Page 8 of Wrecked
“Els, are you working at the hospital tonight? We have reservations at that new Italian restaurant if you want to come.” Her invite is forced, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. She’s trying to put a puzzle together, one that’s missing several pieces.
“Oh, um…we had a few call-offs, so I picked up a shift. Have a good time, though. I heard it’s amazing!” I say a little too enthusiastically. Apparently, I’m a shit liar too.
“Okay, well I’m going to get showered and ready to go,” she rises on her toes to kiss Nate’s cheek, “be ready in an hour, babe.” She looks between us, her brows furrowed like she’s deep in thought, her apprehension over leaving us alone nearly palpable. After a few awkward seconds, she leaves us standing between the loungers as she makes her way inside the house. I look down, suddenly interested in my feet, wondering if this is some sort of test I won’t pass. Several seconds of uncomfortable silence fill the air until I finally can’t take it anymore.
“You can’t,” I mumble, still looking down. I’m afraid to look him in the eyes, terrified of what I’ll see.
“Can’t what?” he says, cupping my chin and guiding my face up until our eyes connect. The longing in his gaze steals my breath, but his touch…his touch feels like a thousand suns setting my soul on fire.
“You can’t ever finish that sentence.” I throw my shoulders back, faking as much bravado as I can while trying to sell my stance. I can’t let him see through my lie. I can’t let him recognize that all I really want is to hear the rest of that sentence. Those words would only hurt my sister. They won’t grant him absolution. They won’t facilitate forgiveness, relieving me of years of torment. They would only cause more sorrow.
He nods several times like he is considering my demand but ends the motion with a sharp shake of his head. His eyes harden, his mind traveling elsewhere. I can sense anger drifting off of him as if his feelings are becoming my own. I don’t know where this shift is coming from, but I know his dark mood isn’t directed at me.
“Okay, Pip… I won’t finish that sentence. Not until we talk and you know the truth abouteverything. About what happened in high school, with your sister, and why, when I was finally free to saythose wordsto you, Istillcouldn’t,” he growls, clearly thinking back on the events that shaped our relationship.
“Maybe I don’t want to know why,” I lie.
He closes the distance between us and bends down to whisper close to my ear. “That’s too damn bad, because you’re going to listen.” His breath tickles my neck, causing goosebumps to rise from my flesh. His eyes capture my involuntary reaction, making him smirk like the cocky asshole he is, before reclaiming his full height. He walks away from me without another word, moving toward the patio door with a lot more confidence than he deserves.
“You’re marrying mysister,” I say, desperately echoing the statement I made earlier.
He looks over his shoulder, and I briefly recognize the face of the man I knew eight years ago. The man behind the mask, whom I loved with every single piece of my heart. He turns back to the entrance and walks into the house, catching the door before it slams shut behind him. He doesn’t turn around, but he doesn’t need to. His voice carries over to me easily all on its own.
“We’re going to get that dress, Ellie. But I can’t walk down that goddamn aisle.”
CHAPTER 4
NATE (PRESENT)
“Ican’t walk down that goddamn aisle.”
I let the door slam shut behind me and flinch at the resounding thud. It echoes around my fiancée’s home like an exclamation mark, punctuating the damning words I just said. Words Ishouldn’thave said.
Words Katie doesn’t deserve.
I bring my hand up to my chest as I take a deep, calming breath. My heart aches with the thought of hurting her, even though I know it is unavoidable.
What thefuckwas I thinking?
Iwasn’tthinking. That’s the answer. Anytime I’m within a five-mile radius of Ellie, my mind becomes a chaotic whirlpool of emotions, compelling me to make reckless decisions no matter the cost.
Decisions that hurt the people I care about.
The funny thing is, I’ve spent eight years playing at being some kind of vigilante hero…only to become the villain in the end. I have to do this the right way if I have a prayer in hell of fixing everything I’ve broken. It’s the only chance I have at spending the rest of my life with the woman I love.
I have a plan, a path forward. One I’ve been walking down for the last eight years. If I don’t quiet the noise in my head, I’m going to fuck everything up before I even make it to the final play. But the weight of my deception is crushing me, making it harder to get through each day without confronting the mess I’ve made.
I got the news today. Everything is in place. I can finally live the life I’ve always wanted…with the woman I never let go of. Just like that, everything I’ve done, everything I had to lose, is worth it. The only thing left for me to do is tell the truth.
I owe that truth to Ellie above anyone else. If I talk to Katie first, she will shut me out. I won’t get the chance to talk to Ellie, and Ineedher to go on this trip with me. I need to get her somewhere she has no choice but to listen. Somewhere her loyalty to Katie won’t get in the middle of the things she needs to hear.
Katie.
God, she doesn’t deserve any of this bullshit. She’s a fly caught in a web of lies, and the man she loves is the goddamn spider. She deserves every bit of the world, but I can’t even give her a sliver of my fucking heart.
A throat clears from the corner of the kitchen, pulling me out of my thoughts. I freeze at the unexpected interruption. I hadn’t made it past the patio door before the guilt of my confession slammed into me, so I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. I turn my head toward the kitchen table and see Katie sitting there with a cup of coffee, her eyes plagued with the questions she doesn’t know how to ask. The same questions she’s had since we moved back to our hometown six months ago. She lifts her gaze to mine, and I can practically see those baby blues begging for a truth I won’t give her. Not yet.
I can’t imagine what this must look like to her. A silent exchange happening right in front of her that perhaps wasn’t as silent as we thought. I’m not stupid. I know my eyes betray myfeelings every time I look at Ellie. And I know it’s becoming impossible for Katie to ignore.
