Page 6 of Two Friends in Marriage
Some parents would just be happy to know their thirty-three-year-old son was getting married, no matter the specifics, but my parents aren’t like that.If I’d told them that I’d given up on love, Dad would say I’m too young for such thoughts.
Maybe someone would tell me that the pessimism is just my depression talking.Leo and Max were single for a long time, after all, and look at them now.They both managed to find someone, didn’t they?
Actually, my depression isn’t terrible these days, unlike a year ago.I finally found a medication that works for me, and sure, I don’t like the side effects, but I no longer feel so damnheavyall the time.It’s definitely an improvement.
Though sometimes, there’s still the self-loathing.
I feel like I shouldn’t have given up, but at the same time, I’m looking forward to our marriage.It’s not what I thought I’d have at this point in my life, but it’ll be good…won’t it?
And in a way, our marriage pact helped menotgive up when I was at my lowest.It was something to hold on to when the future seemed hopeless.
When I get home, I check my phone and see a text from Jane, asking how it went with my family.Rather than texting back, I sit down on my couch and call her.
“Merry Christmas,” I say when her face appears on the small screen.I might not be in love with her, but the sight of her does make me smile; it’s not forced.
“So, what did they think?”she asks.
“They were a little surprised, as expected.Jon thought I was joking at first.Maybe I should have worked harder at easing them into it.Told them we were dating a month ago, or something like that.My mom asked if you’re pregnant.”
“What?”
“Yeah, that was my response.”
“I haven’t even had sex in almost nine years,” she mutters.She’s not complaining about a dry spell; it’s just a statement of fact.“My family wasn’t suspicious or surprised, and nobody asked about pregnancy.”She pauses.“I’m a little envious.Your family knows you well enough to actually be surprised.My dad’s just like, congrats, here’s a check.”
“Jane…”
She scrubs a hand over her face.“Actually, you should know…”
My heart thumps loudly in my chest.“Yes?”
“Part of the reason I want to marry you is because of your family.”
That hadn’t occurred to me, but as soon as she says it, it makes sense.And it doesn’t bother me—after all, I’m not in love with her, plus I know my family isn’t the only reason we’re doing this.
“Don’t worry,” she rushes.“It’s not like I’ll expect much of them.But it was nice when I came to your Thanksgiving, and I think it’ll be nice to have somewhere to go for holidays.”
I feel a smidge of guilt.I should have invited her along more often in the past.Though on many holidays, I had a partner of my own, and it would have seemed weird to show up with both a friend and a partner.
“If we do have kids,” she says, “I’ll appreciate them having relatives nearby.”
We’ve agreed not to seriously start planning for children until we’ve been married for a year.We want to be sure the marriage is going the way we hope it will.
And we still have a lot to figure out.
Jane and I are both off work between Christmas and New Year’s, and we take advantage of the break to discuss our wedding and marriage plans.She comes over to my place on the afternoon of the twenty-ninth.After eating takeout sushi, we sit down on the couch with her laptop, and she pulls up the document that we started last month.
Now that I’ve told my family, this engagement feels real in a way it didn’t before, especially when we’re discussing stuff like wedding venues…and getting preapproved for a mortgage…and where, exactly, we want to live.Frank discussions about finances certainly make things feel very, very real.
Jane freezes in the middle of typing.
“What is it?”I ask.
“I just thought of something.Two things, actually.First of all, I don’t usually wear a bra when I’m home, and I have to know you’ll be okay with that.”
I’m thrown by the change in conversation, but it’s not a big deal to me.
“Of course,” I say.
