Page 54 of Loch
“All I want to go on with my life,” I continued. “I need and want to work and forget what happened. I want things to feel normal again. Ineedthings to be like they were.” Again, I wasn’t just talking about the job. Even if I was hurt and mad at him, I needed him. He gave me a firm nod and I wasn’t sure if he was grasping what I was telling him. I left the door open, it was his choice to walk through it or not.
“Okay,” he said after a beat. “Then get to it. Everything is stocked right now. I’ll be in the office.” He turned and walked away.
Guessed he wasn’t going to walk through it after all. A few tears ran down my face. I quickly shook them off and took my place behind the bar, waiting for someone to walk in so I could serve them. I decided I was going to let Nate be. I wouldn’t go anywhere near that office and all the sexy memories it held.
About an hour later, the familiar rumble of a few motorcycles broke through the stillness of the bar. I smiled, actually excited to see the guys. The door pulled open and the loud chatter filled up the silence around me. They all stopped short when they saw me behind the bar. I smiled wider as I cocked my hip.
“Are you boys drinking, or what?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Hell yeah!” Bocca yelled out from the back. I lifted up on my toes trying to see him over the others. Everyone moved in and crowded around the bar as I started throwing down opened beers.
After everyone gave me their welcome back hugs or shoulder squeezes, they headed off. They broke into scattered, little groups. It all felt normal. Exactly what I needed. Bocca lingered, taking a seat in front of me. And to my surprise, Diesel took a seat too.
“So, did I miss anything good?” I asked.
The quick eye cut they gave each other wasn’t lost on me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I knew better than to ask. I sighed internally. I had come to love these guys, each in a different way. And if something were to happen to them, I would be crushed. Flashes of what had recently happened to Bocca played in my mind. While I didn’t know the exact details, I knew he went on a ride perfectly fine and came home with two bullet wounds. And from the way I found Nate after it happened, it was a hard hit to all of them. Something bad was coming, I could almost smell it in the air.
“Nothing much. So, you back now?” Bocca said shifting in his seat.
“Looks that way. I figured you boys were missing my awesome face behind the bar.”
“Andhelet you come back?” Bocca asked giving me a pointed look.
“Hedoesn’t seem much to care. And besides, you think I would let him tell me no?” I wasn’t able to hide the bitterness from my tone. “He’s been hiding in the office since I basically told him I wasn’t leaving.” I gave a shrug.
Brand showed up a little later and I made him go hang out. He had pretty much been around me twenty-four seven and I knew he was missing his brothers. It didn’t go unnoticed to me that he always had an eye on me, and every time I smiled and shook my head at him. I don’t think I would have made it to this point if it wasn’t for him. He had been there for me at every moment, every breakdown. He always seemed to know the right thing to do and he never pushed me too far.
It was a good night. If any of them felt pity for me, they hid it well. They treated me just like they had before it all happened. Nate came out a while later. He didn’t say anything to me. In fact, it felt like he was doing his best to avoid me. One time I handed him his beer and his fingers lingered against mine as he grabbed it. His eyes lifted to look at me and a shiver broke throughout my body. I was the first to look away. It was almost too intense and confusing. The emotions that surrounded us were suffocating. But I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad. I knew I would most likely end the night curled up in bed and crying about it all.
By the time I got home I was exhausted. Brand followed me back and settled himself on the couch once we were inside. I nodded letting him know I was spent and heading to bed. He returned it and I heard him settle in and click on the TV as I shuffled to my room.
Seeing Nate was too much and I was amazed I was able to hold it together as long as I did. I stripped down to my shirt and flopped onto the bed. The tears began to fall before my head even hit the pillow. I needed to let go. I needed awayto let go of him. Because at that moment, I had no idea how to begin. Being around him brought back every feeling and everything we had shared. The memories of all the times we’d spent together played like a movie in my head the whole night. One that, weeks ago, I would have sworn had a happy ending. But now it just felt like a chapter in the middle of a book that I desperately needed to end.
The next morning I woke to the smell of bacon and eggs. I made my way to the kitchen and found Chris and Brand making breakfast side by side. Brand still in his clothes from last night, or they could have been clean. Truthfully, all his clothes looked the same. His cut was hanging over his white shirt. Chris was in a pair of yellow boxers that had little palm trees over them. I giggled and brought my hand up covered my mouth. Both of them turned to me looking like they had gotten caught. Chris shrugged it off. Brand plated some food and brought it to me. He kissed my hair line and mumbled good morning as I took it. A gesture I wasn’t sure what to do with. But it didn’t go unnoticed to me that my eyes involuntarily closed as his lips met my skin.
“I’ve got to head to the clubhouse for most of the day,” Brand said as we finished eating. I nodded, wiping my mouth and trying quickly to swallow the last bite of food.
“I’m gonna swing by Nan’s here in a bit. I miss the old bat. I figured I’d spend most of the day there.” I paused for a moment. “You know you don’t have to be here. Not that I don’t appreciate it! But I’m okay.” I meant it. I was going to make it through. I just needed to take it one step at a time.
Brand looked down and shrugged. I felt like he wanted to say more but I had no idea what. Chris sat there watching the two of us with sharp eyes. Brand’s eyes looked up to meet mine and I swallowed slowly.
“I know he told you to watch me. To stay with me,” I said referring to Nate. I wasn’t positive that he had but the look on Brand’s face said it was true. I was torn between being angry and feeling protected. “You can tell him I said to go to hell.”
“No way would I ever say that to him,” he said with a cocked brow. “And I don’t mind being here. I’m here for you for anything, all you have to do it say it. Anyway, gotta do some tattoos on the brothers today. I’ve been putting it off. Call me for anything. Otherwise, see you tonight.”
“Hey, wait,” I called as he started to walk away. He turned and looked at me, hands tucked deep in his pockets. “I want one.” The words flew out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying. A smile spread across his face, his sexy dimples on full display.
“Yeah? Are you ready now?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I am.”
“Cool. Come by the clubhouse later, then.” With that, he was gone.
“You’re really going to get a tattoo today?” Chris said, eyeing me with surprise.
“Yep.” I stood up and bounced off to my room. I had no idea what I was going to get but I had half a day to think about it.
“Hey Nan,” I called out as I walked into the front door of her house. She came out from the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. A wide smile spread across her face as she saw me and I felt bad that I hadn’t spent more time with her lately.
