Page 51 of Two Friends in Marriage
“The usual,” she replies.
“Sounds good to me.”
We work in our separate offices, two floors apart.We eat lunch together.At the end of the workday, I go for my usual walk and come back extra sweaty because it’s disgustingly humid.
For dinner, we have leftovers, and for dessert, we finish the egg tarts.Once again, a crumb clings to her bottom lip, and this time, I feel free to lean forward and wipe it off.She licks the crumb off my finger.
“Can you watch an episode without jumping me today?”I ask with faux sternness.
“I think I can manage,” she says.
She cuddles up against me, and at one particularly romantic moment, she does kiss me—but without the urgency of the last two nights.We have to rewind the show, but only a minute or two.
I like these kisses, too.I hope they continue to be part of our marriage.
At the end of the evening, we stand in the upstairs hallway together, and she gives me a hug goodnight.As she steps back, the idea that she might sleep in a bed that isn’t mine…it makes me feel hollow.
“Would you like to sleep in my bed?”I ask.“Not for sex.Just because I want to have you there, but if you’d rather sleep alone—”
She cuts me off by placing a finger to my lips, then walks into my bedroom while my feet are still rooted to the floor.I admire her ass in those little shorts she wears to sleep, and unlike that time she was mowing the grass, I don’t feel guilty about it.
She settles under the covers on what is, I guess, her side of the bed, and puts her phone on the bedside table that I never use.I pull her against me and kiss her neck.When I shift back, I smile at her and brush the hair away from her face.
Like yesterday, she falls asleep quickly, but I don’t, much as I like having her here.I still have doubts about our sexual compatibility, given that it caused such problems in my last relationship.It’s natural for there to be differences in how often two people want sex—and what kind of sex they want.A little compromise isn’t an issue for me, but I still worry.What if it’s more than a little?
We can’t just “break up.”I mean, we can, but there’s a lot to lose.We made a commitment: we’re married and we own a house together.
Have we complicated everything?
And how, exactly, does she feel?Is her sexual interest in me a sign that her feelings are much deeper than before?I suspect it is—I know that’s how it worked for her in the past—and the idea delights me.
But maybe it’s different this time.
I fear I won’t be able to sleep, but eventually, the sound of Jane’s rhythmic breathing pulls me under.
Chapter 17
Jane
“So,youdidit?”Claudia asks.“Was it satisfactory?”
I blush.“More the satisfactory.Better than it’s ever been for me before, to be honest.”
I haven’t slept in my bed for the past two nights, but I’m using it for a video call with Claudia while Evan is on his usual walk.Then I’ll go downstairs and cook dinner.
“Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details,” I say.“Actually, if you want me to stop talking about this completely…”
“No, no, it’s okay.I get that it’s the biggest thing happening in your life right now, and I want to know.It’s not like you’re trying to convince me thatIshould get married and have sex, and that if I find the right person, ‘everything will change.’”
“Oh God, no.”
“I know, so it’s all good.”
People have wanted to change me, too.The friend who made me feel like a bad feminist, for example.I rarely spoke about the fact that I hadn’t had sex in years, but I know some people would have felt it was a problem that needed to be fixed ASAP.
Evan was actually the first person who suggested I could be on the ace spectrum.I’d thought it didn’t apply to me because I do have a libido, and I had—twice, at that point—been sexually attracted to someone, but he suggested I do more research.
He wasn’t wrong.
