Page 64 of The Tsarina's Favorite
XXI.
“Do I at least get ablanket?”
“That’s what feathers are for,” she said.
I hated being cold, and I hated Ilyichia for being cold all year long.But not being provided any accommodation for the creeping chill of the seasons struck me as a type of torture beyond any she had yet inflicted.
“Feathers only do so much,” I argued.“Am I to lose fingers and toes because you refuse to provide?You’re not giving me the option to provide for myself.”
“You are a nightmare this morning.”
“The chain is cold.The collar is metal and cold.The tile you make me lie on while you warm yourself upon me is cold.”I gestured to her poor accommodations.“You want your amusements, very well.But if you’re going to send me back outside with nothing, I’m going to complain about it.”
“You’ll be brought inside before too much longer.”
“But that’s not now.I’m coldnow.”
“What is with you?”She pressed her fingers to a spot on her bodice and held it.“Mikhail the Jester wasn’t like this.”
“Mikhail the Jester was never cold like this,” I snapped.“Mikhail the Jester, despite having the worst clothing in the world, still had clothing.Mikhail the Jester lived inside.Mikhail the Jester had a basket, so he didn’t have to sit directly on a cold tile floor!”
“I will figure something out,” she said as she sat in the nearest chair.
I didn’t think she noticed how much weight I had lost.Or if she did, she didn’t care.The cold seeped into my bones now.And where it had once just been uncomfortable, now it flayed me alive.
“My dear,” she said, gesturing to the chamber pot, her hand splayed flat on the front right side of her torso.
I ignored her and gathered the blankets off her bed.I settled the blankets on the floor, layering them to provide a barrier against the tile, and curled up.I didn’t stir when the tsarina heaved.What could she expect me to do while I was chained?
I only bothered giving her another glance after the sixth or seventh time, since I could get no rest while she was loudly being ill.She clutched her body.Tears leaked from her eyes.No sympathy welled up inside me.She had watched me sicken after my transformation, and she had enjoyed it.I wasn’t perverse enough to find pleasure, but I did not extend myself to think of anything but what her complaint might hold for my future.It was the first moment throughout this ordeal where I realized my suffering might not be eternal.What if she died?It was hard to imagine that any successor would treat me worse.No one would want me for the same purposes.Maybe Alaina could go home too.
Eventually, servants, held longer in wait than usual and concerned about the change in routine, found her.The peaceful room devolved into chaos.Between cleaning crews for the floor and the furnishings and personal servants tasked with cleaning up the tsarina, dozens of people invaded a room normally reserved for less than a handful.
Between preoccupation with the tsarina’s condition and the ten other things that had now become priority to get her back in her bedroom and comfortable, I was forgotten.At least until the servants remade her bed and found new blankets, since no one wanted to come near enough to me to take the ones I had stolen.
The tsarina, cleaned up and accompanied by a flurry of useless hovering helpers, returned to her remade bed and was brought every kind of comfort another hovering group following closely behind could imagine: pitchers of juice, comfits, jellies, flavored ices, and more.A pair of servants followed them, bringing the receiving room samovar into the bedroom so that tea might be ready at any moment.The physicians followed them and waved away most of the delicacies and concerned nobles alike.
The physicians hummed and muttered and asked delicate questions.They conferred and broke off into smaller groups to consult each other and keep their voices low.And then one of them nearly stumbled over me, and I was ordered out.By the time the guard came, the physicians had already vacated the bedroom, and the sun had retired early in accordance with the season.I therefore stumbled through the dark, disallowed to take any of the blankets with me, and returned to my enclosure to face another night puffing up my feathers and burrowing into the fetid straw.
A steak, cooked properly, awaited me, although the steam had long since disappeared, and I was still obliged to eat it with my hands.I could thank Alaina for the positive change in my diet, even if I couldn’t have her ask that knife, fork, and napkin be left out for me too.I drank from the pail and shivered, the water so cold that I marveled at it not being ice yet.
I withdrew when light came around the copse of trees that kept the enclosure private.With the tsarina taken ill and the caretaker having already set out food and water for me, I did not expect any other visitors.I retreated as far into the shelter as I could, blending in with the darkest shadows just in case it was another half-drunk guard out to take revenge on some perceived slight or serve abuse that would not be tolerated toward any other creature.
“Mikalay?”
Alaina held the lantern aloft, the soft glow illuminating her face and shining off strands of her dark hair.The dramatic lighting painted her like the Varnasian masters, muted tones and stark contrasts washing her with mysterious contours and a refined beauty that could not be seen in any harsher light.
I stepped out from the shadows, relieved, almost delighted to see her after the expectation of a night spent dwelling on discomforts and dreaming of kinder, warmer days that I would never have again.Even my name, my Varnasian name, on her lips inspired a small ember of joy somewhere deep within me.I would never know the pleasure and peace of Varnasia again in my lifetime, but for a moment, I could be recalled to a place where fear did not live long, and there was love above all else.
“Here, princess.”
She flashed a smile that outshone the lantern.And it was for me.Who was daft enough to smile like that for me?
“I came by earlier, but you weren’t here.”She set the lantern down on the bench.“And with everything going on with the tsarina, I didn’t know if you....”She stopped as if not quite certain where she was heading with that thought.She approached the shelter.“If you weren’t here this time, I was going to go to her apartments and get you.”
“I was there most of the day.”
“How is she?”
