Page 35 of Breaking Free (Guarded Hearts)
I’m in a hallway that is all white with doors lining both sides. None of them stand out, but I know that one of them is the exit. The first door I open is just an empty room. So is the second, third, and fourth. I’m getting really tired of all these damn doors.
The next one I open is set up like Drew’s dressing room. He and Leslie are on the couch having sex. My hand shoots up to my mouth as I shake my head no. Drew’s eyes meet mine and he smiles. “You just gonna stand there or you want to join us?”
I slam the door closed as tears sting my eyes.
I apprehensively move to the next door. When I open it, there’s nothing there. I breathe a sigh of relief until someone pushes me from behind and I go flying into it. I turn around to see Chris.
My eyes frantically scan the room—no weapons, no windows, and no way out. I want to curl up in a ball and cry in the corner. I want to just let him get me and have this all end. I want…I want this to be over. How can it ever be over, though, when I give him control over me?
I stand up straighter and look him in the eye. As he takes a step toward me, I don’t flinch and I don’t run. I can’t run from him anymore. If I’m ever going to be okay, I can’t run.
“I’m not scared of you anymore.”
He laughs a maniacal laugh before lunging at me. I quickly move out of his way and he goes crashing into the wall.
“I am not going to run from you anymore.”
His face contorts and he screams as he charges at me once more. I easily dodge him and make my way over to the door, turning to him as I open it. “I’m done with you.” I close the door, hoping that I conquered my fear and that maybe this means I conquered him.
When I wake up in the morning, I remember my entire dream. The thing that surprises me is that I didn’t wake up screaming or in a panic.
My door opens and Christen walks in. “You ready to go get pretty, girl?”
I pull the covers over my head and groan. I’m dreading today so much. Granted, I love my brother and Madison, but this is not good for me. The last thing I want right now is to be around all of these couples in love because all it does is make me miss him. Then I hate myself for it because I know I shouldn’t.
Everyone keeps asking me why I care so much. We only knew each other for a few days, but then his mom’s advice keeps ringing in my head. Fuck time. I loved him and he screwed me over. It doesn’t matter if we were a day, a month, or a year into the relationship. I miss him so much that it’s like I can’t fucking breathe sometimes. I need him more than I could have ever imagined needing anybody.
He showed me, though, that when push came to shove he would run. He would run to the first pair of fucking legs that opened for him, and he didn’t give a shit what it did to me. I hate Drew Walker.
I look into the mirror and am amazed that they were able to make me look normal and put together because on the inside I’m everything but that. My hair hangs in long curls framing my face. The dress Madison picked out is a lavender strapless dress that stops just above the floor. She gave us all simple stud earrings and necklaces, and my heels are silver and already starting to hurt my feet.
We are instructed to line up and I can tell she’s nervous. I’m the first to walk down the aisle, and as I do, tears come to my eyes. I see my brother’s face and I can tell that is what love looks like. As I am listening to the ceremony and the vows, all I can wonder is if this will ever be me. Will someone ever love me enough to marry me? My hopes aren’t very high, though, because even if they did love me, I couldn’t tolerate them touching me. No man, no matter how amazing he is, will marry you if he can’t touch you.
I think of Drew and how much hope I had for us.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
I look over to see Carter and Mads and it makes me smile. They kiss and then gleefully turn to their family and friends with their joined hands in the air as the priest says, “I now introduce Mr. and Mrs. James.”
Everyone is cheering and clapping as we make our way down the aisle and get ready for pictures. We stand and smile and pose for what feels like forever. By the end of the shoot, my heels are covered in dirt from sinking into the ground and my hair looks like a hot mess. When the photographer finally utters the heavenly words ‘we’re done’ we all breathe a collective sigh of relief.
The reception is beautiful and the food is amazing. The only horrible part of the whole thing is watching everyone here. The slow dances are the worst. The fact that everyone I love has someone but me hits me hard. I get up, needing to get some air, but a song starts that sounds like it’s live and not from the speakers, and I hear everyone around me gasp.
I turn toward the piano that’s playing and that’s when I see him. Drew. Fucking. Walker. I have half a mind to go up to him and hit him again, but I just recently got my hand back so I decide not to do that. The boys have all just now noticed his presence and they all move toward him. However, they are no match for the girls on their arms restraining them.
What the hell is he doing here?I mean, I invited him, but that was when we were together.Beforehe broke my heart. The piano continues to play and Drew never breaks eye contact with me. He’s dressed in a suit, a lot like the one he wore to the Grammy’s, and the sight of him is still enough to make me weak in the knees. Drew starts to walk toward me until he’s standing right in front of me. When he brings the microphone to his mouth, I gasp.
Once in a lifetime
You find what you’re looking for
But what happens when you’re once in a lifetime
Walks out the door?
You can’t bring her back
She’s gone because of you
