Page 19 of Deranged
“I’ll see you out.”
The hard voice cutting through the air had the first tear falling. As much as he didn’t want to look, his chin still lifted as Zeus walked away. Ridge stood in the open doorway. He looked at Shadow with the same hatred Shadow had shown Zeus. Reality tightened its grip. There was nothing left for him here. Rain was married. Field was likely headed that way. That left nothing but the choking pain of things he couldn’t change. It was time for him to go. He wasn’t scared of dying by leaving the protection of the family. Shadow was terrified of another day of this. Some things were worse than death. Being here on his knees was one.
Henry’s muscles screamed. He had never fought so much unhinged strength. Hell would freeze before he gave up and let go. He had known going in that Field dealt with this. Henry had asked Field to marry him knowing he permanently tied himself to this part too. This was real love. That meant even the ugly bits.
“Please come back to me, baby.” He kissed Field’s nape.
A war cry tore from Field. He threw himself forward and then used every ounce of his power to toss his head back, head-butting Henry in the face. Henry heard and felt his nose break. It was a familiar feeling. Blood gushed down his face as pain exploded through him, but he still didn’t loosen his grip.
“Fuck, Field. Stop. You’re breaking my heart here. Not just my nose. You’re fucking killing me with this bullshit. Please come back to me.”
Field went limp.
Henry thought he had fainted until he felt the shaking. He gently turned Field, ready to lock him down again if this was a ruse. Tears flowed down Field’s face. He looked terrified. His gaze locked on Henry’s face and the pain and fear Henry saw nearly took him to his knees.
“You’re bleeding.” His voice sounded like his throat had been torn to shreds. “Oh, my God. What did I do? Why are you bleeding?”
Henry helped Field back to bed and then grabbed a shirt from the floor. He tried to stem the flow. “It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.”
Field covered his face with both hands. The despair was a third person in the room. “What else did I do?”
The muffled words were heartbreaking. “Nothing. Everything is fine. We made it through. The nose is my fault. Everything is fine.”
Field dropped his hands. “It’s not fine. I hurt you. Why do you want this? Don’t answer that. I can’t hear you say that you don’t. But it’s okay if you’re done now. I get it.”
“Stop trying to run away from me at every turn. I’m genuinely okay. I knew this was part of loving you and I do love you.”
Field practically leapt from the bed and dragged him toward the bathroom. “Please, let me clean this up. Let me try to fix it.”
Henry let Field fuss over him, hoping the chore busied his mind. He knew it wasn’t working as he watched the tears continue to flow. Field didn’t meet his gaze as he gently washed away the blood. He kept swiping at his cheeks and eyes, but the tears kept coming. Henry couldn’t look away.
“Tell me how I can help. I’m not Zeus and I’ll be goddamned if you ever get hurt again. Tell me what else I can do.”
Field shook his head. “Are you okay with me setting this nose, or do you want me to get Austen?”
He wanted to growl. “You can do it. This is nothing.”
Pain exploded through Henry. Field just did it, not giving Henry time to think about it. Henry refused to show any reaction andmake Field feel worse. The moment he was as clean as he would get, Henry hauled Field into his arms. The way he shook broke Henry’s heart.
“You don’t deserve to be stuck with this.” Field’s whispered words made Henry want to punch someone.
“Stuck with what? The man I love, and adore, and practically worship the ground he walks on? I know I don’t deserve to have that, but I’ll be damned if I let you get away.”
“I love you.” Field’s arms wrapped tightly around him—like holding on for dear life. He was such a huge guy, but it was easy to forget his size because he was such a teddy bear most of the time. The way Henry’s muscles screamed from the struggle reminded him now. There was no amount of exhaustion that would stop Henry from doing whatever it took.
“I love you too. Do whatever you need right now. You’ve got it. I’m here.”
Field took his hand. With his head down, looking defeated, he led Henry back to bed. At his urging, he climbed back into his long-cold spot. Field joined him and immediately draped himself over Henry like a blanket. Henry’s eyes burned. If Field had been given a different life, Henry couldn’t even imagine how beautifully he would shine. He was so good to his core.
Their lips met. Field only stole a short, sweet kiss before moving to Henry’s neck. Since Henry couldn’t breathe through his nose, that was probably a good thing. It took a minute of Field lickingthe spot Henry loved a little too much for Henry to accept the truth. Field was actually initiating things between them. For all his teasing and flirting, Field didn’t make the first move. Not ever. Even when Henry led, he was in charge every second. Field just went along with every decision and move Henry made. Henry wasn’t disappointed in their sex life. He liked being in charge, but this was different, and Henry was afraid to blink or breathe too deeply. He didn’t want Field to overthink and stop. Field’s mouth moved to Henry’s nipple. Then to the other. Henry gripped the sheets and silently swore—whatever happened—he would endure, even if that meant nothing happened. He was strong enough to be left hanging. Right now wasn’t about him. It was about Field, and Henry’s love for him.
“The day you burst in, guns drawn, and ready to rescue Mickey. You put me on my ass and under your boot so fast, I didn’t see it coming.”
He remembered. Field had immediately begun flirting and running his hand up the inside of Henry’s leg. Henry had been secretly amused.
Field kept talking while he found the lube nearby they had used only hours earlier. He worked on getting Henry wet. “No one had ever bested me before and it was a relief.” He absently fingered Henry while reminiscing. “I’ve always been the oldest, physically the strongest. Before you, no one had ever made me feel like I could rest. I’m the only one of us who had already graduated from the program before our escape. All the steps to send me out into the world as a weapon had already been taken. But there was also a part of me they still hadn’t broken. I kept it hidden. Treasured it. I still knew who all my friendshad been, and I still loved them.” He kissed Henry’s stomach. “One night, they came for Edge. Unlike the rest, I was free to see and hear what they did to him. His screams broke through the programming and reached the place they hadn’t taken from me. I’m the one who set the others free, starting the riot that eventually led to our escape. But I shouldn’t have come with them. I’m not one of them anymore. The moment that shock therapy took hold and allowed all their bullshit to program me to become compliant, I was better off dead. They should have put me down.”
“Please don’t say that.” Henry knew he had told Field to do what he needed. But he couldn’t stay silent while Field spoke of dying like he preferred it because Henry couldn’t live without him.
