Page 85 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“It’s me.Everything feels tight or scratchy, or it doesn’t lay right.I think I need new stays.I went through eight gowns, all of them just wrong for no real reason except that I didn’t feel good in them.”She shot me a glance.“And don’t tell me that I’m fortunate to have eight gowns to try on.I know I am.And that’s the problem.All these beautiful things, and I don’t look or feel beautiful in them.”
I didn’t think Alaina expected me to compliment her.It was the right cue for any interaction between a lady and a gentleman, but so many things would never have happened between us if she had been just any lady and I still a gentleman.And however cutting our teasing could be, I would not do anything to worsen her anxieties.
“I suppose, for a human, you look beautiful,” I said, maintaining an air of study.“Some plumage and respectable wings, maybe I might actually think you so.”
“Alas.”She smiled, dropping her hands that worried at her ribbons.“We cannot all be firebirds like you, with spectacular plumage given to us naturally.”
I would never have called my plumage natural, but I couldn’t say that to her.
“What is it you do not like?”I gestured with a hand that she should turn around and let me see her from all sides.
“I don’t know.”She twirled obediently.“I feel too fussy and ruffled most of the time.Right now, I think I feel...underdressed?This gown hardly has any ornamentation compared to the others, but it’s the only one I didn’t want to tear off the moment I put it on.And is it the wrong color?”
The blue was darker than it probably should have been for her complexion, but the creamy trims kept it from being unstylish.She wore small jewelry and nothing in her hair.I understood her reasoning for feeling underdressed.No doubt every other lady would attend the event dripping in jewels.
I couldn’t offer her jewels or dresses or anything that I might once have been able to provide, but I should have been able to help somehow, even with just moral support.Maybe something for her hair?
“It’s a matter of plumage, as I said,” I decided at last.“You need more.”
“That is remarkably unhelpful.What do you propose I do, sprout feathers?”
“I have enough for both of us.I have been struggling to find a way to repay you for the gift of the robe.”
“You don’t need to repay me for that.That was freely given.”
“And so too will this be.”I stretched out a wing.“Take one of the golden feathers for your hair.”
“Won’t that hurt you?”
“I am allowed to make my own sacrifices.Please.I want you to have it.”
“If you’re sure.”She approached, watching me all the while as if I might change my mind.Her choice, designed to deliver the least amount of pain, was not of sufficient size for what I envisioned.
“Alaina, a little tuft isn’t going to do it.One of the larger ones.”
“I can’t.”She dropped her hands and looked at me, an admonishment resting in the furrow of her brows.“I won’t.I saw how losing feathers hurt you.I won’t be one of those who prefer a feather over your wellbeing.”
“You’re making this difficult.”
“And you’re making this impossible.Thank you.No.”
I stared her down for a long moment.Her refusal to back down decided me.I reached to my wing, found the longest red-gold feather, and yanked it out.The pain that shot through my back rivaled the initial agony of getting wings at all, and the spot doubtless bled a little, but there it was in my hand.Alaina’s feather.
I presented it to her.
“The final ornament for your hair.”
“Kaylay, I can’t.That hurt you.”
“So, ensure my hurt was not endured in vain and take it.Please.”
She stared at the feather I held between us and finally relented.She took it and twirled it around.Then she brushed it against her cheek, her eyes distant, a sweet, thoughtful look on her face.When she remembered I was still present, she stopped twirling it.
“I will treasure it always,” she assured me.
“I expect you to.”I took her by the shoulders and physically redirected her towards her bedroom door.“Now, go pin it in your hair with a brooch.After, you can help me with my robe.”
She stopped and looked at me over her shoulder.“Your robe?”
