Page 58 of Learn Your Limits
Avalon’s words fill my mind as I stare at Milo’s message. She’s right. Words aren’t enough, because while I may have said I loved him, my actions said otherwise.
Being alone in my apartment isn’t how I wanted to spend the holiday, but it’s exactly what I end up doing. Wes is gone visiting his parents, which leaves me plenty of time to sit around and try to figure out what I’m going to say to my parents when I see them this evening. I refuse to let today slip by without confronting my father and setting the record straight.
I’ve gone through dozens of pieces of paper, trying to get my thoughts in order and written out, but focusing is a challenge when I can’t seem to stop checking my phone to see if Milo has texted again.
He hasn’t.
Not that I expect him to. I know I hurt him and need to give him time to process like Avalon said, but the rejection still stings.
Yeah, but you rejected him first when you couldn’t even call him your boyfriend.
The sun is just beginning its descent over the horizon, casting the sky in vibrant shades of orange, pink, and purple when I finally make it to my parents’ place. The nausea churning in my stomach has only grown worse over the course of the day, but I’m determined to see this through. The conversation is going to be tough, but if I want Milo in my life, it has to happen.
I’m hoping my mom will at least be on my side. I’m almost positive she knows that something is going on between Milo and I. At the gala, he had said they were bonding over my dancing skills.
Does that mean my mom saw us together?
The house I grew up in looks like it was pulled directly from a holiday movie, but nothing about it feels like home. The estate is decorated in endless strands of warm white lights with a small Christmas tree framing either side of the front door. Through the window, I can see the large tree giving the place a false sense of warmth and comfort. I would be willing to bet that my mother paid someone to handle the decorating for her.
She appears in the doorway as I’m slamming my car door shut, a tight smile across her face. My mom's voice is filled with relief as she says, “I wasn’t sure we'd be seeing you today.”
“I hadn’t planned on coming,” I tell her honestly. “But I need to talk to you and dad.” Maybe I should have called first,but I didn't want to give myself a chance to change my mind. Christmas is the only holiday that has never included business meetings in the Callahan household. I wouldn't go so far as to say I consider it a family holiday, but it's at least always been a day that was never spent trying to make a good impression.
Reaching for me, she grabs my hand and gives it a slight squeeze. “I'll let him know you're here and that it's important. But first, is everything all right?” The concern in her voice tightens my chest, and I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my racing heart.
“No.” I heave a sigh as my limbs begin to tremble. Before Milo, I never would have imagined having this conversation with my parents. Even though I was aware of my sexuality, it’s not something I thought I would get the chance to explore.
I didn’t think I would ever get the chance to fall in love.
But now that I have, I can’t imagine living the life they want for me. Irefuseto live that life.
By the time the three of us are sitting together in the formal living room, my mind is racing with everything I want to say. I’m not so sure sitting is the best idea right now. My father has never been violent, but what if he decides that today is the day he uses his fists instead of his words? I’m just as tall as him and more muscular. I think I could take him.
I don’t know where to begin, but I do know that the longer I sit here with my father’s eyes burning into me, the harder this will be. Taking a deep breath, I straighten my shoulders to brace for whatever impact may come and mutter, “I’m in love with Emiliano.”
My mother gasps and moves a hand to cover her mouth. Her eyes are filled with love, not the shock or disapproval I was bracing for. My father’s reaction is the one I’ve been afraid of. Based on the way his brows are pinched tightly together and hismouth is pressed into a thin line as he stares at me, I was right to feel that way.
“I knew there was something going on between the two of you last night. I’ve never seen you look as happy as you did when the two of you were dancing.” My mother beams.
“We’re together,” I confirm. Getting the words out isn’t as hard as I imagined. The genuine happiness radiating off of her is giving me the courage to push through, despite the way my father seems to be frozen in silence. “And… I won’t be joining the company. When I graduate at the end of next semester, it’ll be with a degree in sociology, not business.”
“No,” he says, his voice cold and hard like the stone he’s made of. “None of that is happening.”
There's an electrical current running beneath my skin as I say, “I'm twenty-three years old. You don't get a say in this.”
His hands clench into fists as he stands, his body advancing toward me as he aims a pointed finger at my chest. “I don't give a fuck how old you are. I haven't paid for your tuition and your expenses just for you to throw it all away on a useless degree while you sleep around with your professor.”
Of course, all he cares about is how this may impact him. He doesn't care about how I feel, what I want, or how special Milo is to me.
“You don’t know anything about my relationship with him.” Quickly rising from the chair, I stand to meet my father before he can corner me in my seat. “And the only thing I'd be throwing away is a dream that was never mine to begin with. It was always just yours. My dream is a life with Milo.”
He scoffs, stopping his advance. “You're courting Avalon Castillo. You can't seriously be telling me that you're choosingthat manover her.”
“That manmeans everything to me.” I want to tell him that Avalon and I were never dating. That it was all a lie constructedto please him, but I don't want to intentionally make anything worse for her by admitting that truth.
“I won't allow this. Your duty is to this family and the company. Your future has already been planned.”
From the corner of my eye, I can see my mother wince at my father’s words, but I can’t keep my attention on her. Taking a deep breath, I steady my body for what I’m about to say, knowing it will hurt her more than it will ever hurt him. I’ve made this decision for the life I want, and if they can’t support my happiness, they won’t be part of it.
