Page 95 of The Tsarina's Favorite
XXVIII.
She locked the doorswhen the last maid left the room.She leaned back on them as if it might not be enough.
“Kaylay, they know.”
In my situation, there were a lot of things that a lot of people knew.That unidentified woman knew I was Mikhail.The caretaker and Drook knew, although I had never proven their theories correct, that I spoke.The tsarina, to whom I owed my situation, knew almost everything about it.
“Who are we talking about and what do they think they know?”
Alaina came away from the doors, glancing over her shoulder at them as if the tsarina might walk in and make an official accusation.She passed her chair by the hearth and instead took a seat on a cushion beside mine.She took my nearest hand and spoke to it instead of me.
“While at the countess’ salon today, one of the ladies brought up how resourceful I’ve been in making you my lover.”
I was unsurprised.Alaina, too, had to know that was coming.With feathers on her blankets, she could not avoid such talk.
“Of course, the others joined in.And the accusation came partnered with the usual insults,” she continued, “about ugly Altanians and no one wanting me.And how the only creature I could persuade to have me would be one who couldn’t say no.”
“They describe the tsarina, not you.”
“It matters not who they describe.The tsarina will hear about it.”
“What did you say when they made this accusation?”
“I laughed.They said it as a tease, of course, so that they could always say it was never truly meant if the tsarina’s ire should extend to them too for repeating such indecency.But I told them what perverted minds they had since it had never crossed mine to look at you in such a way.”
“Good.”I squeezed her hand.“That was the correct answer.”
“Was it?”She gazed up into my face.“Truly?I hate having to malign or diminish you to others.I feel like such a false friend.”
“Here, it is survival.Now, if we were in Altania, where you have the authority to raise me up or strike me down with a word, and you spoke of me with disparagement, I might then feel betrayed.Do not fret on my account here.”
“I cannot help it.”
“I have been doing my part while you’ve been gone,” I assured her.“I have made certain that the maids have found me sleeping on your bed.There are reasons for feathers on your blankets besides whatever salacious accusation sounds the most titillating at the time.”
“I just want to go home to Altania,” she said.“We would be safe there.”
“I probably shouldn’t sleep with you anymore.”
That pulled her from her consideration of Altania.
“Kaylay, no.Please.”
“I did not realize how the gossip might affect you.”Of course, she’d be horrified.A friend who was a monstrous bird was bad enough, suggestive of her desperation for any connection.But suggesting that same monstrous bird served other functions?Utterly insupportable.“You should not be subject to the rumors that have occurred because of the tsarina.Just because she has unique proclivities does not mean you share in them.”
“I hate lying,” she said, turning her face away from me.
“It’s survi—”
“Yes, I know.But lying to you isn’t survival.”
“Oh.”I waited, but when she did not say anything else, I pried.“What have you lied to me about?”
“About not thinking of you like that.You told me you were not immune to wanting.”Her voice lowered to the barest whisper.“Neither am I.But I don’t want to be her.”
“You share her unique proclivities?”
