Page 22 of The Baxters
“No.” She pulled her fingers from his and looked at the wall again. “I don’t know anything. Not anymore.”
The sadness in the air hung heavy and real and paralyzing.
After another hour, Landon didn’t know what else to do. He touched her shoulder. “I need to go.” He was desperate for a way to connect with her. “Can… I pray for you?”
She turned and looked at him. “No, Landon. Please don’t.” Her eyes softened just the slightest bit. “I’m sorry.” Tears filled her eyes. “This isn’t your fault. I know that.”
He wanted to take her in his arms, hold her and soothe his hand over her still-bandaged head until everything was okay. But something in her tone told him it wouldn’t matter. Whatever he did.
And that single fact terrified him. What if she had changed for good? What if nothing was ever the same again?
Her father’s words came back to him.Give her time.If she was going to open up to anyone, it would be him. Landon stood and touched her arm. “I’m not going anywhere, Ashley. We’ll get through this.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Don’t… don’t come see me tomorrow.” The anger in her voice was gone. But her expression told him her resolve was rock-solid.
Landon had no choice but to respect her wishes.Though it about killed him, he gave her space. Waited for her to want him again. Every morning he would call the hospital and ask her nurse if he could come by. And every morning the answer was the same. No. She needed time. She wanted to be alone.
Two weeks later Ashley was discharged from the hospital. Her parents invited Landon over for a small welcome home dinner where he could see that Ashley could walk and talk and think and eat. But as with Landon’s greatest fears, Ashley wasn’t the same. Her heart kept beating, but the best part of her seemed to have died after the accident.
Landon kept his promise. He was still there. Still available for her, even now. But she wasn’t interested. Not in him or his offer of friendship. Not in her family and their way of faith and life. Especially not in God.
And there wasn’t a thing Landon could do about it.
He had spent enough time in the past. He stood and brushed the grass off his legs. The terrifying feeling of almost losing Ashley in that accident was something he would remember forever. But he’d never considered for a minute that after her surviving the ordeal, he would lose her anyway.
Not in a million years.
Landon finished his workout and headed home, only a few miles away. He found his parents in the kitchen working on breakfast, but he didn’t linger. Instead he gave them a quick smile and headed for the shower. He didn’t have the heart to tell them he was going to KariBaxter’s wedding. Or that he was putting himself out there for Ashley one more time.
But that’s what he was about to do. It was good practice for the life ahead of him. Rushing into a burning building.
Even when anyone in his right mind would be running out.
7
Between the storm and her conflicted heart, Kari had almost forgotten something. Today was her last day to call the Baxter house her home. After today she would wake up with Tim Jacobs. First in Alaska, and then in the house where he lived not far from the university.
Most of her things were already moved in. But some of the precious memories of her childhood and teenage years would remain. Here where they belonged. On the walls and in the closet of the bedroom she grew up in.
Now with her hair and makeup done, and with a few hours before she needed to get into her wedding dress, Kari made her way back to her room. She stepped inside and remembered what it felt like to see it for the first time. The day her family moved here from Michigan.
When they were younger, Kari and Ashley had shared the space and they had thought this bedroom fit for a pair of princesses. Tall ceilings and a picture window that spanned most of the far wall. Beneath it was a built-in padded bench. The place where Ashley and Kari had sat and laughed and cried and prayed over the years.
Kari glanced at the wedding dress still hanging on the door. But her hasty heart didn’t linger there. Instead she walked to the closet and found a box of letters and photos that hadn’t made the move to her new home. Precious memories she couldn’t quite part with. She held the box and lowered herself to the floor.
Here, alone in her closet, time seemed to stand still. As if this wasn’t the biggest day of her life, and she wasn’t expected to show up at the wedding chapel later today. She opened the box and slid her hand toward the bottom. The feel of the envelope was something she knew by heart.
She’d read the letter that many times.
Ryan had scribbled her name across the front.Kari girl.Not Kari. Since the first week they met, Ryan had called her Kari girl. The name had taken hold, and once in a while her dad called her that, too. But the nickname would always belong to Ryan.
The edge of the envelope was worn, so she was careful opening it. As soon as the piece of paper was in her hands, she felt her heart jerk into a strange rhythm.What am I doing?She lowered the letter and shut her eyes tight.Why are you doing this?
Kari opened her eyes and unfolded the single sheet. Because she wanted to, that’s why. This was her last day in her bedroom, and this letter was part of what she was leaving behind.
She held it up and let her eyes run over his familiar handwriting.Ryan, why couldn’t you tell me? If you hadsomeone else, I would’ve been okay with it. In time, anyway.
Instead he had sent her this letter.
