Page 9 of Wrecked
Christ.
Did she hear what I said? Is she going to call off our wedding? Fuck. I just need her to play along a little longer. I need her to act like we are fine, like she’s not the least bit concerned about spending her life with a man who hardly even touches her. A man who stares at her sister like he’s stranded in a desert and she’s his oasis.
I won’t lie to her if she asks for the truth, but it’s not a truth I’m ready to share. I don’t think it’s a truth she’s ready to hear. Telling her now would fuck it all up, every sacrifice I had to make, every lie I had to tell. It would all be for nothing. But I’d give it to her if she asked. It’s the very least she deserves.
“Hey, honey,” I say, almost as a question. “Thought you were headed inside to shower?”
“You don’t have a nickname for me.” Her quiet words are laced with a deep sadness I’ve never heard from her before. Her mask is slipping, the one she wears to hide from her past. The one I only recently learned she’s been wearing since the day we met.
“I call you honey,” I counter, unsure what else to offer. We both know she is referring to my nickname for Ellie, not some cliché pet name.
Her smile is tight. “Yeah. I’m going to go get cleaned up.” She turns away without another word, her shoulders stiff as she walks down the hallway. I stare after her, wishing I could comfort her. Wishing I could hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. And I do love her, just not the way she needs me to. When she looks at me, she sees her future. When I look at her, I see a necessary bump in the road.
Jesus Christ. I’m a fucking asshole.
It’s not true, though. She’s so much more than just a bump inthe road. She’s been the reason for all of my smiles over the last two agonizing years. She’s my standing horror movie date. She’s my Saturday nights in. She’s the reason for the laughs that are drawn deep from my chest. She’s the hand that I hold. The lips I kiss. The body I cuddle.
But she’s not Ellie.
I grab my phone off the counter and walk upstairs to the spare bedroom with the attached balcony. I step out into the sun, momentarily blinded as I try and find the contact I’m looking for. I only routinely call three numbers, so hers isn’t hard to find. The phone rings twice before she answers.
“It’s been exactly thirty-six minutes since the last time you called me to check in. It’s like you don’t even care anymore.” Her sarcastic reply makes me laugh. As annoyed as she sounds, I know she looks forward to my calls.
“You’re recovering, Ems. Just let me worry about you.” I slide the balcony door a quarter of the way closed, leaving a little gap so I can listen for Katie.
“I recovered six months ago,” she deadpans, “butthank you for not ghosting me like your best friend.”
“Ash didn’t ghost you, Ems. He’s been out of the country for the last six months.”
“I know,” she sighs, “It’s just–”
I wait for her to say more, but she stays quiet. “He loves you, Ems. He just had some important family stuff to take care of. You know he’d be here if he could. You’re basically his sister.” I know this is true, but I do find it odd that my best friend chose to disappear during a time Emmy neededbothof her brother’s support. God knowsWeswas nowhere to be found.
“Yeah…basically. Anyway, what’s going on? Still planning on that trip with Ellie?”
“Yeah.” I scoff. “If Katie doesn’t cancel the wedding first. I fucked it up. I told Ellie I wasn’t planning on getting married.”
“Nathan! How exactly isthatgoing to fix anything?”
“It’s not. I know it’s not. I just needed her to know the truth. The pain in her eyes fucking guts me every time I see her. I know she won’t hear me out unless she’s forced to, but it’s been eight damn years. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“Yeah, well, if Katie hears about this, she will end your engagement. And you can kiss any chance of getting Ellie alone goodbye.”
“Not helping.” I roll my eyes even though she can’t see me. “I’d stand outside her house if I had to. She needs to know why things went the way they did. She needs to know how fucking sorry I am…how much I still love her.” I hear a noise in the bedroom and peek my head inside, but no one is there.
“Do you ever think that maybe…maybe things won’t go the way you hope? I don’t want to bring you down, Nathan. But it’s been eight years. There is a very real possibility that this doesn’t work out for you.”
“Not a possibility, Ems. You don’t understand. You can’t understand something I can’t even explain myself. But me and Ellie? What we had was not normal.”
“I know that. I just don’t want to see you hurt after everything you’ve done to get here. Partly because of me.”
“No. Because of Nathaniel. And Nathaniel only. Get that thought out of your head.”
None of this is Emmy’s fault. There is one person responsible, and he’s no longer here to be held accountable.
“I love you, big brother.”
“I love you too. I have to go get ready for dinner. Call me if you need anything.”
