Page 87 of The Bonds We Break
“Fair, Rae. But did you not know he was bringing you home to stay?”
I shake my head. “No. It was the opposite. It was really special. All of it. Being here with him.”
“First thing I care about is always gonna be that you are okay and safe. But I need to know what I’m dealing with before I head back in the morning. I’ll put it this way, does anything that happened put me at more risk?”
“Shit. I’m sorry, Ike. No. No, it doesn’t.” See, I’m not even thinking straight. Of course Ryker cares about me, but this directly affects him too. “He said in the letter that it wouldn’t.”
Ryker leans back against the counter. “Wait. He sent you a letter?”
I explain the past few days. It’s hard to put it into words. Such a perfect day that turned into utter nothingness. I’m struggling to process what happened. I’m struggling to see how something that felt so utterly wonderful disappeared into the ether.
“So, yes. He left me a letter. He said he didn’t want to drag me into his life after the one we’ve had.”
My brother runs a hand over his face. “It’s not that he doesn’t think enough of you, Rae-Rae. It’s that he thinks too much of you. You got through to him. You think he gives a shit about every woman he ever slept with?”
“Ryker,” Rose snaps as she enters the kitchen with a handful of glasses. “No woman wants to hear about the other women her lover has slept with.”
My brother looks to her, then me. “Shit. Fair. Sorry, sweetheart. Sorry, Rae. She’s right. I shouldn’t have said that. But what I mean is, it shows he actually cares about you.”
“Can I ask you an honest question?” I ask.
“Always.”
“Are you just saying all this because of your relationship with King and what this all means for it?”
I see the hurt before I hear the answer. I know the words he’s about to say are the truth. “I would have still rather had the ink carved off my back than have you involved in any part of this. But the truth is, I’ve always seen a redeemable side to King. I told you that when we hid out here after Iris’s rescue mission, to catch our breaths. He’s a good man placed in extreme circumstances. He lost his parents within hours of each other. He almost lost his sister. He lost a man he considered an uncle when Clutch’s dad died. Grief, loss, betrayal. It makes you hard. And I could see it happening to him. I would never put you in harm’s way, but these past couple of weeks, I felt like you were making a breakthrough.”
I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. “I thought I was too. King and I were talking. Sharing the shadows within us. I don’t know how it went ...” Tears sting my eyes, and I choke down the words I was about to say.
“For the record, when I saw the two of you together at dinner, you looked happy,” Rose says.
My brother nods. “And I haven’t seen you look that kind of happy in a really long time. Maybe not ever. Same goes for King. I thought there was more to the two of you than the deal.”
I take a breath and process what Ryker just said. “I thought there was too.”
Rose slips her arm over my shoulders. “We can’t all be wrong.”
“You want me to talk to him when I get back?” Ryker asks.
I huff a short laugh. “No. This isn’t high school. And King is a grown-ass man who makes his own decisions. I think I need some time to process it. To decide what I want.”
What would I have to give up to be with King? I’d have to leave the security of the house I bought myself and move to New Jersey, where I’d have to build a new client base. Do I want to put myself in harm’s way by associating with the Iron Outlaws?
Could I spend the rest of my life without King in it?
Or worse, could I see him periodically when I go visit Saint and Rose? Watch as his life progresses. As he finds a woman. Has kids. Could I bear it, even if I found another chance at happiness with someone else?
“Do you love him?” Ryker asks.
If I can’t trust my brother with my real feelings, then I don’t know who else I can trust. “I do. Deeply.”
Ryker steps over to Rose and me and pulls both of us into his strong arms for a group hug. It’s reassuring and safe. He places a kiss on top of my head. “It’s always been the two of us, Rae. Now there’s Briar. Doesn’t mean there’s less room in my priorities for you.”
“And that’s why I love you, old man,” Rose mumbles from where she’s tucked into his arm.
It makes us all laugh as Ryker lets go of us.
“So, what are you going to do?” Rose asks.
