Page 87 of Between Desire and Denial
“I think you’re trying to protect that pretty heart of yours by not committing.” He finally pulled away and studied how I reacted.
What could I say? I’d been burned before. “Let’s keep it casual right now. Give me time to see, please?”
“Casual?”
“Yeah. See if you want someone else when you’re flying around. See if we miss each other. See how we do.” The words almost tasted like acid coming out of my mouth, but it was for the best.
“I could answer all those questions now,” he said. He combed a hand through his hair and relented. “I’ll try, Honeybee. For you.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
OLIVE
I threwmyself into every task I needed to accomplish while Dimitri was gone. I called my doctor to request a different birth control. I walked every day and bothered my brother. He’d turned over a new leaf after the grill out, it seemed, and would play H-O-R-S-E with me every morning now. Then, I would go home and rewrite the article and then my thesis, day and night. I went to the spa to talk with Madi about doing hair and I knew the drill by the end of that day. I worked myself to the bone so much so that I didn’t even have time to miss him at all.
I didn’t miss him lying next to me in the bed, didn’t miss his snuggling, didn’t miss his scent, didn’t miss his outrageous mouth. Didn’t miss one thing about him.
And every time he called, I made that clear by not picking up. Every time he texted, I responded with one-word answers.
Instead, I practiced my calligraphy and didn’t even jump when the phone rang. I’d stare at my mother’s journals and look at her own calligraphy pen that she’d handed down to me. I didn’t know why there was so much she didn’t share with me, but I knew I wanted to learn. I knew I belonged here, learning all I could about her.
I slid the necklace on, the weight of her memory didn’t feel as painful. It was a part of me, it was a tool, it was something that would propel my future now. I touched the gold of it and smiled to myself, thankful that Dimitri had helped me understand that, that I’d been able to finally feel it.
Then, I went out about my day, trying not to dwell on everything else that man had said to me. He was insightful no doubt but I hated how he pointed out the things I didn’t want to face.
Iwastrying to protect my heart from more trauma. I didn’t want to fall in love with him and lose him. I’d endured it once and didn’t know if I could again.
Maybe my plan of avoidance would have worked had I not gotten a call from Zen. She informed me that on her days off from the library, she also worked at the spa, and that I already had a client. She needed me to come fill in halfway through the week because Madi wasn’t able to make it.
I pulled my curls back and threw on a black maxi dress that I could move easily in. Then, I speed walked to the salon, trying to avoid seeing anyone from the grill out a few days ago.
I didn’t need to run into Lucille or Jameson just yet, not when they were concerned about what I’d heard. But of course, when I walked in, not another customer was in the spa other than Lucille.
The quiet symphony music played in the background and Zen waved me in, while Lucille lifted the tiny sky-blue teacup in her manicured nails as a welcome. “Come in, darling. We have a few things to discuss.”
I hadn’t stepped over the threshold onto the marble tile quite yet, but Zen yanked me forward and slammed the door behind me, locking it.
The clinking of the china on the paper-thin saucer as Lucille set it down was distinct with no other chatter in the salon. “So happy to hear you’re available today, Olive Bee. I need a trim.”
I glanced at Zen and placed a hand on my hip. “Really?”
Zen winced and wrinkled her nose before starting to straighten some of the plants on the white granite countertop. “Esme might have disclosed to Lucille that you know a little something about the library stacks.”
“Might have?”
“Come on now, dear.” Lucille fluffed her blonde curls, not one gray hair to be seen even though I knew she was well past seventy. The woman was particular about some things, especially when those things were in Paradise Grove, threatening her harmony.
I played with the gold fountain pen on the necklace as I stood there, not sure how to proceed. “I don’t know that much, Lucille,” I admitted.
Lucille’s gaze zeroed in on the necklace, and she gasped, Then, she pointed to it before curling the finger toward her, beckoning for me to come closer. “Is that your mother’s? Are you… You’re finally wearing her fountain pen.”
Her voice shook in disbelief, and then her blue eyes shimmered with tears. One of them tracked down her face slowly. When her hand clutched her heart, I didn’t hesitate.
I approached her fast, bending at the knee to meet her gaze and grab her frail fingers into mine. “Lucille? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” It didn’t matter if we were keeping secrets from one another, it didn’t matter what I’d heard the other night or what would happen in the future, I cared for the older woman beyond all that.
“It’s nothing.” She waved her other hand in front of her face. Then she pulled at the small chain of the necklace atmy collarbone and held it up as if I should understand. “Your mother just… she wanted this, you know?”
“I don’t understand,” I whispered and looked at Zen with concern. “Can you get her some water?”
