Page 87 of Big Nick Energy
‘Did we have sex in this room?’ Nick asks.
‘I think we did, you know.’
‘Do you remember it?’ I try and subdue my giggles because, frankly, no. ‘Way to kick a man when he’s down.’
‘I remember you got out your scout badge collection for me,’ I say.
He jumps up to his feet and goes to the top drawer of his dresser, getting out a shirt that’s still impeccably pressed, both arms covered in fabric badges. ‘Sexy.’
‘Always.’
We smile at each other. ‘I did get you a gift by the way,’ he says. ‘In case you thought I’d only got Neve something.’ I hope he knows I will be going online to compare the prices of said gift. He reaches under his bed and I see a book wrapped up. Yeah, I know for a fact that pendant would have cost more. I slide my hand under the paper and unwrap it.Poetry for Lovers. I sigh to see the title, my fingers moving gently across the front cover. ‘I saw it and thought of you. Because you know… books are your thing.’
‘Thank you,’ I say, unable to control my emotion, a tear rolling down my face. He tries to read the emotion, wondering if this is a complete misstep. ‘Have you read any of them?’
‘Is it bad if I say no?’
I shake my head, flicking through the pages to find a poem that a man read out to me once. ‘I feel I need to be completely honest with you too. I’ve been spending time with another man since I’ve seen you. Not sleeping with him or anything, justsomeone else who I think I possibly have feelings for.’ I exhale deeply as I say it, waiting for his reaction.
‘I can’t really comment, can I?’ Nick says. ‘What’s he like?’
‘He’s OK.’
‘You deserve more than OK, young lady.’ That sounds genuine. I like how it harks back to what Davinia once told me, the day I met this Nick.
‘I also got you something. It’s a little stupid,’ I say.
‘I think we’re way past stupid now, right?’
I go into my handbag and get out a small box by comparison. He opens it and he at least laughs. ‘It’s a Ferrari, you asked Santa for a Ferrari.’
‘You are funny. Very funny.’
‘Thank you. That much we can agree on at least.’ We sit there for yet another silent moment. I reach over and take a swig from the bottle of champagne. ‘I don’t have to stay at this party, do I?’
‘God, no. Can I ask one thing though?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Can we be friends? Unless you think that’s a bloody cliché?’ he says mockingly, and I cackle. I really laugh because maybe we’ve both remembered the same thing, the day we broke up. A day I thought I’d never recover from at the time. And yet here we are.
‘Why not. Just not fun friends anymore… OK?’
‘Deal,’ he says. I go to shake his hand but he pulls me in for a hug. And now I know how I feel, without doubt: I feel pure relief, kindness and compassion for someone I once loved.I feel a sense of care towards you because there was a point when what I felt for you was love.Maybe that never dies. Maybe it can be transformed into something else which keeps him in my life. Maybe the coincidence of meeting wasn’t because we belonged together. Maybe it was so I could help you heal. I grip my arms around him, around this person who just wanted to feelsomething else instead of intense heartbreak. I hope you’ll be OK, Nick Coles. I really do.
‘If you want to leave though…’ he says, from over my shoulder.
‘Use a door?’ I suggest.
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘And Kay. Thank you. Seriously. For everything.’
‘You’re welcome, St Nick.’
THIRTY-SEVEN
‘Well, that’s the ugliest jumper I’ve ever seen,’ Lucy says as she walks up to me in the Tube station, wrapping her arms around me. ‘You look like a deranged tourist.’
‘It’s not mine. It’s Nick’s mum’s. He bought it for her.’
