Page 88 of The Bonds We Break
I think about King’s letter and my unpacked suitcases and the fact I’ve felt like a zombie since the moment I unfolded that piece of paper he’d torn from a notebook on my desk.
I think about the way King took the coward’s way out, without respecting me enough to actually discuss this in person.
“I feel like he owes me a conversation,” I say.
“You wanna call him?” Rose asks. “We could take a walk, give you some privacy.”
I shake my head. It’s late on Christmas Day. “You and I both know he’ll be drunk in the clubhouse. I’ll try not to think of what he’s doing there. I don’t want to believe he just threw his promise to be monogamous out the window.”
Ryker does a double take as he looks up from a cookie he was about to devour. “He promised to be monogamous? Do I even want to know what else he promised?”
“Probably not.” I’m not sure how my brother would take all the clauses about my body being King’s twenty-four seven, or worse, the sex list we worked our way through. Perhaps the most mortifying part would be the fact I enjoyed every delicious minute of it.
Perhaps that’s one of the things that bothers me most. I had a taste of what sexual fulfilment felt like, and I have a feeling it will be impossible to find someone else capable of achieving what King did.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“I’m serious, Rae. Do you want me to talk to him? Because, honestly, that’s a compromise to killing him. I hate seeing you like this.”
Ryker stuffs the rest of his cookie in his mouth, and I raise an eyebrow. “Still hungry?”
He shrugs. “Stress eating,” he mumbles, and a puff of crumbs escape his lips, making me laugh.
God, my emotions are on a roller coaster. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Whatever you need, we’re here for it,” Rose says.
“Thank you. When I figure out what that is, I’ll tell you. I just knew I didn’t want to sit alone on Christmas Day. Thank you for coming, both of you.” I face my brother. “And maybe it all did some good. If I had any impact on him, I hope you see it in the way he leads the club.”
Rose disappears into the other room to clear the table.
“You see it, don’t you?” Ryker asks before wiping his mouth with a napkin.
“See what?”
“The man beneath the patch.”
I nod. “I do.”
“King’s redeemable, right?”
“He is.” I take a closer look at Ryker. The bags beneath his eyes are gone. But I still see the vigilance. “And so are you.”
Ryker shakes his head. “I wasn’t talking about me.”
“Weren’t you? You’re redeemable too, Ryker. When will you know the outcome?”
When they arrived yesterday, he told me the ATF plans to launch an investigation into his time with the Iron Outlaws. A friend in the department had tipped him off. There’s nothing he can do yet until any charges are formalized.
“I have no clue. Briar’s worried,” he says.
“Are you?”
“Don’t love the idea of doing time, but worst case it’s a couple of years. I’ll face it when the time comes.”
“Are you sure being a member of the Iron Outlaws is worth it?”
At this, Ryker smiles. “Every day I wake up and think about whatIwant to do today. I manage the strip club and have made it safer for the women. I ride my bike most days, often with Spark. I come home to Briar. We’re building a good life. The club has the best lawyers. Maybe they’ll work a miracle. Either way, I’ll be fine.”
