Page 82 of The Estate
Rachel shook her head, “I can’t Mrs. S. This is too much!”
“Nonsense. Consider it my thanks for getting Cal hooked on my oatmeal raisin cookies again. I have a feeling he and I will do a lot of business together. And not for nothing,” she added with a knowing twinkle in her eye. “Cal is good people. His parents are something else, but you won’t find a nicer guy… or a more loyal boyfriend.”
Rachel’s mouth dropped open. What was it about Jennings Township that made gossip and conjecture travel faster than the speed of light? Before she could respond, Mrs. S continued.
“Now you get going,” she shooed her toward the door. “Give my love to Lisa and Lottie. I assume you’re in town to visit them.”
“I am. Thank you so much, Mrs. S,” she paused before adding, “For everything.”
???
The cake delicately riding shotgun beside her, it only took a few minutes to reach Lisa and Lottie’s house. The moment she stepped inside, her shoulders dropped and she took a deep breath for the first time in days. There was something about their home that just made her feel safe. Perhaps it was being surrounded by friends, or all the memories of the great times she’d spent here. Whatever it was, it was a welcome change. It had been a rough week so far.
Lisa and Lottie whisked her into the kitchen, and soon she had a glass of wine in one hand and a plate of cheese and crackers in the other. The girls even showed great restraint by waiting until she’d had a bit of both wine and cheese before asking how she was doing.
With a sip to fortify her, she answered honestly, “I’m not doing great. I mean, I am and I’m not. I’ve been avoiding thinking about the blowout with Cal. It just… it’s too much and overwhelming. Jess and I seem to be okay mostly, but some things she said are kinda haunting my brain.”
“Lisa told me about the conversation you had with Jess,” Lottie said. “But do you mind walking us through it? What did she say that’s still upsetting you?”
As reluctant as she was to rehash the Jess conversation, Rachel knew that was probably the best course of action. Right now, it was festering, so best to talk it out. Decision made, she walked them through the confrontation. She felt slightly better when Lottie hissed at hearing what her sister had said. While Rachel could admit now that Jess had more than a few valid points, that didn’t take the sting out of hearing them.
Wrapping up, she tossed her hands up. “See? Hot mess. Between Jess giving me huge, horribly tasting mounds of truth and the argument with Cal which makes me break out in hives just thinking about it, it’s just too much. Way too much. And I don’t do emotionally ugly, messy situations!”
“Well, that’s weird?” Lisa responded. “’Cause you have a funny way of helping everyone else through theirs.”
“That’s different,” she retorted.
“Is it?” Lottie asked.
“It is,” she insisted, cringing when her voice took on a whiny tone.What was happening to her?
Blowing out a breath, she continued with far less tone. “I love helping people and supporting them, especially when they’re having a tough moment. I can see so clearly what’s going on in their lives. What they need to work on. The potential issues they’re struggling with. But I just can’t get that perspective for myself.
“I know that while both Cal and Jess probably had fair points, I struggle with accepting them. I don’t know exactly what is happening with my own emotional state. And I hate it.”
“It’s really hard to have perspective about yourself,” Lottie said.
“Well, let me help you out with that,” Lisa added with a smile.
Rachel’s stomach flipped. Lisa was never cruel or thoughtless with her comments, but she could be blunt. But maybe that was precisely what she needed. Bracing herself, she toasted Lisa with her wine glass and said, “I’m ready. Or as ready as I’ll ever be. Whatcha got?”
“It’s not that bad. I promise.” Lisa laughed. “And it’s actually things you’ve already mentioned, so no big surprises.
“You’ve said that you view your life in two stages. Before Jess was involved with that monster and your parents were killed, and then after.”
“Well, that is true,” Rachel said. “That period in my life changed everything. It changed who I was and who I wanted to be. That was the long-term effect. Those months after the accident just seemed like an unrelenting nightmare.”
Lottie leaned over and put her hand atop Rachel’s, giving a squeeze. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And alone no less.”
“Thanks Lottie,” she managed to say around the lump in her throat.Again, she did not do ugly, messy emotional situations.At least not for herself.
“Could Jess be right that losing your parents and seeing what your sister went through predisposed you to not trust people? To not want to get too attached for fear of them leaving and having to endure that messy emotional situation again?” Lisa asked.
Rachel felt her friend’s words land on a heart already struggling with hearing it from her sister. Even as she tried to process her feelings, Lisa continued.
“You’ve certainly been fighting your attraction to Cal. Looking for reasons you two shouldn’t be together. Now granted, there are some challenges, but no red flags. You would have found them, because you sure as hell have been looking for them.
“My impression is that you carry significant guilt about what happened with Jess. And she’s right, it’s vital that you really look at that and then let it go. It’s coloring your relationship with her and it’s carrying over to your relationship with Cal.”
