Page 37 of Loch
“I know, Loch. Thanks.” She patted my hand and stood up. She cleared her plate and mine, then walked out of the room.
I remained there long after she left, lost in thoughts of Reagan. Part of me wanted to man the fuck up and claim Reagan. Part of me knew that wasn’t the way to go with her. It was a struggle I didn’t know how to deal with. I wanted to protect her and when I tired she pushed back. She had a damn independent streak a mile long. It wasn’t something I was used to dealing with. In my world, and the way I was raised, a man took care of his woman. I didn’t know what to do with one that wanted to take care of herself. The best option I could come up with was to keep things the way they had been. But I knew it wasn’t going to make me happy in the end. Baby steps weren’t my thing, and I was getting tired of holding back.
“Hey, Loch,” Mel said stepping into the kitchen, arms full of bags. I jumped up and grabbed the bags out of her hands.
“Woman, you know we got prospects for this shit,” I said laughing. She patted my chest and shook her head.
“I know things have been tense around here. I figured I’d give them a little slack,” she replied. “Looks like everyone is asleep anyway. What the hell you doin’ up so early?” I shrugged.
“You got more?” I pointed at the bags. She nodded. “Lake!” I yelled knowing he wasn’t ever too far away.
“Yeah?” He popped his head into the kitchen not even a minute later, hair sticking up all over the place and rubbing his eyes.
“Get the rest of the shit outta Melody’s car.” I barked. He turned on his heels and darted out the door. “What’s all this stuff?” I said peering into the bags and seeing bright blue and green streamers and balloons. I looked in another bag and saw some paper plates. They had some weird cartoon looking dinosaurs dancing in the middle.
“Grass’ fourth birthday party,” she said like I should have known the answer. With everything going on it had slipped my mind. “Friday night. Figured make it a big party. My sister is coming down with the kids. You should invite your girl.” She didn’t look up at me as she picked through the bags like it was a normal thing to say to me.
“Everybody been talkin’?” I grunted. She laughed at me.
“Can’t keep shit to yourself in a town this small, especially when you got these guys around. Word is that you aren’t trying to keep it all in the shadows anyway.” She winked at me like the all-knowing woman she was. “Bring her by early.” It wasn’t a request.
I kissed her cheek and then left her to her organization. I didn’t want to get caught up in sorting things and putting shit together. I chuckled knowing she would pull Lake into it. She would make this party big for Grass. Melody was never one to do things half-assed. Like most of us, she had a soft spot for the little guy and felt like it was her place to step in and play mom for the big events.
I needed to get out and clear my head. After checking with Cal to make sure he didn’t need anything, I let him make sure he knew I was going to be out. With things the way they were, it was just good manners. I didn’t want him to worry if I wasn’t around for the day. Also, he would know that if I didn’t show up by tomorrow then it was time to send out a search party. He gave me the go-ahead, telling me he will call me if he needed me.
The open road and my bike gave me the relief I needed. Miles flew by under my tires as my head tried to sort out what to do about Reagan. Shit was never easy, especially with her. Questions rattled around my mind and I needed to look deep inside and find answers for them. If I was going to lay it all out there for her, then I needed to know what I was laying out and how I felt about everything. With her, I didn’t want to do the in-between thing anymore. She deserved more and if it wasn’t what I wanted, then I needed to let her go. I gave into every insecurity and every doubt I had trying to figure out what I was going to do.
First thing that bothered me was age. She was so young, but she seemed wise beyond her years. She was a product of having to always do things for herself. I was damn old and set in my ways. One of those ways was that believing my woman should be treated like a queen, and that meant me taking care of her. Somehow, I doubted that would fly with Reagan. It was the way I knew how to love. My dad took care of my mom and in return she took care of him in her own ways. He would work, kept a roof over our heads, and fixed shit when needed. She would make sure he had clean clothes and good food in his belly. The love that surrounded them seemed endless. That was what I grew up with and it was the way I knew how to show my love. I wondered if it would work for Reagan, but I felt like it wouldn’t. At the stage I was in life, I wasn’t sure how to change everything that was ingrained in me.
