Page 41 of Level Up
She laughs lightly. “Okay.”
“That’s weird, right?”
“Pretty sure it’s normal to enjoy them, Audrey.”
“But I don’t,” I say firmly. “I don’t enjoy sex dreams because I don’t enjoy sex. It’s simple.”
“Never?” Victory asks, looking concerned. “Not even alone?”
“Oh my god.” I cover my face again, wishing I could undo this entire conversation.
“Please don’t tell me you’ve never had an orgasm, Audrey?—”
“I literallyjusttold you that I did!” I say through my clenched teeth.
“No, you said—” Her eyes widen when my meaning hits her. “Holy crap, you actuallycamefrom a sex dream?”
I scrunch my eyes shut. “Kill me.”
“Wow, I’m so jealous,” she adds with a laugh.
“It’s not funny.”
“No, it’s awesome.”
“I just don’t know how I can face someone who I just dreamt was—” I pinch my mouth shut; I can’t even say it.
Besides, sex isn’t even like that. At best, it’s mildly unpleasant, if not downright painful. I only ever did with Shawn because I knew he wanted to, and I wanted to be a good girlfriend. I didn’t think it mattered if Ienjoyedit or not—although I was terrible at all of it anyway, as it turned out.
Enjoyingit is a solitary activity, as far as I’m concerned, and not one I particularly want to keep discussing with anyone, not even my best friend.
The dream was entirely a fabrication, anyway. Probably just hodge-podged together from various Hadley fanfics I’ve read over the years. While I mostly read Hadley/Sammy, because I prefer feeling more detached from those scenes, I’ve read a few Hadley/Mona fics and that’s where my brainmust have gotten the idea—because my ex certainly never didthat.
Those types of scenes always seemed unrealistic to me, that people could actuallywantto do these things so much—although it’s not like I’ve neverenjoyedreading any of them. But that is so different fromthis.
From imagining mygaming friend, with his—And my—And we?—
I can’t handle this.
“It’s not like I want to have sex with him in real life!” I blurt out defensively, unprompted, but Victory is no longer looking at me, instead staring past my shoulder. I turn my head slowly until a familiar figure comes into view.
“Hey, Audrey.”
“H-Hi, Marie.”
Mom strong-armsme into joining family dinner tonight, despite it being a Wednesday, now that Marie is (unexpectedly) home. Apparently, she didn’t bother telling any of us that she was coming home for Thanksgiving this weekend—or that she was coming home several days early.
It’s not Saturday, so we have to eat Mom’s cooking tonight, which means Kraft Dinner with a side of boiled broccoli. My bowl of cereal for dinner is sounding more appealing by the minute. The upside is watching Gram trying to eat those slippery little noodles with chopsticks.
“So, Josh is going to see his family this weekend, then?” Mom asks as we’re sitting around the table in awkward silence.
“Yeah,” Marie says, stirring her fork through her macaroni with disinterest. “And I figure since my work is all remote now, I might as well come home a few days early. Spend more time with you guys.”
I offer her a polite smile when she looks at me, but it’s clear that she’d rather not be here either.
“Tell Josh we miss him,” Gram says after a macaroni slips between her chopsticks and lands on top of her broccoli. “He fills out a t-shirt nicely.”
“Grandma!” Marie says indignantly. As if this is in any way surprising behaviour.
