Page 43 of Fighting the Tide
It’s the second time that she hovers over me, sinking her wet core over my cock with both of our releases still there inside of her when I notice the sad look in her eyes again.I run my thumb along her cheek just as a tear slips from her eye, hoping she’s crying because I have to leave soon and not because she wants to end this completely.
She gyrates her hips to a rhythm that drives me insane, and I watch as her breasts bounce with the motion, her hardened nipples begging for my mouth, but I can’t seem to tear my sight away from that sadness lurking in her hazel depths.I won’t beg her to tell me what’s wrong this time.I’ll let her hold just one more secret inside, knowing that one day soon, I’ll force it all out of her and she’ll realize that I’m still here.I still love her.
It’s not until I’m watching her walk away from me and the lighthouse that I’m overcome with a sense of panic.I want to take her with me to protect her fragility because I’m scared that if I leave her here alone, she’s going to break.She would never let me do that though, and instead, I have to shove down this need to protect her and wait until the time is right.I have to wait for her to want me, to choose me.
When her car is out of sight, I walk back to the cottage, trying desperately to ignore that space in my chest that throbs for the girl who can’t fully hand me her entire heart.It makes me feel like a fool, but I’m man enough to admit that I’ve been a fool for Brooke since I was sixteen years old.
I open the back door and step inside, kicking off my shoes and pulling off my sweater when the sound of a loud, wet cough has me stilling.I’ve noticed my mother has been battling a cold, but this doesn’t sound so good.I’ll have to make sure she goes to see a doctor tomorrow.The coughing continues as their bedroom door opens and my father steps out, coming eye-to-eye with me and giving me a nod as he heads to the kitchen.
“Her cough is getting worse,” I tell him as he fills up a glass of water.
“I know.I’ve made a doctor’s appointment for her on Tuesday.She’s been trying to fight off this cold, but it’s been getting worse.”I’m still having a hard time believing this man is sincere, but I can’t deny how appreciative I am that he’s here and looking after her, because if she was going through this alone while I was in school, I’d probably drop out.
“Okay, that’s good.”I drop to sit on the bed as I listen to her cough again, and worry begins to build in my chest.His hand lands on my shoulder as he gives it a squeeze, and I’m shocked at the touch.I can’t remember if he’s ever done that before.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.School is what’s important for you right now.”Then he walks away, back into the bedroom, and shuts the door without giving me as much as another look over his shoulder.
It feels like we’re all grasping at hope while it laughs in our faces, fickle and taunting.Are we all just fools, knowing the choices we make will only end in devastation but too weak to ignore them?I really hope not.
Chapter Nineteen
It’sbeenthreeweeksof exams and nonstop frat parties here at Columbia.The first week, I had been studying and trying desperately to get in contact with Brooke, but to no avail.She wasn’t taking my messages, and each time I called, a housekeeper would pick up telling me that Miss Brooke was working.I was surprised to hear that they had a new housekeeper since my mother cleaned their house every Friday.So I called home, and even though Mom sounded disappointed that I was asking about Brooke, she did tell me they let her go at the end of last summer.Her cough still persisted, but when I asked her about it, she said she was feeling better.
I don’t even know why I’m shocked anymore to learn of Brooke’s secrets.So after that first week of no word from her, I decided to let loose and enjoy my time before I went back home for the summer.I knew I would see her in a few weeks and there was no way she could avoid me while we were both in Chatham, so I gave her space for whatever reason and I enjoyed the last little bit of my first year at Columbia.
Avery even sounded better the last time I spoke to her.She told me she’d be home the day after me and that she was excited to spend another summer together filled with bonfires and trips into town for homemade gelato.I was thankful when the station was okay with giving me the summer off.The only thing they asked was that I be back two weeks before my next semester started, and that was something I could agree to.
I hadn’t heard much from my mother except for the few times I called to check up on her.According to Dad, she’s been really busy, but her cough has finally gotten better with a good dose of antibiotics.He also convinced her to lighten her cleaning load for this summer, which put me at ease.She works too hard, and with him now working, the burden shouldn’t be resting so heavily on her shoulders.
I haven’t brought up Monica to Avery, nor has she brought up Brooke, which I’m thankful for.It’s as if both of us know where our hearts belong, but we would rather live a lie for a little while longer.I also respect that she wants to live a few years in rose-colored glasses, enjoying life as if Monica didn’t exist.I know the truth, though.She probably thinks about her every night before she goes to bed and every morning when she wakes up.Despite that, I don’t call her out on it.I’m in the same boat, after all.
My dorm phone rings, the shrill sound pulling me out of my thoughts as I lean over my bed and pick it up.“Hello?”
“Hey, Nolan!It’s Cassie.”Her voice has me pausing as I sit up on my bed with a loud harrumph.“Are you there?”
I clear my throat and take a deep breath, a little surprised that she’s calling my dorm room.“Hey, Cassie.What’s up?”
“We’ve both been back in New York and we haven’t made plans to hang out.”I roll my eyes but can’t help the small smile that curves along my mouth.She’s persistent.I’ll give her that much.
“Sorry.I was busy with finals, and honestly, I don’t have your dorm number.”
She laughs, the sound forced and a little too loud.“You need better investigative skills,” she teases.“I found yours.”
I chuckle into the phone and shake my head.“You’re right, I’m sorry.I just haven’t really thought about anyone from Chatham these last few weeks.”It’s not the truth, but it’s not a complete lie either.“I’ll be hopping on the train tomorrow to go back home.When do you plan to go back?”
“Well, I was going to ask you because I’ve never really enjoyed traveling alone, and the last time we went home together was nice.Do you mind if I tag along with you tomorrow?”I rub my fingers along my chin, feeling the scruff of my two-day growth, and think about what she’s asking.
“No,” I tell her.“I don’t mind at all.I’ll be at the station around noon.I’ll see you then?”
“Okay,” she says.The sound of her heavy exhale fills my ear as if she’s letting loose a relieved sigh.“I’ll see you then.”
I hang up with Cassie and try not to feel like I’m betraying Brooke in some way.It’s not a date and I’ve made it very clear to Cassie that I’m not interested in a relationship, but I can’t help the guilt that’s swirling around in my stomach.Then the feeling turns into anger.She never gave a damn about me when she was with Sean, or David, or whoever else, and she certainly didn’t care these last few weeks while ignoring my phone calls.
I finish packing my suitcase and crawl into bed, my eyes scanning the phone on my bedside table.I don’t know what makes me reach over and pull it off the hook and punch her number into the dial pad, but my heart thunders through my chest as I place the receiver against my ear and listen to the rings.I’m caught off guard when it’s her voice that whispers, “Hello?”I’m rendered speechless for a few minutes, my heavy breathing the only sound hitting the speaker.“Nolan?”
“Where have you been?”I ask her, trying desperately to keep the trembling out of my voice.“I’ve been calling for the last few weeks.”
“Sorry, it’s been a little hectic here.The theater has been insanely busy as the tourists have been flooding in,” she continues to whisper, as if she doesn’t want to wake anybody, but that doesn’t make sense to me.I’ve been in Brooke’s house, and I know that every room is pretty much soundproofed.Unless she has someone laying in bed next to her.My stomach turns to acid as the thought lingers in my mind.
