Page 154 of Perfect
I don’t know how long we’ve been in the bedroom or how many times I’ve come, buteverythingis sore and I’m so exhausted that I’m on the brink of passing out. The room is so soft around the edges that it’s all blurring together, so I close my eyes and relax into the feeling until I’m blurring at the edges, too.
“I could do this forever,” I whisper, and Theo laughs softly.
“Honey, could you evenhandlemore right now? You aresofucked out.” I grin up at him lazily as I shake my head, and he’s quiet for long enough that I start to drift off. “Sweetheart, were you talking about the sex?” I shake my head again, and he sweeps me up into his arms and holds me tightly, stroking my oversensitive skin and pressing gentle kisses along my face and neck.
He doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his heart pounding in his chest, and it lulls me to sleep.
***
“This issuchbullshit. Nadya should have chosen James, because this guy fuckingsucks. God, all these people are fuckingidiots.”
“Mmhmmm,” I murmur, kissing Theo’s shoulder softly. Even hours later, my body feels like jello, my mind is hazy and blissful, and everything still has a washed-out, glowy quality. I lean further into Theo’s arms, delighting at getting to be so happy just sitting here and watching dumb reality TV with my perfect boyfriend after being fucked stupid.
This is what I want for the rest of my life, and I probably should have kept that to myself, but I’m not great at doing what I should with Theo. I look up to see him staring down at me, his expression adoring and almost confused.
“I can’t even explain how happy you make me,” he whispers.
“Makes two of us,” I say quietly, and he grins, both of his faint dimples visible. I see the moment the thought crosses his mind, and he rolls his lips and works his jaw as he tries not to bring it up.
I watch with amusement as he fails.
“Can we talk about it a little bit?Please?” I laugh as I look back over at the laptop.
“No,Teddy.We’re taking things slow, remember?”
“Yeah, right,” he mutters.
“Weare,” I protest. When I glance up at him, he’s got a gooey, affectionate expression on his face as he sweeps my hair behind my ear, and I can’t help but melt into him a little more. “We’ll be dating for a while.”
“Forever, ideally,” he says softly.
“Theodore,” I warn, and he smiles at me sheepishly. I shake my head at him, turning back to the show again. “Ideally, yeah,” I add very quietly.
He shuts the laptop, shoving it towards the foot of the bed before kissing me deeply. I sigh contentedly and wrap my arms around his neck as he whispers promise after promise against my skin. I let myself get swept away in the moment, in my own joy, and I start whispering soft, affectionate things I shouldn’t be saying yet in between slow, deep kisses.
Fuck it, I don’t care about going slow anymore.
We’re on the same page, and we’ll probably get to the next one much sooner than we should, but it’ll all work out anyway. Things seem to work out for us, even though they shouldn’t.
This kind of happiness feels impossible, but it’s not. It’sreal. It’s all finally real.
46
THEO
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25
It's three in the morning, and I should be asleep with Alex in my arms, peaceful and calm and dreaming about our future, the future we’re finally on thesame fucking pageabout. If I'm awake, I should be emailing the jeweler to see how long the ring I ordered on Friday will take to make, and then figuring out where and when and how I’m going to propose.
I shouldnotbe fighting off a panic attack and drinking whiskey like it’s my fucking job.
All I wanted was one perfect weekend to ignore everything and live blissfully in the bubble of time between Alex telling me she loves me and Dr. Mills telling me something that will make me hate myself more than I already do.
I didn’t think it was too much to ask to have one weekend where I get to pretend everything is perfect, to not think about what a fuckup I am, to just be happy with the woman I love.
It was all going exactly how I wanted until Alex told me how grateful she was that I did everything she asked me for.
She told me that hertrustingme made it possible for her to choose me, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life choosing me. The second she said that, the thoughts and feelings started creeping back in.
