Page 52 of Two Friends in Marriage
“My mother texted me earlier,” Claudia says.“Her friend’s daughter found someone on a dating app, and they’re getting married.She wants me to try using the app.Actually, she’s already made me a profile.”
“Noooo,” I say.
“I keep explaining that I’m aroace and while it’s not the same for everyone, I’m uninterested in dating and marriage.But she refuses to accept it.”
The first time Claudia complained about her mother to me, she immediately felt guilty, knowing mine is gone, but I insisted it was fine.If hers was trying to get her to do something that she’d asserted—over and over again—she didn’t want, she was free to complain.
They don’t have a close relationship.Sometimes they go months without talking, like me and my father.But my father never tries to interfere in my life.
I’ve also never told him that I’m demisexual.I suspect he’d wonder why I was telling him, then frown and say, “Isn’t that normal?At least for a woman?”
I talk to Claudia for a little longer, and then I find myself looking at my wedding pictures.It’s the first time I’ve done it since Evan and I slept together.When I get to the picture of us kissing, I stare at it for a long time, and I imagine telling my former self about what would end up happening.A burst of laughter escapes my lips.
Come to think of it, I’ve been laughing more these days.
“This weekend,” Evan says as we eat dinner, “Isobel and Daisy invited us over.Do you want to come, or would you prefer I go without you?”
“I’ll go with you.”
He smiles at me, and for some reason, I find it devastating.And when he touches my leg under the table…
How do I tell him that I’m interested in having sex tonight, if he is?I could, of course, straddle him while we’re watching TV again, but I’d prefer not to do that every time.
I’m not very experienced at this sort of thing.
“Is something wrong?”he asks.
Sometimes, I wish he wasn’t so aware of every little change in my body language—he’s become even more attuned to me lately.
But I sort of love that about him, too.
Not that Ilovelove him, in the way many people love their spouses, but I’m extremely fond of him.
“Do you want to have sex after we clean up?”I say in a rush.It feels neither romantic nor sexy, but it gets the point across.
In response, he smiles again, and my skin prickles as he slides his hand even farther up my leg.
After cutting the grass on Saturday afternoon, I take a shower and put on proper clothes for our dinner with Isobel and Daisy.Nothing too fancy: jeans and a black blouse that just came out of the wash.
“You look nice.”Evan kisses me on the cheek as we put on our shoes by the front door.
I do feel pretty, but as he drives us toward his cousin’s, I feel a strange itch on my shoulder.Hmm.Maybe it’s because I’m in close proximity to Evan—this is the first time we’ve been in the car together since we started having sex.And since I started feeling attracted to him, which was less than a week ago.
Yeah, it probably has something to do with sexual attraction, and I’m just not used to it.
We arrive at the apartment building, which is in the north part of Toronto, and park in visitor parking.We’re buzzed in and proceed to the fifth floor.I’ve got a bottle of wine in my left hand.
Isobel opens the door, and Nolan is right behind her.
“Uncle Evan!”Nolan flings himself at Evan’s leg.“Do you want to see my new car?”
“Your new car?”Evan says.“I didn’t know you were old enough to drive.”
Nolan giggles.With a hand that looks a bit sticky, he grabs Evan’s wrist.
“Do you remember who this is?”Isobel asks Nolan before he can scamper off.She gestures toward me.
I stand there awkwardly as Nolan looks me up and down.Under his scrutiny, I feel that itch under my shirt again.
