Page 14 of Two Friends in Marriage
Alone.
A few days after we learned that Jane’s father wouldn’t attend the wedding, I broached the subject of the rehearsal dinner, and she said she didn’t want one.I also asked if she wanted someone else to walk her down the aisle, and she said no.We’d simply walk together.
When I explained all this over the phone to my mother, she was aghast that Jane’s father wouldn’t show up.She asked if it was a financial problem, and I assured her it wasn’t.Then she asked if there were any other relatives that Jane wanted to be there—from anywhere in the world—and offered to help with the airfare.
But Jane hasn’t had any contact with her mom’s family since she was a kid, and she has a limited relationship with her uncle and cousin on her father’s side.They’re in China, and she hasn’t seen them in a decade.And I guess her stepmother sees no reason to come if her father won’t be there.
So, when we get married today, all of the family guests will be my own.
I’m glad Claudia flew in yesterday for Jane, and I’m happy to have her stay in our guest room—I can’t believe we actually have a guest room—for two nights.To be honest, I’m also glad she knows the truth.If she didn’t, she’d probably refuse to stay with us tonight.
I head downstairs at seven.Jane is already up, coffee nearly ready.
I’m getting used to my new reality.Living in a house, having a home office that isn’t a corner of the living room.Eating dinner with someone else every night.It’s nice.
But I continue to have complicated feelings about what we’re going to do today, and as I watch her pour a mug of coffee, humming quietly to herself—“Here Comes the Bride,” heh—I’m hit with a slightly different thought than the ones I’ve been having recently.My complicated feelings have been self-centered, but now I think:She deserves better.
“Jane,” I say.
She turns around, mug in hand.“Hm?”
“Are you sure you want to tie yourself to me?”I gesture feebly.“You deserve to marry someone…who loves you.”
She puts down her mug, walks over to me, and sets a hand on my chest.It’s warm from the coffee.“You deserve that, too.But we were both tired of not getting what we wanted, and so—have you changed your mind?”Though she speaks evenly, I can tell she’s freaked out.We’ve spent months setting all this up.
I think of Yvonne, who ran up the aisle rather than getting married.
“No,” I assure my fiancée.“I just wanted to check that you hadn’t.”
“Of course not.I’m ready for this.”
In an attempt to convince her, I press a quick kiss to her neck—I don’t know why I think this will work, but it somehow makes sense—which is how Claudia finds us when she walks downstairs.
“Am I interrupting something?”she asks, waggling her eyebrows.
“No, no,” I say.“We’re all good.”
After breakfast, we get in my car—I need to remember to add Jane to the insurance—and I drive the three of us to a salon.Two people have come in early to assist us.I’m getting neutral makeup, just so my features look a little sharper in the pictures.Jane asked if I wanted something more glamorous—there have been phases in my life when I experimented with dramatic eyeshadow.I appreciated the thought, but I said no.
By ten o’clock, makeup and hair are done: a simple updo for Jane and a blowout for Claudia.After picking up the bridal bouquet, we return to the house, where I put on a tux.Claudia changes into a sleeveless pink dress before assisting Jane with the wedding dress that we picked out all those months ago.
“You look beautiful,” I tell my wife-to-be as we wait for the limo, and I’m not lying.She looks lovely.I just wish that said loveliness stirred up stronger feelings in me.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” she says lightly.
It’s an overcast, cool summer’s day, which is fine with me.If it were hot and humid, I’d be sweating buckets.The important thing is that it’s not supposed to rain until this evening.
It’s less than a ten-minute drive to the venue.Although we booked the venue before buying the house, they coincidentally happen to be quite close to one another, which is convenient.My parents are already here, and the photographer takes a few pictures before the other guests start arriving.Jane met most of my extended family at the Lunar New Year, but I introduce her to the few people that weren’t there.
Five minutes before the appointed time, we urge everyone to take their seats—“no bride’s side and groom’s side, sit wherever you like”—and share a few words with the officiant, who stands in front of the chairs set up on the grass.There’s a simple flower arch behind them, nowhere near as grand as the décor at the last outdoor wedding I went to (my cousin Mirabel’s), but neither Jane nor I were too concerned about such things.We just didn’t want the planning to be too stressful.
When the music begins, I take a deep breath and paste on a smile.I’m not standing next to the love of my life, and it’s not how I would have once imagined my wedding day, but this is it, for better or worse.
Jane and I link our arms and proceed down the aisle together.I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience as the ceremony begins, even as I keep my eyes focused on Jane.Like this can’t possibly be me getting married, but someone else, and I say “I do” a split second later than I should.
“You may kiss the bride,” the officiant says.
As I lean in, I’m very aware of just how odd the act of kissing is.Lips against lips.Tongue on tongue.(Well, not in this particular kiss, but still.)
