Page 78 of The Duchess' Ultimatum
“Dorian…” Barbara’s voice spoke softly from behind him.
He turned to find his sister lingering in the doorway. She looked as sad as he had ever seen her, and he knew the reason why. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in…” He tried for a smile but it died on his lips.
Barbara approached him carefully, the sadness growing. “I thought I’d find you here.”
He chuckled bitterly. “Am I that obvious?”
“You miss her, don’t you.” She took his hand and gave it a kiss. “You can tell me, even if you can’t admit it to yourself.”
“It has only been two days,” Dorian said as if that mattered. “Besides, I hardly knew her. How can I miss that which I did not even know.”
“You know that is not true.”
“It is.”
He was hurting more than he wanted to admit. More than he knew he was capable of doing. How was such a thing possible? As he said, he hardly knew Penelope. Not really. Not as well as he should have. Married for three years, but it was only a few weeks that they had even known one another. The effect of her going home should not have hit him so hard.
Dorian forced a smile, not wanting his sister to worry. “I’m glad that you are feeling better,” he said to her.
“I am,” she said, looking as if she meant it. “In fact, that is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
Her smile grew. “It concerns what we spoke about the other day, by Mother’s gravestone. I have been doing some thinking and, considering everything – for so long, I hid myself away. Terrified of the world and why? Because one man thought to ruin it for me?” She scoffed. “Lord Kenbrook is not worth the amount of pain he brought me.”
Dorian snarled. “No, he is not.”
“And you were right,” she continued. “It is time that I re-enter society. I am sick of being afraid. But more than that, I am sick of being alone.”
“Alone? Dorian winced at the words as if they were personal. “Barbara, you were never – I will always be here for you. You know this.”
“As you know that’s not what I meant. I know you love me, but you can’t look after me forever. Nor should you. I need to go out on my own, Brother. What is more, I want to.”
“You do?”
“Surprised?” she laughed.
He forced a smile. “Glad, is perhaps a better word to use.”
That was a lie.
Dorian knew he should have felt relief to hear his sister’s word. This was what he always wanted. This was his purpose. But that was also the point. With this purpose fulfilled, what would he do with himself now? Who was he if not his sister’s protector? It was a fear that had plagued him this past week, ignored and fought against, now wreaking havoc with his conscience in a way that was all too predictable.
And once Barbara leaves me, I will truly be alone. Not something I ever feared before, but that which now terrifies me.
Although he knew too that it wasn’t so much being alone that scared him, as it was having no reason to live.
“I am happy for you,” he said, needing to emphasize the point. “Truly, Barbara. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she said with a coy smile. “I can think of one person…” As she trailed off, she raised a knowing eyebrow.
He scoffed. “I am perfectly happy.”
“Liar.”
“I am!” he cried lamely. “What reason do I have to not be happy?”
“I can think of one.” She kept that eyebrow raised. “And before you lie to me again, remind me what you are doing in here? This room of all those in the house? Staring at an empty bed as if the world is crashing down around you?”
