Page 45 of Stay With Me
“And you said?” He pushes.
“I said I’m scared. I’m afraid that in a few years he’s gonna want things I can’t give him, that he’s going to resent me for things I have no control over. No matter how badly I wanted to say yes, life isn’t a fairytale. Reality always comes back around and I wouldn’t survive it if he woke up one day and realized he made a mistake in choosing me.” The burn in my eyes matches the lump forming in my throat again as I push my emotions back down.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re talkingabout babies, right?” He asks, tiptoeing around the subject. I nod back at him and he seems to think hard about what he wants to say.
“The doctors told you there’s no chance?” He asks, and I shrink into myself.
“They told me it is incredibly unlikely. I don’t want to drag him into a mess like that. I love him too much to ask him to,” I reply.
Breaker barks out a laugh, and I snap my gaze to his, unsure of what could possibly be funny in this discussion. He gets a far away look in his eyes before leveling me with a stare that is full of pain and understanding.
“Has he told you anything about me? About where I come from?” He asks, and I shake my head. “Figures. It’s not really anything I like to share. The people who created me were… broken. Thats the best way I can describe them. They were both drug users, in and out of rehab and jail more times than I can fucking count. Once they got tired of beating on each other, one or the other would take their turns beating on me. Finally, when I was five, my teacher noticed I came to school dirty, noticed more bruises on me than a normal little kid. Long story short, the state intervened, and I was put into the system. I won’t lie to you. I was fucking terrified. Even though I was just a kid, my parents always told me horror stories about the shit that happens to kids when they get put into foster care. I cried myself to sleep every night for a fucking week in my first foster home. But then something really incredible happened. My teacher, the one who I blamed for taking me away from my parents, told me her and her husband wanted to adopt me. She explained to me she had cancer when she was young and couldn’t have any children of her own. She told me she believed everything that happened to her was meant to be that way just so we could find each other. She just knew I was meant to be hers. Until that moment, I never felt like anyone in this world cared if I disappeared. What if everything that has happened in your life is leading you to the one who is supposed to be yours, Kels?” His voice is soft and genuine as I choke back my tears. My heart aches for the little boy I see in my mind, the one who grew into the man I see in front of me. He’s rough around the edges, but he’s a good person. I’d be lucky if I was able to raise a man like him, Everett, or Elijah.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Breaker. But I guess the universe knew what it was doing when it put you through that,” I reply.
“Kelsea, I won’t sugarcoat it. You may never carry children. But that does not mean you will never be a mother or have a family if that’s what you want in this life. I know Everett will do absolutely anything to make it happen if that’s your dream. My parents aren’t perfect by any means. They fight just like every other marriedcouple. We all had some growing pains after my adoption. But there’s no one in this world who has ever loved me or each other as much as they do. It’s not fair to Everett or yourself to give up a life that could be incredible over a what-if. Because what if you said yes and a year from now, a kid like me shows up in your life? What if ten or twenty years from now you still lay your head down every night knowing you have a man by your side that loves you so fucking much, he’d die for you? Do you really want to miss that?” He asks, staring off into space.
“No. I’d never want to miss that,” I whisper.
“Well, I guess you have your answer then, huh?” He says, smiling back at me.
“Wow, old age really does make you wise, doesn’t it?” I joke and he scowls back at me.
“Just had to be a fucking smartass,” he grumbles, and I laugh.
“You’d never have me any other way,” I wink at him and he scoffs. “Thank you, Breaker. Really.”
He nods back at me, letting the silence drag out between us.
“Well, I guess I should get going,” he says, standing to leave.
“Hey, can I give you some advice too?” I ask him as his hand hovers above the doorknob. He quirks an eyebrow in my direction and I go on. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever you think is so important that you can’t have her, it doesn’t matter. When she was scared and neededsomeone to save her, yours was the name she called. That has to mean something, right?”
I see his spine stiffen, but he doesn’t say another word. He walks through the door, slamming it behind him and leaving me to wrestle with my own demons in peace.
thirty-four
LeavingKelsea in that room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I know I overreacted, but her fears sparked fears of my own. What if she’s right? What if a decade from now, she realizes the life I've given her isn’t what she wants? I know she’s told me time and time again that her childhood was much darker on the inside than it looked. But I can never give her the kind of life her parents did. My business is very successful and still growing. I’m damn proud of the man I’ve become. But I’ll never have generational wealth like that. I gave that up when I wrote my parents off.
But despite all of my doubts and fears, I love Kelsea more than I’ve ever loved another living being. I want her to have everything she desires in this life, even if that isn’t me. But I'm not giving up that easily. I spent the night inmy sister's guest room, letting Kelsea cool off and considering what I want most in my future. Which is why I find myself standing outside the only jewelry store in Grovewood, waiting for Elijah to show up. I hear the rumble of his approach before I see him turn the corner. Pulling his bike up to the curb behind my truck, he swings his leg over the seat and straps his helmet onto the back.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks, giving me a back-slapping hug.
“Never been more sure of anything,” I reply, and he nods.
“Well then. Shall we?” He opens the front door, a bell above the door announcing our arrival.
An older gentleman stands behind the counter, wiping down the glass display cases meticulously. He smiles in our direction as we browse the selection of rings he has on display.
“Elijah! So nice to see you again, son!” he says, his voice gravelly with age.
“Mr. Parker, it’s nice to see you too, sir,” Eli replies, shaking his hand.
“What can I do for you boys today? Shopping for something for your new bride?” he asks.
Elijah beams back at him at the mention of my sister. “No, sir. Not this time. It’s his turn now,” he says, motioning towards me.
“Ah, Mr. Blake, a certain young lady has dazzled youalready?” The old man quirks an eyebrow towards me and I laugh.
