Page 40 of Happily Never After
‘All I’m saying,’ Tess is telling her as we come into earshot, ‘is that sometimes less is more. Look at that sentence there. Read it out loud to me.’
‘“The dewy fragrance of the early-morning air eagerly snaked its way into Donald’s hungrily appreciative nostrils, stimulating his olfactory nerves and causing the synapses in his brain to fire like a fusillade of canons as they conjured up vivid images in his mind’s eye of other dawns breaking when he’d raced across these downs as a youngster, his hair flying in the breeze as boy and horse cantered together in perfect synchronicity.” What’s wrong with that?’
‘Nothing, except you’ve basically taken a four-line sentence to say that Donald breathed deeply, and the scent of the air reminded him of early-morning rides when he was a teenager. It’s a little over-described, don’t you see?’
‘Yes, but this isart, Tess, not the kind of drivel that people like Laura write. I’m appealing to a highbrow audience, who expect more than just humdrum prose with a few bloodstains thrown in.’
OK, so this is awkward. They’re still oblivious to our presence, and part of me contemplates retreating to prevent an embarrassing scene, but I would actually like a cup of tea and there’s no way of getting one without alerting them. In the end I clear my throat, making them both start.
‘How long have you two been standing there, eavesdropping?’ Gina accuses as soon as she regains her composure, evidently deciding that attack is the best form of defence.Quelle surprise.
‘That doesn’t matter,’ I tell her coolly. ‘If you didn’t want to be overheard, you should have found somewhere private for your chat. Finn and I are only after a cup of tea, and then we’ll be out of your way.’
‘I suppose you think you’re better than me, don’t you,’ she continues, evidently spoiling for a fight. ‘I know your little secret, you know.’
‘What secret would that be?’
‘That you’re the supposedly great Larry Spalding.’ My face obviously betrays me as she continues in a triumphant tone. ‘Oh, come on. You didn’t seriously think Lynette was going to keep something like that to herself for long, did you? She’s leakier than a colander, that one. So, what’s someone like you doing here, that’s what I want to know. Come to spend time with the little people, to remind yourself how fabulous you are while you spew out the next instalment in your production line of gore?’
I’m gobsmacked. Not only by her hostility, but the fact that she genuinely seems to believe that’s the way I think.
‘Of course not!’ I exclaim. ‘If I’ve given you that impression then all I can say is that I’m sorry. As far as I’m concerned, we’re both here for the same thing, which is to write something our audience will enjoy.’
She stares at me for a moment in silence. ‘Then why not be honest with us from the start, hm? Why conceal your identity if you didn’t think we’d all be fawning over you if we knew who you really were?’
‘Because I’m not in the habit of broadcasting who I am. Look, Gina. I’m not sure what your problem with me is, or why you seem to have taken so violently against me, but I really am just here to write, the same as you.’
She sniffs. ‘I’ll tell you why I have a problem with you. You lied about who you were. That doesn’t sit well with me.’
‘I didn’t lie, I just?—’
‘Failed to tell the truth,’ she cuts me off. ‘Same thing. Well, if you’re the kind of person who can happily deceive others and sleep at night, then good luck to you. You’ll forgive me if I don’t wish to associate with you though.’
She gets to her feet and starts to stalk towards the garden, before her eyes fall on Finn and she stops in her tracks.
‘And what about you?’ she spits at him. ‘Are you secretly a bestselling author too?’
‘Hey, leave me out of this,’ Finn says, holding up his hands.
‘Why? You’re being just as evasive as Laura here. All that stuff at lunch about “I’d prefer to keep my project under wraps”. I’ll unmask you, be certain of that.’
We all stare after her as she sweeps regally down the path, and an uncomfortable silence descends.
‘Well,’ I say eventually. ‘That was…’
‘Intense,’ Finn offers when I run out of steam.
‘She’s not normally like that,’ Tess says. ‘I think she’s just feeling the heat at the moment.’
‘Oh, really?’ I retort. ‘She’s normally sweetness and light, is she?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far, no. But I think the reality of publishing her book, and other people actually reading it, is making her jittery.’
‘That wasn’t jittery. That was mean.’
‘Yes, fair enough. She wasn’t at her best, that’s for sure. But try to see things from her perspective for a moment.’
I sigh. ‘Which is?’
