Page 155 of Perfect
I can’t let them in, otherwise I’m going to lose my shit.
I would never resent Alex for anything, but Ireallymiss my delusion right now.
I take another long swig of whiskey from the bottle, trying hard to compartmentalize. I’m already drunk, but I need to dull myself down enough that I stop thinking or feelinganything.
Alex’s drinking problem is understandable, because it’s fucking effective. Hers seems to be going away, though, and I think mine is just starting.
Once my mind is muddled enough that I can slip back into the bubble I’ve created around this weekend, I head back downstairs and brush my teeth as I stare at Alex’s sleeping form, illuminated by the moonlight coming through the large bedroom windows. Her arm is stretched across my side of the bed, like she reached out for me after I left.
I’m still astounded by the fact that she’s here, in love with me, committed to me in a way I’m almost positive I’m making up, and genuinely happy in a way she hasn’t gotten to be in a long time, if ever.
If she gets to be happy, I get to be happy, at least for another two days.
***
I wake up late in an empty bed, slightly hungover. I lie there and listen to the quiet sounds of Alex doing something in the kitchen, so I slip on sweatpants and walk upstairs to make her breakfast. I stop dead when I find her waiting for me in lingerie and tall black heels, sipping her coffee and eating some toast. She smiles at me sweetly, pouring me a cup of coffee.
“Good morning.” Her voice is soft and sultry, sending a wave of heat down my spine. She hands me the coffee as she pushes me back against the counter, and I stare down at her, thrilled but unsure of what’s happening.
Then she gets down on her knees in front of me, looking up at me with a sly smile.
How have I never had this specific fantasy about her?
“I have a feeling it’s about to be averygood morning,” I say as I sip my coffee. Alex grins as she starts slipping my sweats down, kissing my hips as she goes, looking up at me as she drags her pretty pink tongue up the underside of my cock before she sucks me into her warm, wet, gorgeous mouth. I moan at how good she feels, and she moans back, running her hands up my body. I have to set down the cup of coffee she made me because I’m afraid I’m going to drop it.
This is the best morning of my life.
This kind of happiness feels impossible, because itisimpossible. It’s not real, but Alex doesn’t need to know that, and I’m going to keep it from her as long as I can. I’ll kill her husband, marry her immediately, come in her three times a day until she’s pregnant, and then spend the rest of my life trying to make up for something that she doesn’t even know I’ve done.
Nope, I’mnotthinking about that right now.
“That’s it, sweetheart,justlike that.” Alex looks up at me and moans as her fist works in concert with her mouth, and I lean my head back against the cabinets, enjoying her. She’s so perfect, and she’s all mine.
I know that’s not how I’m supposed to think about her, but no amount of working on myself in therapy can convince me that she’s not mine, especially not right now. I don’t deserve this, and I don’t deserveher, but I’m in the bubble again, so I look down at her as I run my fingers through her silky hair and grip the back of her head.
“Be a good girl and relax for me.” Her eyes stay locked on mine, and she nods quickly, whimpering as I push myself deep into her throat. She gags a little, and I pull her head back, giving her a break before I push in again.
“Can you take more of me?” She makes a small sound of acquiescence, and I push in deep, keeping her there until she starts to gag harder and drool a little. When I pull her head back, she’s staring up at me adoringly and swirling her tongue around the head of my cock, and I have a hard time not coming right then.
I could spend the rest of my life having mornings like this, and I’m going to do everything in my power to do that. I’ll make her dinner on Tuesday,slightlydrug her wine, and remove the tracker while she’s asleep.
It’s small and inserted shallowly, so I won’t have to make a big incision. I’ve been practicing on various cuts of meat for weeks, and I’ve gotten the technique down well enough that it won’t hurt her, she won’t notice, and it won’t leave a scar.
She’ll never even know it was there.
I can’t think aboutanyof that right now. I can only think about how perfect Alex is, how in love we are, and how this is all real now. That, and how good it feels to have the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with sucking my cock like this first thing in the morning, moaning like it’s getting her off, too.
I look down and see that she’s touching herself, and heat builds at the base of my spine quickly.
“Oh,fuck,” I say, my voice low and harsh. Alex pulls off me, smiling as she jerks me off against her lips.
“Please give it to me,” she begs, and she keeps jerking me off quickly as she slips me back in her mouth, hollowing her cheeks around me. I try to hold out, but I can’t, not when she’s looking up at me like this, flushed and wide-eyed and begging. I swear loudly as I come, and she moans excitedly, closing her eyes as she swallows. I reach down to cup her face, pulling her off me and running my thumb over her swollen, wet lips.
“That’s my perfect fucking girl,” I whisper, and she blushes a deep pink.
“All yours,” she says, her voice sweet and a little raspy. I look down at her, overwhelmed. Sheismine, and she wants to keep it that way. We both do.
I’m never going to tell her about the tracker.
