Page 88 of Big Nick Energy
‘Does he not love his mum?’ she asks. I let Lucy hold me for a moment too long in the harsh lights of the Tube station as I try and process everything I’m feeling right now.
‘Oi, oi!’ a man shouts at us from beyond the barriers. We look over and he hangs a sprig of mistletoe over his crotch.
Lucy turns around. ‘Oh, go swivel, you sausage.’
I laugh under her as she pushes my body away. ‘What on earth are you wearing? Aren’t you cold?’ I ask her, looking at her winter coat tied tightly around her waist but realising her suspenders might be showing. Her heels are patent black leather with shiny silver spikes. She could slash people’s tyres with those.
‘I run everywhere so I’m never cold. And it’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got a shift in a bar, double pay to be a different sort of elf, you know? But…’ she says, looking at her watch, ‘I can give you two hours. Where we going?’
She puts an arm through mine. ‘Back to mine? I don’t think I can do the frenetic Christmas Eve mess of a pub.’
Lucy nods. ‘Fear not, I came prepared with tequila in my bag. I also brought a lemon,’ she says, digging around in her belongings to find it. ‘Let’s pretend I wrapped it and it can be my Christmas gift to you,’ she says, grinning. We start walking and she huddles in close to me. Outside, the high street is a mix of two extremes. The lights attached to each lamppost flicker sporadically in fluorescent shapes and colours; there are people still out, still partying but most shops have closed their doors for the festive period, you can sense there’s a city waiting to go into hibernation, waiting for the big day to come tomorrow. We turn the corner, past a pub, bold and brightly still pumping out Christmas anthems. ‘So…’
‘Is this where you say I told you so…’ I ask her, giving her a mean dose of side-eye.
‘Told you so.’
‘You are mean, it’s Christmas.’
‘Not yet. It’s the Eve. I do have half a mind to go round and tell him he’s a twat though. He essentially used you. That’s not cool,’ she says. ‘Can I go on his social media and cause beef? I can find that Neve too?’
‘Or not?’
‘Boo,’ she says, smiling.
‘He’s asked to be friends,’ I say.
‘They all say that. So you didn’t get angry, not one little bit? I think I would have broken things. I would have made that party an event. I would have thrown a brie.’
‘Because that’s you,’ I joke. ‘I just felt a bit stupid that I believed there was something there. I did like him but I think I was forcing it a little.’
‘Like a fart?’
‘Not the romantic vibe I was going for, but yes. I think I was thinking too much about what’s good for me, what the future had in store. The man was excellent on paper, good prospects.’
‘…When really the man had some leaky foundations,’ she says. She’s not wrong. I enjoyed the time we had together but the whole Neve situation is messy. I’m just glad we didn’t drag things out. That I found out now rather than months down the line when feelings could have been more entangled, more hurt. We walk past another wine bar, watching as people have last-minute dinners and gatherings, fogged-up windows reveal glowing lights and seas of decorations. ‘So are we saying that with that Nick gone, done with, kaput – we can possibly move on to New Nick? My boss, Nick. Are we going to give that a go?’
‘He’s not a fairground ride?’ I say.
‘Au contraire.’
‘We did kiss, you know?’ I say sheepishly.
‘WHAT?’ I’m lucky she doesn’t push me into moving traffic with how affronted she is that she’s only hearing this now.
‘It was brief and a non-event really and?—’
‘The first thing you should have done as soon as you parted lips was texted me,’ she says. ‘So we jump on that now, yes?’ Who bloody knows? I kissed Nick. We made up. We left things civil. He said things to me that have made my heart so wound up with emotion that I felt my ribs could shatter. But what do I do? Do I just rock up at his place?Hey, I’m done with the boyfriend? Fancy a go? Merry Christmas, by the way.It doesn’t feel right to rush into that, to be so careless with his feelings when he’s been so honest and genuine with me. Maybe it would be better to wait. Maybe I can have a moment to simply enjoy the season, he can have the Christmas with his family he deserves, and I will find him afterwards, and see if that chance is still there for us to be something. ‘I’m too confused, Luce. I’ve literally been overwhelmed by Nicks. I just need some breathing space.’
Lucy looks at me oddly then howls. ‘I thought you literally said you’d been overwhelmed by dicks. And I thought what a unique conundrum?’
I fog the air with my laughter. ‘I’m just going to enjoy my Christmas.’
‘With me?’
‘And my nana.’
She looks at me and beams. ‘Then you do you. Nick can wait.’
