Page 38 of Tempting the Player
Love you xxxx
But I don’t get one back.
It's never good when you’re in a relationship with someone and they say they want to talk. I toss and turn all night, worryingabout what’s going to happen tomorrow. I finally drift off to sleep when my alarm goes off at 6.30 am.
On the way to school, my heart stops a beat when I see him.
Lucia comes running over to Jess. “Guess what, Jess? Mummy’s back!”
I go lightheaded. Floored.
That’swhy I didn’t see him yesterday,that’swhy he was distant. I remember the distant text on Saturday night when we were going to sleep. It must have been her.Fuck.
What was it he said about her? That she has a hold over him that he can’t seem to shake - something like that. He closes his eyes slowly, probably gutted that Lucia got in there first with the info - I notice the panic in his eyes when he opens them.
I can't be here, everyone’s going to see me upset, and I could cry at any minute.
“I . . . I. . . . I need you to take Jess in with Lucia, please, Nate. I have to go.”
He starts to speak, and I hold my hand up to silence him; he closes his mouth again.
He sighs, “Ok. I’ll be round at yours straight after I've dropped them off.”
I don’t look at him, I bend to say goodbye to Jess and kiss her. “Love you, sweetheart, have a good day.”
“Love you, mummy - you have a good day too.”
Not much chance of that. I turn and leave without throwing a glance his way, my hands are shaking.
When I'm inside the safety of my own house, I shut the front door and lean back against it. It comes over me in a painful wave - the news I've just heard. My legs buckle, and I slide down the door until I'm sitting on the floor. I put my head in my hands and cry. This is it, he promised he wouldn’t hurt me, and now he’sgoing to dump me because she’s back on the scene. My stomach churns, I'm going to be sick.
He breaks me out of my trance by knocking on the door. He tries the handle but can’t open it because I'm leaning my back against it.
I jump up, and he comes in. “Jesus Kate, what are you doing behind the door?”
I shrug and walk into my living room, sitting on a chair so that he can’t sit with me. I stare into space - I can’t bear to look at him, for fear of what I’ll see in his eyes.
“I'm sorry that you had to hear from Lucia that Nicki is back.” He speaks quietly.
I look at him through wet lashes. “I'm sorry that I did, too, Nathan. Why didn’t you tell me yesterday, you arsehole? I was worried all day - I thought I’d done something to piss you off.”
Guilt washes over his face. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She texted me that she was coming home for a visit - I was hoping that I didn’t have to tell you - after what I’d said about her, I didn’t want you to be worried.”
“Well, that for a start is incredibly screwed up – you should tell me everything important, including the woman being back that you can’t say no to. Why are you telling me now?”
“Because she says she’s staying this time.” He says in a whisper.
Oh shit, this is bad for me . . . really bad. “Have you told her about us? That you’re seeing someone?”
Silence.
“That’s a ‘no’. Fucking talk to me, Nate - instead of standing there like a prick!” I yell, losing my temper.
He finally meets my eyes, nothing but pain in them. “She wants to give the whole family thing another go. She wants to move in with us and do the whole mum thing. She says she’sserious this time - that she’s changed . . . I . . . have no clue what to do, Kate, this is fucked up.”
“What do you want to do?” I ask quietly.
He stands and runs his hands through his hair. “Christ, Kate, I don’t have a fucking clue what to do. What if I tell her to get lost, and Lucia misses out on a chance to be with her mum? Surely I owe it to my daughter to give her a chance.”
