Page 15 of Tempting the Player
What? No!
“That’s not a good idea. What’s there to talk about? I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“Fair enough, if that’s the way you feel - I’m sure as fuck not going to beg.” He sighs.
“Ok, Nathan, see you tomorrow.”
“Back to Nathan again, right.” He sounds pissed off, but what the hell did he expect? “But think about this, Kate, how does your doing this make you any better than I was ten years ago, except I will admit I was an arsehole for doing that, but I've grown up in the last ten years - it would seem that you have not.”
I hear a click, he's hung up on me. Unease washes over me. Self-doubt, was he right? Does that make me worse than him? Maybe he wanted more than one night. Every woman, everywhere he goes, stops what they’re doing to stare at him - he’sthatgood looking – so what the hell does he want with me? He could have anybody.
I never asked him about the lack of condom situation. I text him.
We didn’t use a condom, I’m covered for contraception, and you don’t need to worry about catching anything from me. Do I need to worry? x
It’s a while before I get one back.
There have only ever been two women with who I haven’t used a condom, one is Lucia’s mum, and the other one is you – so you’re fine, you have nothing to worry about.
He’s used a condom with everyone else? What does that mean? At least that’s one less thing I need to worry about. That was stupid of me.
I phone Amanda and Karen and fill them in on the events. Amanda is excited and tells me we’re going to live happily ever after. Where did she get her optimism from? Life isn’t going her way right now. She wants a baby and can't seem to get pregnant, despite that, she is always positive. She's inspiring... maybe I should take a leaf out of her book more often. Even Karen seemed to warm to him when I told her what he had said, but she agreed that I had done the right thing. Self-preservation and all that.
I eventually drag myself out of bed and make myself tidy the house and do a little cleaning before Jess comes home, but no matter how much I try, he's never far from my mind.
Chapter 5
When drunken me decided that embarking on a night of passion with Nate was a good idea, I forgot I was having Lucia for tea on Monday night. I didn’t time that very well, so whether I like it or not, I have to see him when he comes to collect her.
He’s not at school on Monday morning, Lucia’s grandma drops her off at school so he must have been at work (or now I know what his body is like under those clothes, he may have been at the gym!), all that time making sure my hair looked good was a waste of time - even though when I made an extra special effort at school this morning, I told myself it wasn’t for him…it wasn’t…honest…
I collect the girls from school and text Nathan to tell him to get Luce around seven. When seven gets close, I go upstairs and titivate my hair and put a little bronzer on, I tell myself that I would do that for anyone coming round, but I'm lying to myself. I have on dark blue skinny jeans and change my top for a fitted multi-coloured top that shows off my boobs. What am I playing at?
He’s right on time at seven, and when I open the front door and see him standing there, my heart skips a beat. He’s dressed in jogging bottoms and a long-sleeved t-shirt, quite fitted, but not over-the-top fitted - just the right amount.
“Hey, come in. They’re upstairs playing, I’ll give them a shout.”
He walks in, and I open my mouth to shout to the girls, “No, wait a minute, I want to talk to you.” I clamp my mouth shut. I decide to let him have his say so that this awkwardness between us will hopefully go away.
I sigh and nod towards the kitchen. “Ok, come on, I’ll make us a brew.” He follows me, and I ask him what he has.
“Tea with three sugars and plenty of milk for me.”
I spin around “Really? Three sugars?” Ew . . . that’s disgusting.
He gives me an embarrassed smile. “What? You know I’m a workman, right? It’s the law.”
Whatever . . . I would weigh about twenty stone if that were me; it’s not fair. I make his tea, and when it’s done, I shout to the girls that Lucia’s dad is here, but that they have fifteen more minutes.
I return to the kitchen, where Nathan is standing with his tea in hand, staring thoughtfully at the floor.
I bite the bullet. “I'm sorry I walked out on you Saturday night, you were right it must have seemed childish and immature from your side - but from my side, in my head, it was just one night - a mutual understanding - I've been there once, I know the drill, so I was saving us any embarrassment or awkwardness in the morning.”
“Let me take you out, Kate.” He pleads. “I should have made it clear on Saturday night, but I wanted you too damn much and I couldn’t think straight. It wasn’t a one-night thing for me, I want to take you out - see where this could lead - if we could be something.”
I shake my head. “Sorry, honey, but that’s not what I want.”
Did I just say that? Idowant to go out with him, seeing him standing here in my kitchen, it scares me how much I want to go out with him, that’s why I won’t let myself go there - I won’t put myself in a position to be hurt because if I let him, he could definitely hurt me.