Next thing was the club. It wouldn’t be a problem me taking an old lady. I knew everyone there would respect it. Most of them thought she was mine anyway by the way I’d made her off limits. But I wondered how she would be able to handle the club part of my life. There were things I wouldn’t be able to tell her. There would be times I would have to go away for days, even weeks, at a time. Not to mention the fact that the club girls would always be around. Letting their man around those girls wasn’t something that most women would be comfortable with. Not that I would ever do anything for her to mistrust me, but it still wasn’t an easy thing to deal with.
Being with Reagan, even the few time I had, left me wanting nothing else. I had never felt the way I felt with her. I had never been so desperate to be inside of anyone the way I was with her. She was the top on a hellova long list. I wanted that every day, forever.
Forever… the thought of it should have sent me running, but it did the fucking opposite. It made me smile, a rare happy-as-shit smile. Like a damn kid that got everything he asked Santa for on Christmas. Maybe that’s what she was, my everything.
There was a mountain of things we needed to sit down and talk about. The end of the line was coming and I was pushing the train to its limits to get there. I knew she felt some way towards me. Just in the way her body responded to my touch told me so. But there was also more. I saw the way she looked at me when she didn’t think I was paying attention. I saw her unguarded when she let her walls slip around me. She was beautiful inside and out.
I headed home with the decision to hit this damn thing head on. First step would be to see how she did around the club at Grass’ birthday. Yes, I was going to bring her. I was going to see how she acted around the brothers and the club girls. I was going to see how she got along with the other old ladies. It was a big step for me and I knew it wouldn’t be easy on either of us. If all went well, then we would sit down and have it out. No more secrets. No more of the half-in, half-out shit we had going on.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Regan
Nate had been acting odd all week. There was a significant change in him that stood out. There was no denying that something was different. He hung around the bar when I was working, and he wasn’t hiding away in his office like he seemed to do so often. He was actually out on the floor or behind the bar. Like always, his eyes were on me, but there was something else behind them. Something more. But what? I couldn’t for the life of me put my finger on it. Every time he was near me, he made some excuse to touch me. Then he started doing it, no excuses, just a blatant caress or brush of his fingers with mine. It threw me off kilter. I couldn’t say that I didn’t like it, that was for sure. It was sweet and yet strange. The little gestures had me confused. So much that I became a clumsy and somewhat jumpy mess. I wouldn’t doubt it was because every time he touched me my heart sped up and electricity shot through my veins. Being around him made me dizzy, but having him touch me set me on fire.
I was sure everyone had noticed. He, for the most part, did it when I knew people weren’t looking. But my reaction to it lingered no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
What was I even supposed to think about it all? Confusion set in when I wasn’t around him and my brain could work. He hadn’t made any sexual advances, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it all the time. Up until that point, we’d had a hot and cold relationship going on. We came together when it seemed to be a time of need. I needed to get laid or forget the things that were going on in my head. He needed an escape from what was going on in his head or what was happening with the club. I often wondered if this was going somewhere. But I couldn’t seem to find the courage or the words to come right out and ask him. Since I enjoyed this newly found sweetness, I decided just to roll with it and take all that I could get.
Thursday night was dead. Lately, things had been calmer at the bar. Over the past few weeks, the groups of the brothers seemed to come in smaller clumps. If they even came at all. When they did, only about three or four showed up at a time. The mood was always heavy when they were around. But I had no idea why. I wondered if something big was coming but I knew I wouldn’t be in the loop as to what was going on.
Chris and I sat at the bar playing games on our phones. Everything was clean and organized, and there was pretty much nothing to do. Chris blew out an exacerbated breath beside me and looked up at the ceiling. I felt the same way, completely bored and out of things I wanted to talk about.
“It’s still early,” I said. “Maybe someone will come in and give us something to do. Hey, we should text the boys and demand entertainment.” We both laughed.
“Yeah, I don’t think I have that much weight to throw around,” he said. “But… I can think of at least three that would drop everything and come running for you. Probably more if you sent them a picture of what you’re wearing.”
I scowled, then looked down at my outfit. Okay, so yeah, I had on something a little skimpier than what I usually wore. It may have been that I was hoping to see Nate and have him drool a little over me. I wanted to give him something to think about. And, let me be real, I also really wanted to get laid.
