Page 37 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
Chapter 15
“No, it was utter nonsense! What on earth has possessed me to agreeing to this? You ought to have stopped me rather than encouraged me,” Thomas yelled, throwing his hands in the air in a sign of defeat.
Officer Kingsley leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes, making Thomas even angrier.
“You are amused by this? Or you find me foolish somehow?” he asked.
“I think you are now trying to blame me for something that you wished for all along. I understand that your feelings towards Lady Sophia are deeply complex, but you also spoke of how dearly you loved her and could not get over her,” he replied.
“Yes, but you know that she broke my heart,” Thomas reiterated.
“Precisely. And the way that I see this, you have two options. The first is that you may finally pursue the love that you had for her all along. The second option that you have is to confront her,” he suggested.
“Confront her?” Thomas asked, thinking it incredulous.
“Yes, of course. She has hurt you a great deal, has she not? Why would you avoid this wonderful chance you have been offered to finally address it? You can tell her what she did and how you felt as a result of it,” he said.
“I could never do that. I’m not the sort of man who easily speaks his mind when I am the wounded party,” Thomas acknowledged.
“Perhaps it is time to change that. Would you rather she has every opportunity to continue to hurt you? Or to wound other men? She treated you shabbily and it sounds to me like you have been afforded an ideal chance to tell her that,” Officer Kingsley remarked.
Thomas considered it for a moment. It sounded utterly ridiculous. But perhaps it was true. Perhaps it was the best chance that he had. Maybe he could finally tell her what it had been like for him to watch her walk away and into the arms of another man.
The absolute shock of seeing Sophia the night before had been tremendous. It was one thing to have learned that she had been abandoned by the Earl of Bastion, but another thing entirely to find her in the dance hall of the same Matchmaker he had just surrendered his future to.
For a brief moment, Thomas had considered it to be a great fortune. He had wondered if life was finally bringing them together.
And then he had shaken himself back to reality. This was a woman he had pursued for so long and she had chosen another. She had left him for the sake of a man with a title and wealth.
So any affections that had once been a part of him, Thomas knew had to be abandoned. And yet, despite knowing that, he had agreed to meet with her again at the behest of an eccentric Matchmaker who claimed a perfect rate of couples.
He could not proceed with this. Thomas tried to make himself believe that was okay. After all, this was his life. Did he want to put himself back in the way of Lady Sophia? Certainly not. So all he had to do was send Miss Wainwright a letter explaining that he was sorry, but he simply was not interested.
She would have to understand. She had given him the choice and he could make a new one.
Bearing these things in mind, Thomas began to feel a little bit more at peace. After all, he would be free if only he made the decision to be. He could get out of this arrangement if he just told himself that it wasn’t worth it and if he reached out to Miss Wainwright to tell her of his decision.
“I believe I have very little other choice than to contact the Matchmaker and tell her that I have changed my mind. I cannot go on seeing Lady Sophia. It is not a matter of needing to confront her about all of the mistakes that were made or about how she wounded me,” he said.
Officer Kingsley looked mildly irritated.
“So what is it about then? I cannot possibly understand why you would give up such an opportunity when you claim that this woman has hurt you so badly,” he replied, incredulously.
“It is the very fact that I cannot allow her to reject me again. Even now, as Miss Wainwright has gone to offer the same second meeting to Lady Sophia, she could be saying no. And I have little desire to spend the rest of my life seeking that woman’s approval. I must move on,” he insisted.
“Well, I do agree with that. You must move on,” Officer Kingsley agreed.
“Yes, and I cannot do that if I am living in the shadow of my affections for her, forced to see her again and confront what I have felt in the past. I care not for any of that. I want to find a balance and I should very much like to tell Miss Wainwright that if she cannot find me a different woman, I no longer require her services,” Thomas decided.
A small part of him wondered what Miss Wainwright had in store for him. When he had asked her if there were no other women she thought he might suit, she had grown quiet, as if not wanting to answer that question.
Through a small hesitation, she simply replied that she desired he give Lady Sophia a second chance before they visit any other options that could be out there.
Yes, he wondered if she had any other possibilities. But Miss Wainwright had seemed first determined to try patching things together between him and Sophia. And it had appeared as though she knew nothing of their history, something which caused him great mystery and wonder.
How had Miss Wainwright chosen, of all people to match, the two who had already been matched once upon a time? How had she chosen to pair up a couple that had proven they did not belong together and had felt such a pained separation as they had?
Perhaps she was not so good at her job after all.
