Page 51 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
It must’ve been extremely difficult for you when I left. As I believed you to be rejecting me, I decided that it was a better option for me to simply depart once more.
My leaving must have been extremely challenging. Particularly after everything that we had been through and the feelings and emotions we had shared. I am certain that you knew my intentions, that you knew how I cared for you. But it was my fault for never having spoken them aloud. It was my fault for not engaging you in a formal courtship.
With that in mind, I must acknowledge to you that I understand you having chosen the Earl. After all, what else could you have done? He was the only option.
With societal pressures and the need for a young woman to marry, there was very little choice that you had in the matter. It was wrong of me to accuse you. It was wrong of me to blame you.
And while I am deeply saddened that he did not appreciate you as he ought to have, a small part of me is glad that it did not progress forward. He proved himself to be unworthy of you, and I am glad that you learned that now.
I also understand and believe that you truly did love me. In all that time I attempted to reject this. But the fact is that I know that a young woman simply cannot reject an Earl. It is not an option she is afforded. Even if she wishes to.
So please understand that all of the things for which I have accused you, I know to be a false and foolish explanation for myself. I was wrong to treat you thus. I also understand and believe that you truly did love me. In all that time I attempted to reject this.
Our time ended long ago. And in the past two and a half years, I have tried to come to terms with this. I have tried to accept that we will no longer have the option of being in a union of matrimony. Although I care for you deeply, I have finally learned that it is simply not to be for us.
Once more I return to my thoughts of our dear friends who have come together in the most unexpected of ways. I do not know much regarding Lady Alcott, but I do know Officer Kingsley. And while he is a good man, he is not the sort to have many intentions to marry now.
And yet, when they look upon one another, it is evident that they were meant to be. They are an ideal match in every way. And one can simply look at the joy on their faces to know this.
When I noted the love that has already begun to blossom between them, I wished for that. I wish for nothing more than to see that look up on your face once again. I wished that I could see you with that level of joy, that level of love.
But I have come to accept that it shall not be directed at me. I have come to learn that I can only hope for you to feel that for someone, someday. And I have learned that I must let go of all dreams that I could be the recipient.
In addition to this letter that I am sending you, I am also writing to Miss Wainwright. I shall be requesting that she not force us together again. And while I will give her no details, as it seems we have both decided this separately, I shall make it very clear to her that we are not to be matched.
Likewise, I wish to commit to you that I shall never disrupt your privacy again. It is my turn to allow you a bit of freedom that we have never been afforded. And I wish you all the best, and all of the happiest of days ahead.
I wish you the sort of love and care that you are deserving of. I have little doubt in my heart that you shall find it. After all, I have never known a woman more deserving.
There is a part of me that shall always love you. No matter what decisions I make, I shall never manage to overcome the piece of my heart that belongs to you. It is for that very reason that I wish you the best. It is for that very reason that I desire your happiness.
As it is, Miss Wainwright has found another match for me. Although I do not know what shall come of it, I understand that it is time for me to proceed elsewhere.
This letter is my farewell to you. It is my final goodbye, telling you that I care for you, but I hope for your happiness, and that you shall never have to worry for me again.
For all the days that have come and gone, I am forever grateful.
Regards,
Thomas Gregory
Sophia‘s heart pounded. With every word of the letter, she had grown more and more vulnerable.
After all this time, after these years of being angry with Thomas and choosing to be furious that he had dared to leave her, she finally understood. Everything was beginning to make sense.
And it warmed her heart to see that.
But the most painful of it all was reading that Thomas had found another love. Sophia could scarcely believe it. After all, Miss Wainwright had put the two of them together. Why would she have done that if she had another option?
Sophia wondered if she would have to accept this. Would she have to learn to live with the knowledge that Thomas had found someone who made him happier than she had?
It was extremely difficult to consider. It was painful to know that he might truly care for this woman more than he cared for her.
And yet, he had so kindly wished her the best. He had told her that it was his love for her that led him to wanting her happiness. Could she not afford him the same benefit? Was she going to remain better or jealous when this was what made him happy?
Sophia now had to acknowledge what she had been denying all along. She still loved Thomas. She loved him more than anything. And she wanted to be with him.
Ashamed that it had taken her this long to confess, Sophia realised that she simply did not deserve him. It was not right to be sad or upset when she had missed every opportunity to share with him how she felt. She missed every chance to make things right. Thomas had been the one to move forward and make amends.
