Page 16 of Tempting the Player
Since seeing him again after all this time, there’s nothing about him I don’t like. He’s a great father who runs his ownbusiness – he seems to have grown up – he still knows his way around the bedroom, and I’m drawn to him, I can’t help it - and I find him on my mind more times than I’d like to admit, and it scares the hell out of me. It’s best if I don’t go there - I don’t want to get hurt. Best to stay in my safe haven.
He stands from leaning on the counter. “I’m not accepting that you don’t feel anything for me at all, or aren’t in any way curious what you and I could become. What’s so bad about agreeing to one date?”
“I don’t want to date anyone right now.” I shrug.
He sighs and looks away. We stand like that for a while until he walks over to me, he stops when he gets a few inches away.
“Fine. But let me tell you this. I’m not going to give up until you agree to go on a date with me, until you give me a chance, because after Saturday night, experiencing you… the feel of you, watching you come while I'm inside you, how fucking amazing you taste - there is no way I’m giving up on that without a fight. I think you like me too, but you can’t see past what I did to you all those years ago. You won’t even let me explain my reasons. I’m not that same person now. You’re scared, I get why you're scared, but give me a chance to show you I’m different.”
He has no idea how he made me feel that night.
I say quietly, “No one-before or after - has made me feel as bad as you did that night in the club. You know that I heard you, right?” He winces, I carry on “I’d liked you for weeks and weeks, it was bad enough that you didn’t say goodbye the morning after when you left, but I could deal with that – you warned me after all, I knew what I was getting into and that it was a casual thing, but to hear you talk about me to your friend like I was a piece of meat, when I had real feelings for you? I’ve never felt so much like a slutever, you made me feel the worst about myself. So no, I can’t move past that because you will always be that person to me. You may have changed, but that’s the only Nathan I’ll eversee. The one that treated me as worthless in front of your friends and mine.”
He puts down his barely touched drink. “I’m sorry you feel like that and even sorrier that you won’t give me a chance to explain because you're stopping yourself from trying something that could turn into something amazing.”
He shakes his head and walks past me to go to the bottom of the stairs, where he shouts Lucia. He doesn’t look at me again; he gets Lucia ready to leave. The girls say goodbye to each other, but Nathan leaves without saying goodbye to me. . . It hurts my heart a little.
Ok . . . a lot.
Chapter 6
The next few weeks are a struggle where Nathan is concerned. I try to avoid him, but it’s hard. Every time I see him in the schoolyard, he tries to talk to me. The way he looks at me, as if he really cares, kills me. He can’t care . . . can he?
Did I do the right thing? Twinges of regret grow inside me. I like him. He’s on my mind constantly. What if I should have given him a chance? Maybe I was wrong. Perhaps he's right and I’m being a coward, and my pig-headedness is stopping me from doing something that could make me happy.
I’m dreading this afternoon, as one of Jess’s school friends is hosting a swimming party, which is fine, but the adults have to get into the pool with the children. Afterwards, there’s a party in a room upstairs - I’m scared Nathan will be there. It’s a bloody pool party, I have to get in my bikini, and he might be there, practically naked. I get that he’s already seen me naked, but it’smyreaction I’m worried about more. I can’t get him out of my head as it is - if he’s there today, I’m going to have to try and keep my eyes off his lush body while I know what’s underneath his swim shorts. The other mums will be watching him. I hate the thought of him with another woman and other women ogling him, but I have no right to be jealous.
Any fears I have are confirmed when I drive to the sports centre - who pulls up in the next space? Yup. Jess and Lucia are pleased to see one another, chatting away, discussing what present they’ve got for the birthday girl. I look at Nathan, and he’s looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Hi,” I say quietly and smile.
“Hey, Kate.”
Argh, it hurts my insides to hear him say my name. I'm acting like a teenager with a crush. My body is aching to be touched by him again, to have him inside me again, to hear him laugh. I've got it bad.
I speak to the girls. “Come on, girls, let’s go and get changed.”
We walk to the entrance together. I turn to Nathan. “You go and get changed if you like? Lucia can come in with me and Jess.”
He exhales. “Thanks, I didn’t want her coming into the men’s changing room with me.”
I smile at him. “You silly thing, you should have texted me, I’d have been happy to bring her.”
He shakes his head. “No, I wanted to come.”
His eyes go down my body to my feet and back to meet my eyes, then he smiles at me and winks. Fuck, I’m in total trouble here, he winked at me – Ilikethat.
He shrugs and leans into me so that only I can hear, “Maybe I wanted to see one of the mums in her swimsuit.”
I burn red with embarrassment and walk off, leaving him behind, chuckling.
As we’re getting changed, my mind goes to Nathan, he is acting like he’s really interested in me and wants more. Perhaps I should forget about what happened in the past and focus on how he is with me now. What if I could be happy, really happy with him in my life? What if I give him a chance, and it works out, and I end up with everything? I’m going to keep an open mind about him, maybe give him a little chance, to see what happens. I nod to myself, a weight lifted by my decision, and a little sliver of excitement has crept in.
When we walk into the pool area, I scan the area, but I can’t see him anywhere yet. Good. I can climb in without worryingthat he will be watching me and be self-conscious. When we get into the pool, the girls go off straight away. There are lots of floats and other toys in the water, and they go to play. It’s not deep, they can easily touch the floor. I stay close, keeping an eye on them when I see Rosie and Charlotte, a couple of the other mums from school. I wade my way through the waist-deep pool to go and say hello, still keeping a constant eye on the girls.
I smile at them, “Hi guys, don’t you just love pool parties?” I say sarcastically.
Charlotte, who’s only twenty-four, shakes her head, “I swear to God, whoever invented pool parties, making parents go into the water with the children should be hung, drawn and quartered. This is my worst nightmare!”
