Page 153 of Perfect
“If that’s what you want, I should force you to answer questions more often.” He laughs a little, relaxing a bit. “What were you like with Ashley?” I lower my voice slightly. “I want to know about the stalking, too, so it all counts as one question.” He groans and sips his beer.
“You’redefinitelynot coming.” I roll my eyes, knowing that’s unlikely. “Uh, frommyperspective, things were easy, and I was really good to her. We met at a party, I pursued the shit out of her, and then we started dating. We had a great sex life, we went on nice dates and weekend trips, I spoiled her, I was nice to her friends, I helped her study, I tried to take care of her and be who she needed. You know, boyfriend stuff.” He exhales hard, looking at the table.
“Fromherperspective, I was intense and closed off. She said everything started out normal, but after I told her I loved her, I started scaring her with how I was acting. She thought I was obsessed with her, and she said I turned into an overbearing sex addict who wouldn’t leave her the fuck alone for two minutes at a time.” I look away from him, biting the insides of my cheeksto keep from laughing and working hard to school my face back into neutrality.
“I guess she and Kevin started fucking around that time. She said they both thought I was losing it, but neither of them knew what to do about me. The brain damage fucked up his memories, so I have no idea how Kevin felt, but he acted like nothing was different at the time. They both did, honestly. When Kevin told her I bought a ring, she said she knew she needed toescapeme,” he says, his voice hurt. He pauses as someone brings out our food, and I sip my beer, waiting until he leans closer and lowers his voice.
“Uh, I’d been mostly good about keeping my impulses in check until she broke up with me, but after that…” I raise my eyebrows, and he looks away from me, shrugging. “I just gave in. I followed her around, attended her classes, showed up at her internship, hacked her Facebook and her email, stuff like that. She blocked me, so I kept calling and texting her from different burner phones. I wanted her back, and I wanted…access to her.” He shrugs again, finishing his beer quickly. “Then I learned how to pick locks so I could get into her place whenever I wanted, andthat’swhen I found out about her and Kevin.” I nod, thinking about my next question as I squeeze lemon juice on everything.
I should ask more about the stalking, or about Kevin, or about literally anythingotherthan what I want to ask. I’m getting very hung up on one part of it, but I know it’s the wrong thing to focus on. It doesn’t evenmatter.
“You bought a ring?” I flush, slightly embarrassed that I asked.
He looks at me incredulously. “Yeah, Alex, of course I fucking did. I loved her, and my grandparents loved her, and all I wanted was to be with her. I would have proposed a few months into dating, but she was really practical, so I was waiting until she gotaccepted to med school.” I nod, looking at my food and thinking for a minute while I eat.
I’m not sure how to say what I’m feeling, so I throw caution to the wind and just start talking.
“I’m glad she left you.” Theo looks at me, shocked and hurt, and I raise my hands placatingly. “To be clear, I think it’s super shitty that she and Kevin fucked around behind your back. You didn’t deserve that. I mean, you shouldn’t have stalked her or tried to kill him because of it, but still, I’m sorry it happened. And I’m sorry prison sucked, but it kind of feels like if you hadn’t gone, maybe we wouldn’t have…it’s just, I feel like everything awful that happened to us in the past made sure that we ended up here right now, you know?” Theo freezes, huffing out a short breath.
“I’m happy we’re here. Together. For real,” I say quietly, smiling at him a little. My smile fades when I see his jaw is clenched and his knee is bouncing quickly, and I’m instantly worried that I’ve fucked up and expressed it wrong. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just trying to…I don’t know, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, and his legs tangle with mine under the table as he looks away from me, blinking quickly and running a hand over his mouth.
I reach over and squeeze his other hand, relaxing as his fingers immediately intertwine with mine and squeeze back. I wait for him to look at me again, and when he does, I lean forward across the table and kiss him, running my free hand up the side of his neck and cupping his jaw.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips before kissing him again. “You’re the best person I know and you’remine, and you make me so happy.” I kiss him again, and he makes a soft, content sound. “I mean, you’re absolutely fuckinginsane, but I love it. Thank you for letting me choose you.” He ducks his head down, rubbing a hand over his face.
“Jesus, Alex. Don’t make me cry in public,” he says, shooting me a tender look. I sit back down and rub my leg against his under the table.
“You can punish me when we get home, if you want?” He laughs, shaking his head down at his food before taking a bite.
“Depends on your last question.” I run a fry through the tartar sauce slowly, debating.
I should ask him things he still avoids talking about, like the stalking, or his friendship with Kevin, or his mom and why she left. None of that is what I want to ask about, but I shouldn’t open that door with him. It’s way too soon, and he’ll be a fucking nightmare about it.
I look up at him, at his adoring expression, and I let myself lean into my feelings and do what I want. Fuck it – we’re in love, everything is amazing, we’re having a perfect weekend, and I want him to know how I feel about him. We cracked open that door last night anyway, and I know I can ask about everything else later. I take a sip of my beer to hide my smile.
“You know I don’t like diamonds, right?” I finger the necklace around my neck, zipping the pendant up and down the chain with my left hand, trying not to smile. Theo’s eyes go wide, and his head cocks slightly to the side as he stares at me.
“Are we talking about this?” His voice is a low whisper, and I shake my head.
“No. We’re being smart and goingslow, but I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.” He laughs weakly, his smile growing wider.
“We’re on the same page,” he says quietly, and I can tell from the look on his face that I’ve ruined us going slow in any real capacity.
That's fine. I hate going slow with him, anyway. I still need him to prove he can do it if I ask him to, but I won’t make him prove it forever.
“So, do I get to come when we get home?”
He gives me a wicked grin. “Oh, sweetheart, that’sallyou’ll be doing today.”
“You promise?”
“Fuck, yeah. Also, for future reference, I keep my promises.” He and I stare at each other, our ankles interlocked under the table, and a swell of happiness fills my body.
This is perfect.
***
“You’ve beensucha good girl for me,” Theo coos against my neck as he finishes inside of me again, running his hands down my body, kissing me as he starts to undo the knots in the rope. I whimper in protest as he pulls out of me and helps me straighten my legs.
