Page 23 of Diesel
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ellie
“What’s your plan, Ellie?” Dad asked me over family dinner. His tone was one of all business mixed heavily with aggravation. There wasn’t an ounce of concern for me in his voice.
We were sitting around the dining room table with a freshly prepared meal that mom had made. We still sat down and ate like a normal family, even though I could tell both of my parents were beyond frustrated with me.
I had closed myself off more than normal. I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant yet, and as the days kept passing, the more panicked I became.
My body felt like it was changing every day. My pants were getting tighter and I found myself in leggings and sweats more than before. Which my mother hated and made sure to let me know every chance she could get. Also, my boobs were threatening to spill over my bra. No one seemed to have noticed. Or if they had, they didn’t say anything. I guessed when my chest was as small as it was to begin with, a little plump wouldn’t be all that noticeable. I had never been one to wear tight and fitted clothing anyway. So my slight growing body was more than likely still hidden under everything I wore. But I feared that if I grew any more things would start to become form fitting.
I was over three months along. I still had no idea what to expect when it came to growing a baby. Every day seemed different. One day, I would be fine and able to eat anything and everything. Then the next, I would feel sick and every slight smell would set off my gag reflex.
I had started talking to my belly. My baby. Reading it books late at night when I thought everyone was asleep. Telling it how I felt at whatever moment. Even though this wasn’t planned, I vowed to always love and cherish my baby. I vowed to show him or her every second of every day how grateful I was that they had come into my life. I often found myself staring off into space, smiling and rubbing my puffy stomach. My mind would drift off, picturing all the things I would do with my child one day.
Remembering that my dad had asked me a question, I snapped myself back into the moment. The truth was, I had no plan. If I was being honest, I was still just coasting along, waiting for the answer to drop itself in my lap. I knew I was going to have to put on my big girl pants and hit everything that I had been avoiding head-on.
“I don’t know,” I supplied, keeping my head down and eyes on my pile of peas.
“It is time to get your head out of the clouds,” he started. “You are not a little girl anymore. Your mother and I have given you many opportunities and you continue to slap us in the face.”
I nodded, biting my lip. I thought they had gotten over me canceling the wedding, but I was clearly wrong. I knew he was far from done with his speech and it would more than likely end with him red-faced and on the verge of yelling.
“I have tried to be patient,” he continued. “But I am done, Ellie. You will pick a date, get married, and give it your all. Steven will not wait around forever and I will not let you blow this again. Do you understand me?”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Tears filled my eyes and I watched as they dripped onto the brim of my plate.
“For Christ’s sake, Ellie,” he roared. “Get it together. I expect this to be resolved by the end of the week. If you don’t make the right choice, your mother and I cannot help you anymore.” And by cannot, he meant won’t.
My head whipped up.Are they kicking me out? Disowning me?The look on my father’s face indicated he wasn’t playing around. My eyes darted over to my mother. I could see it in her eyes, she may not have agreed with him, but she was sticking by his decision. This was it. The explosion that would send me running. But which direction would I go?
I got up and quickly made my way to my room. Yes, I felt like a scolded child, running away and pouting. But I couldn’t breathe down there. I couldn’t give them an answer and I knew I couldn’t tell them about the predicament I had found myself in.Stupid little Ellie. So pathetic.I knew I could no longer put it off.
The next night was my night to spend with Steven. I hadn’t spent the night over there since I found out I was pregnant. He never asked me to stay and I never wanted to. We would eat dinner. Most of the time it was something I prepared. Then we would watch TV. That was it. Pretty uneventful, but that was how most of my life had been.
Until I met Diesel.
The simple thought of his name sent shivers down my spine. The kind that made me tingly and warm all over. I wasn’t dumb though, I knew the mental image I had painted in my head wasn’t the real man. Still, I clung to it like a comforting blanket, allowing it to help me in my darkest and confused times.
This time though, I didn’t make dinner. I didn’t even stop to pick something up. I went over there with no distractions, intent on telling Steven everything and seeing where the path led. I fidgeted nervously on the couch while he went up to his room to change. It felt like an eternity that I played the same few words over and over in my head.
Steven, I’m pregnant and it is not yours. I don’t know what to do or how this will change the way you feel about me.
It was a good enough place to start. I was sure there would be questions to follow and I kept telling myself that I would have answers for them. Though, I was sure he could figure out how all of this happened. It all depended on how he would react.
His footfalls on the stairs made me jump. He came around and sat down on the other end of the couch. This was how we had been since I’d canceled the wedding. No touching. No cuddling. It was as if we were two people occupying the same space. The most affection he had shown me in the last two months was a light hug or a kiss on the cheek. A kiss that always made me cringe slightly. Though, I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was because I had disappointed him. Maybe it was because I had been lying to him all this time. Maybe it was just because deep down I didn’t really want him to touch me.
“No dinner tonight?” he asked with a touch of frustration in his voice.
“We should talk,” I blurted out. He sighed, leaning back into the couch and crossing his ankle over his knee.
“What is it now, Ellie? I have to say, I’m getting a little tired of all these games you’re playing.”
“I want to set some things straight,” I paused and he gave me a look of great annoyance. It didn’t help to settle my nerves but I pressed on, knowing that I needed to just get it out there. “I’m pregnant. Diesel… the guy I spent that night with…i-its his.”
“Yeah, it wouldn’t be mine,” he said in a snarky tone. I clenched my jaw and pushed on. It couldn’t have been easy to hear and I just had to brush off his attitude.
“God dammit, Ellie. You really know how to fuck everything up,” he bit out and I couldn’t help but flinch. It was harsh, but I knew I had to take it.
