Page 65 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“The physicians called it ‘women’s complaints’ and told her to rest.”
“It is nothing more serious?”The princess lived too long at court to make the mistake of expressing hope that harm might befall the tsarina even in front of me, but disappointment saturated her question.
“She demonstrated a great deal of pain, more than one might consider for their assessment, but I am no physician.”Her face mirrored my hope.“You share my thoughts.You might have a chance at freedom.If.”
“My freedom?You’re the one that’s chained.”
“You’re a spoiled, pampered princess,” I said.“Of course, I want to be rid of you.”
“How silly of me to forget.Still, my lot is not as dire as yours.”
“You said that you pay attention when I’m with her.I pay attention too.And you wear a collar just like mine, only no one can see it.”
She blinked, likely never having thought of her title or position in such a way, even if she had recognized the confinement of them.
“How do you bear it?”she asked.
“What choice have I?”
“You could always kill yourself if it got unbearable.”
“I tried.I tried twice,” I snapped.“Things only got worse.”
“How could it get worse?”
“Did you never wonder why she bound my arms?”I held them out in front of me, the wide leather bands still dangling their ties.“And the anklets?Have you not noticed that they keep me far enough away from the wall to discourage another crude attempt?If you choose to bring me a knife or a pistol, I am sure I would have greater success.”
“That explains why your caretaker didn’t want to add anything to your enclosure.”She reached out and touched my forearm, just with the tips of her fingers, light and questioning, but she had not hesitated in the gesture.“If it means anything, I am very glad that you’re still here.”
“Who else of such wit and engagement would you find to torment with your company?”
“Precisely.”She dropped her hand and moved out from under the shelter.“Do your tethers allow you this far?”
It was only a few paces, but I hadn’t tried it.I hadn’t tried many things, resigned to the life designed for me.That warmed me with an unexpected dose of shame.How pathetic I had become!
“You can see all the stars tonight,” she said, as she sat on the ground and pulled her thin cloak around her.
“Any falling ones?I have so many wishes to make.”
“Come join me,” she patted the ground beside her, “and see for yourself.”
“Is that a command, princess?”
“Do I need to make it one?”
I shuffled towards her and, gratified that my tethers did indeed let me go so far, took the offered seat.
“If it had been, I would have refused to obey.”
“You contrary thing,” she said, a smile spreading across her face.
I did not sit so very near but close enough, gazing up at the ever-optimistic stars that twinkled heedless to the suffering of the admirers below.I wrapped my arms around my body, my wings pulled tight against my back, and shivered.It could have been from cold because, as I had told the tsarina just that morning, I was cold almost all the time now.But this time, it wasn’t.It was a mixture of grief and despair and hopelessness that crept into my spine and shook me like a child’s toy.My view of the stars, however clear the sky, would always be framed by black feathers and a beak.I pressed the tips of my talons into my ribs.I scooted up so that my tail feathers splayed out against the ground behind me.I breathed deeply the scent of some distant fire.
In.Out.In.Out.
Alaina shivered too.
“You need to start wearing heavier cloaks,” I scolded her.“How long have you been in Ilyichia?Even visiting foreigners are better prepared for the weather than you.”
