Page 38 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
“Can we please go down to dinner?” Officer Kingsley asked, apparently growing weary of the discussion at hand.
Thomas nodded, following his friend who was already standing and ready to bolt. They made their way down the stairs to the inn restaurant and had a seat at the same table they had been eating at most evenings.
“You know, I understand that you struggled a great deal at the party, but I found it to be rather magnificent,” Officer Kingsley noted.
“So you said. You rambled on and on about a young woman last evening. I have never heard you speak so dearly about a single woman,” Thomas noted.
“She was not like most, I confess,” he replied.
“And what made her so unique?” Thomas asked.
“Her vibrancy. There was a fire inside of her, something quite incredible. Like me, she was there only as a companion to a friend who was to be matched by Miss Wainwright,” he said.
“I am delighted that you should have found someone who brought you a great deal of joy. Do you think you shall proceed in trying to court her?” Thomas asked, surprised that those words should leave his mouth. He knew better. Officer Kingsley was not the sort of man who sought to court a woman. At least, not for long.
But whatever Officer Kingsley wanted or whatever he decided, it was not up to Thomas. He could choose only for himself. And while he had only moments before chosen not to pursue this second meeting with Lady Sophia, Thomas was already thinking that perhaps that was a mistake and he ought to do something about it after all.
“I think a courtship would be…foolish,” Officer Kingsley finally answered, although Thomas could sense the same denial in his friend that he felt in himself. As if they were both trying to convince themselves to stick to their pride and not let love get the best of them.
But that was far easier said than done. It was far simpler to pretend that they had no feelings and to act as though they had not lost themselves in senseless delusions of romance.
And yet, it had always been Lady Sophia’s sense of the romantic that had drawn him in. She was utterly beautiful in how she believed so deeply that love could conquer all and that there was no reason to have any fear when love was in the question.
Thomas wondered how she felt about that now. Now that she had ruined their chances to be together, now that she had been publicly betrayed by a fool she had loved for over two years.
Was she still foolish enough to believe that love could endure?
“It would seem as though you have very little interest,” Officer Kingsley said, leaning back and taking a bite of his food.
Thomas looked up at him, having no idea what he was referring to.
“Little interest? Interest in what?” he asked.
“In anything that I have to say. I have been talking to you this whole time and you’ve barely moved even in the slightest. Not to listen, not to eat. I scarcely think you have even breathed since your thoughts have wandered,” Officer Kingsley remarked, giving a scolding expression with a raised eyebrow and slightly pursed mouth.
Thomas was embarrassed. His friend had been listening to him go on and on about his own affairs for days. And yet, here they were with the chance to discuss Officer Kingsley, and Thomas had not paid one bit of attention, far more worried about his own situation.
“Forgive me. I was merely thinking that the both of us might benefit from allowing ourselves to believe a little bit more in romance and a little bit less in ourselves. Pride shall be the death of us,” Thomas declared.
“You think so? How? I believe it is my pride that keeps me going, truly. I believe that it is how I view myself in light of it that I am regarded and revered. If it were not for my pride, I do not think the young woman from last evening would have been half so interested in me,” he laughed.
“But would you rather not be known for your goodness?” Thomas asked.
“Perhaps we see things differently. I believe my goodness ought to be seen once someone has truly come to know me. If I try to show them only my goodness from the beginning, if I try to make a name for myself for that, is it not only out of pride and a desire to be praised for it?” Officer Kingsley asked.
Thomas realised that he was right on that account. Thomas wanted to be known as a good man. And what reason did he have for that other than wanting to be seen by society in a positive light? Yes, perhaps that was pride after all.
But he had other reasons to want to be a good man. He wanted to be the sort that truly meant well at all times. There was nothing at all wrong with that.
“You are still debating with yourself. I can see it in your eyes. All of these thoughts, these imaginings about goodness and romance and pride, you are trying to decide if you are going to meet with Lady Sophia again, aren’t you?” Officer Kingsley asked.
Thomas was embarrassed for being so transparent, but he couldn’t deny it. And now that his friend had indulged him this much, he thought that he was better off simply being honest rather than dragging things out even further and trying to wade through it all.
“Yes, I suppose that I am. But I am sorry for not giving more time and attention, more thought, to your own predicament,” Thomas said.
Officer Kingsley laughed.
“I’ve no predicament. Whatever do you mean by that?” he asked.
