Page 37 of Thief of Roses
“If I could be assured that I would have nothing else to remind me of what I have lost, I would prefer getting lost in the animal,” he confessed, “but there is no assurance of that, so I am obliged to find ways to retain my faculties.Early on, though, I realized that clinging to the edifices of humanity — fashion, routine, lifestyle — perpetuated the ridiculousness of my situation.”
“Company, then, reminds you how to be human.”
“I make a poor facsimile of a man now and only then by manipulating people to give me their time.”
“And what happened to the others that stayed with you?”
“They expressed their unhappiness and I sent them home.Anyone who stays with me is a guest bound by contract, not a prisoner bound by chains.You control what happens, every step of the way.You can choose where you go, where I cannot go, how much or how little of me you see, what we discuss, and yes, even when you want to leave.I am a poor servant, but poor or not, my function is to serve,” he repeated the words that had started this conversation, “like a good pet.”He cast his eyes away.
“None ever came back?”
“Beauty told me she would return, but never did.”
“Tell me about Beauty.”
“We tend towards brief mild winters here, but her father stumbled upon the keep during one of our infrequent blizzards, lost, tired, hungry, half-frozen.The fortress tended to his needs.And then he too stole something which he said was for his daughter.In the full bloom of my arrogance, I told him I needed his daughter in exchange.”
“What did he steal?Something worthy I hope.”
He resisted telling her that the man had also taken a rose.
“It was something precious to me.The theft came at great personal cost.”
“And Beauty lived with you too,” she said, “and you loved her.”
Baró shot Rivani a glance with her pronouncement.“Most certainly not.She was kind to me at a time when I least deserved it.”Much lyke thee.“Other than you, she is the only other who has touched me.”
“Did she care about you?”
“She cared about duty.She saw it as her duty to be here and tolerate me on behalf of her father.Beauty permitted me to keep company with her at dinner and I became her pet.I think that was how she managed, viewing me as an intelligent animal who attended to her needs.”He bit his lip, not wanting to ask but needing to know.“Are you going to stay?”
“It looks like it, doesn’t it?”She squeezed his arm.
He trembled in the absence of tears.
“We need to renegotiate some contractual items,” Rivani said.“You pledged to look after me through magic.I release you from that.You have told me it hurts you when you use it and so we should not.I have put away massive stores of food for the winter and with your hunting, we will not starve or suffer.”Fortunately, Rivani did not require Baró to respond because he could not have, so overcome by her consideration and courtesy.“We agreed that my amusements and entertainments are my own, but I am now willing to be more than just someone who gives time and space.I take pleasure in most of our joint occupations and diversions.As you are prevented from reading, if any books might be salvaged, I can read them to you.”
“You read?”
“Do you find it surprising that I read because I am Rivani or a woman?”She gave him an unimpressed glare.
“Perhaps both conditions make it seem unlikely,” he admitted, “but so few were literate when I was among others and I have had no literate company since my isolation, I assumed that things had not changed in that regard.”
“That’s fair.”She took his arm again.“I have another amendment I should like to propose.You have likened yourself to a pet, an animal that relies upon the care and attention of its masters.You have served, but you have not received reciprocal attention.”
“If I do not deserve it —”
“I wish to do something different.I give you permission to touch me, Baró.We are both allowed to say no whenever we want.You have never been disrespectful of my person.I will believe that you are worthy of care and affection unless you show me that I cannot trust you to receive either.”
“I apologize,” he said.“I do not understand what you are suggesting.I know you are demonstrating a virtue but...”He spread his hands out wide.“I earned this, all of this.Does that not show you that I cannot be trusted?”
“Whoever did this to you must have been powerful.”She stepped in front of him, reaching out to touch his cheek.“So powerful that they could have erased you from this existence.”
“This was, I believe, supposed to be a punishment worse than death.”
“And perhaps that was the intent,” Rivani agreed.“But to spare your life also means that there was something worth sparing.Your fate has been doubly cruel because it denied you that which was integral for your improvement — the care of another.And yet, you have had the strength of character to do it anyway.”
Baró found a fallen tree trunk on which to sit, his confusion and emotions getting the better of him and causing him to doubt the security of his legs.Her touch and her suggestions made his stomach knot with impossible hope and he shook with the violence of his relief and gratitude.
