Page 57 of Motivating Mira
“So, our tests came back showing she has radiation-induced esophageal stricture…” He paused. “Narrowing of the esophagus from the radiation treatment. I believe Doctor Martin mentioned it was a possibility.”
“Yes, he did.”
“That area is cancer-free but we did find more malignant growth in her lungs.”
I breathed. That’s all I could do. In. Out. In. Out. Nothing more, nothing less.
“We can solve the eating issue with medications and by inserting balloon dilators to stretch the area. And if that doesn’t work, we can insert a stent. But these would only be comfort measures so she could continue to eat food.” He went on to explain some other options, one of which was to do nothing at all.
“Nothing?”
“Mira.” He sighed. “I’ve discouraged your mother from further treatment. I think it would be a waste of her remainingtime to continue with chemo and radiation.” He paused, or maybe I just couldn’t hear over the rushing of blood in my ears.
“A waste?” Bile rose in my throat.
“It’s unlikely to make a difference, and with the limited time she has left, she’d be suffering unnecessarily.”
He’d gone on to explain quality and quantity, but he’d done it so many times in the past, I could probably recite his speech word for word.
“Oh.” It was all I could say when he finished. I’d known at some point they’d discourage her from continuing, but she’d proven them wrong so many times. I mean, she was still alive when they’d told me in no uncertain terms, she wouldn’t be.
“Mira, you should know she refused,” the doctor said pulling me from my thoughts.
“She did?” My brow tightened.
“She wants to continue throwing everything we’ve got at this. She’s a stubborn woman.”
I laughed at that even though there were tears streaming down my cheeks and there was absolutely nothing funny about the conversation.
“You don’t have to tell me that,” I croaked. “I’ve lived with her most of my life.”
“I’m so sorry, Mira.”
“Thanks, Dr. Baird.”
“I sent a referral for hospice, which surprisingly she agreed to, but only as long as I let her keep on with the treatments. The hospice normally wouldn’t take someone still doing treatments but since they’re unlikely to work, I sent the referral anyway. Your mom wants to make things easier on you.”
I huffed. “None of this is easy and it shouldn’t be. And easier for me would be not watching her suffer unnecessarily,” I choked out.
“I agree but…”
“She’s stubborn,” I finished.
“Anyway, I wasn’t sure what to expect from the hospice, let alone hear back so soon, but they agreed to take her, and they have a bed available right now.”
I glanced at the door to the house. It needed a coat of paint which reminded me the knob was also loose, and I needed to tighten it.
“Like now, now?”
“Tomorrow morning wouldn’t be too soon.”
“Does she know this?”
“The hospice contacted her before me.”
My knees went weak, and I plopped onto the deck stairs. “How long now? Until…” I swallowed hard. “You know.”
“Not too much longer. I know she’s proven us wrong a million times now, but I’m more confident than ever before we’re getting close.”
