Page 44 of Fighting the Tide
“Are you not alone?”I hate that I sound accusing and so goddamned jealous.I don’t want her to know that she has this effect on me, but it’s too late, and her quiet, husky laugh floats through the speaker and into my ear.
“Nolan.It’s just late and I’m nearly falling asleep.”She does sound tired and I don’t know if everything she’s telling me is true, but I’ve already forgiven her.
“I’ll be home tomorrow.When can we see each other?”Here I go again, begging her for any scrap of time she can give me.I’ll eat up the crumbs of whatever attention she decides to spare me and I’ll do it acting like a starved man, because when it comes to Brooke Eastham, I have no shame.
“I’ll try to come by the beach tomorrow night, but I can’t promise you that.I gotta go.”I open my mouth to say good night, to tell her I love her, that I can’t wait to see her, but the click of her hanging up is loud in my ear, the sound so dismissive and filled with apathy.So I place the receiver back on the cradle and sink back into my pillow, enjoying my bed for the last night, knowing next year I’ll most likely be in a different dorm with a roommate.I’ve already sent home a few boxes of my belongings last week so I could travel light tomorrow, and I’ll probably keep them all in the boxes until August when I’ll be shipping them back again.
My eyes fall shut as Brooke’s voice echoes throughout my mind.No matter how hard I try to turn off my brain, I just can’t stop analyzing everything she said and how she sounded.It’s clear she’s working hard, and I have to be proud of her for that because that’s not the Brooke I knew last summer.Maybe that’s why she’s lost so much weight and she’s so tired because she’s never been used to working a day in her life.I finally drift off to sleep after convincing myself that the girl who’s avoided me for the last few weeks is just busy working a demanding job, and just maybe, she’s doing it because she feels like she has something to prove.
This time, the train and bus ride back to Cape Cod is one I actually enjoy.Cassie and I talk about the people we hang out with, the parties we’ve gone to, and our favorite places to eat in New York.A few we actually have in common, and I agree that when we go back, we’ll have a few meals together at those restaurants.She hasn’t tried to touch me inappropriately or give me flirty eyes, and I find myself extremely comfortable with her and enjoying her company.
“This summer is going to be so much fun,” she gushes as I reach up to pull down her suitcase.“My parents are going away on a cruise next month and I’ll have the house to myself.”
“That’s cool.”I smile as I hand her the suitcase and follow her off the bus.
“You’ll have to come over for parties, Nolan.We’re friends now, right?”We both step off the bus as she turns to look at me, her dark brown eyes searching mine.
“Yeah, I’ll come by,” I promise her with a shrug of my shoulders.
“Bring Avery too!”Then she turns and runs toward the idling Rolls-Royce.“See you around town, Nolan!”she calls out just as her dad steps out of the car and takes her suitcase.
I raise my hand and then search for the bright red truck, but instead, find Brooke leaning against her pink convertible, her arms crossed over her chest.My heart picks up and suddenly I’m rushing across the parking lot with my luggage, then I drop it to sweep her up in my arms.She giggles as her face burrows against my neck, her warm breath running along my heated skin, my body reacting to her in ways it never has for anybody else.
“What are you doing here?”I set her down to cup her face between my hands just to make sure she’s truly here and not a figment of my imagination.Elation spreads through me the second I feel her, confirming the fact that I’m not imagining her.
“I’m pretty sure your mother hates me.”She smiles, but I can see a sadness there in her eyes.“But I convinced her to tell me the time you were coming in so I could pick you up.”
“This is the best surprise ever.”I lean down and kiss her softly, backing her up until her ass hits the side of her car and her hands slip up under my shirt as she scrapes her nails along the small of my back.I’m home, and I don’t just mean here in Chatham.I mean, my heart is home here with Brooke.
A few minutes later, we’re pulling out of the parking lot, my fingers tangling into her waves as the breeze blows them back off her shoulders.I look at her profile, my eyes soaking in every feature, and immediately I want to open my mouth and beg her to give us a chance again.It seems that’s all I’m doing is begging her, but to me, it’s worth it, and hopefully one day, I’ll wear her down enough that she can’t deny me any longer.
“I can feel you watching me, Sears,” she says as she stops at a red light, her face finally turning so she can look me in the eyes.
“I just have to make sure I’m not dreaming,” I tell her as she scoffs and rolls her eyes.“What?I’m serious, Brooke.I don’t know what it is, but every time I’m with you, I’m scared it’s the last time I’ll ever see you.I’m worried you’re going to cut me loose one day and leave me adrift out in the middle of the ocean.”
“You’re so dramatic.Are you sure you didn’t go to Colombia for acting?”Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes as she deflects once again from the conversation I’m aching to have with her, but I let her win this battle, knowing I’ll have most of the summer to convince her otherwise.
“Cassie said something about her parents going on a cruise and she’s going to be throwing a few parties at her place,” I tell Brooke as I drum my fingers along the door.
“I saw that you guys came in together,” she hums.“When did you guys become friends?”
I turn to look at her, to scrutinize her face and her tone, searching for an ounce of jealousy, but there’s none there.If the tables were reversed, I would be drowning in it.I won’t deny that I’m a little disappointed.“The last time I came home, we happened to be traveling at the same time.”
“And you guys stayed friends in New York?Do you hang out?”Again, just curiosity, and I become overwhelmed with envy.I wish I could be this detached whenever I think about her with Sean or David.
“We haven’t hung out in New York yet.When I got back there, I had finals, so I was busy.”I turn to watch the buildings move by, some of them reminding me of hot summer days during my childhood when Avery and I would ride our bikes.
“You certainly found time to call me a few times a day.”So she does know, and when she pulls up to my house, I stare at her with confusion.
“Why didn’t you take my calls?Or at least call me back?”She exhales and curls her fingers around the steering wheel as her chin drops to her chest.
“Sometimes you overwhelm me, Nolan, and I feel like you want more from me than I’m capable of giving.”Her confession leaves me stunned as I turn my head and stare straight ahead, willing my eyes to stop burning and to hold in all my emotions until I get inside my house.“I know that sounds terrible, and I–I don’t mean it to be terrible,” she stumbles over her words as she reaches to grab my hand.I move it out of the way to grab the door handle, not quite ready to touch her yet, as she sucks in her breath.“I just can’t be serious with you right now while you’re living in New York.”
I open the car door and grab my suitcase from the back seat without uttering a word to her, and she lets me go, her lack of empathy making me feel even worse.I get to the top of my driveway without looking back once, but it’s the sound of her engine as she speeds off that has me quickly spinning and dropping my suitcase to the ground.Is this the way it’s going to be between us?Will it always be me begging for her on my knees as she dismisses me with a wave of her hand?
“Hi, baby.”I turn at the sound of my mom’s voice and step up onto the porch to pull her into my arms.“I hope it was okay that I told Brooke when you were coming in.She can be pretty intense when she wants to be.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I admit as I let her go and bend to pick my suitcase up before following her inside the cottage.
