Page 94 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“You had the right of it when you described my marriage to Pytor.I have not known one content moment in my bed since my arrival in Ilyichia.But I have known affection, and that has all been from you.”
“Then,” I said with great reluctance, “as a pet.At the foot of your bed.”
“Beside me.Princess Alaina commands it.”
“Then I most certainly refuse.”
“You will not join me when I command it on principle.And you will not join me when I ask it as your friend.What must I do?”She raised the backs of my hands to her mouth and kissed my knuckles.“From one lonely person who wants to be held and cuddled, who wants to feel safe and valued, to the only person she cares about in this entire country — please, Kaylay.Lie beside me.Ease my nights?Let me ease yours?Please.”
If I hadn’t been a monstrosity, the warmth of her tone might have suggested that we become lovers too.For a man, the invite was there.But for her strange friend with wings, it was a far more intriguing proposition — an offer of softness.
“Yes,” I whispered.
She climbed backwards onto the bed as she led me, releasing my hands only to draw back the blankets and tuck herself between them.She found my hand again and held it until I lied down beside her.She fit herself against me, placing her head on my shoulder, throwing her arm over my chest.She took one deep breath and then let it out, and with it, all tension and space between us as she relaxed into me.
I longed to enjoy the connection and the care, but all I could imagine was the tsarina bursting through the apartment doors on some pretext and finding us together, limbs entwined, Alaina’s face tucked against me, compromised in our closeness.
I wrapped my arms around her on instinct, as if I could protect her.
“This is dangerous, Alaina,” I whispered to her in the dark.
“Why?”
“Because the tsarina does not share.”I stroked her back absently through the shift.“I do not have much to lose, but you do.”
Alaina buried her face in my chest and mumbled something that I interpreted as “I don’t care.”
I wanted to tell her, “Remember, there was a prince who had everything taken from him because he told her ‘no.’”But I couldn’t because I wasn’t supposed to know about that.
“You will need to do something about the sheets since I shed feathers,” I said instead.“And we should probably lock the doors.If she should find us—”
“Kaylay, shhhh.She’s never been in my apartments.”
I wanted to argue, but I did not want to think of the tsarina.I did not want all the fear and worry and doubt she inflicted on both of us to ruin our time together.Instead, I referred to our earlier conversation.
“Recall the folklore.Stories are cautionary.If I visit each night and share your bed, a jealous person is bound to harm me.And then you might have to marry me to fix it.”
“Mmm,” she said, a smile built into the sound.“I could do worse.”She stretched up and kissed the underside of my chin before returning to her place on my shoulder.“I could do so much worse.”
