Page 63 of If You Give a Grump a Christmas Tree Farm
“Sometimes God has other plans for us.”
I don’t reply to that. Until Rebecca, I’ve never felt close to anything spiritual. But lately, I feel like everything has meaning, and I feel like I’m seeing signs all around me. How my life could have been, and just maybe how it still could be.
She yawns and sits up, pulling away from me. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, JJ.”
We both stand. “Sure. Goodnight, Rebecca.”
I take our wine glasses to the sink, rinse them out and head upstairs to the loft. Changing into a pair of sweatpants, I stack my hands under my head and stare at the ceiling. And for the first time, the brotherhood of the club doesn’t feel like enough anymore.
***
A sound wakes me, and I realize I must have drifted off.
Glancing at my phone on the nightstand, I see it's 1am.
I hear movement in the kitchen, then Rebecca’s soft sobbing. That sound has me swinging my legs over the edge and heading for the staircase.
Coming into the kitchen, I find her in a short nightgown, picking up broken glass, then standing and putting it on a paper towel on the counter.
“Becca, you okay?”
She tries to hide her tears, turning away and nodding. “I’m fine. Just broke something.”
I take her arm and turn her to face me. “Sweetheart, what is it?”
She shrugs, and won’t meet my eyes. “It’s hard to sleep alone some nights. That’s all. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Hey, it’s okay to be lonely, and there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Stop. You don’t need to apologize to me for anything.”
“Okay.”
“C’mere.” I take her in my arms and hold her, stroking her hair and back. “Darlin’, I get lonely, too.”
She pulls back and stares into my eyes. I cup her cheek, and swipe at the tears with my thumb.
Her gaze drops to my mouth, and a moment later, she goes up on her toes and presses her lips to mine. I take in the feeling of her body against mine and her soft lips, but I keep a tight rein on my reaction. I don’t want to push for more than she’s offering. This may just be athank youkiss. It might not mean what I want it to mean.
My heart pounds in my chest, and everything inside me stills as my pulse thunders. Don’t make a move, JJ. Don’t push.
But God, I want to. I want to back her against the wall and kiss her like she deserves. I want to rip that nightgown over her head and take in her lush body. My dick is hard just thinking about it.
She’s a sexy, passionate woman, and she deserves a man who’ll appreciate her. But does she see me that way? Could she see me as that man for her?
She breaks the kiss and stares up at me. “What are you thinking? I can’t read your eyes.”
“I’m thinking I don’t know what that kiss meant, but I know what I want it to mean.”
“What do you want it to mean?”
“That you want me.”
“I do want you, JJ.”
“You sure, Becca?”
