Page 65 of Wrecked
This is my favorite place to be.
Now that my adrenaline is crashing, I suddenly feel freezing. My teeth start to chatter uncontrollably, despite my resistance. I look at my nails as they caress the back of Nate’s neck. They have a purplish hue that wasn’t there before. My core body temperature is dropping, and I am starting to exhibit themanifestations of hypothermia. I don’t care. I don’t want to move from this spot. I just want to stay here and breathe him in, feel his arms around me, and feel this peace that only he can give me.
“Baby,” he whispers against my ear, his breath causing a chill to run down my spine. “We need to get you in front of a fire. Okay?”
“Mm,” I say, feeling sleepy. Bone tired. My strength evaporates within seconds. I know this isn’t right. That I need to get up and moving. But I am far too comfortable to try.
“Okay, hang on to that basket, Pip. Up we go.” Nate bends his knees and slides his hands to the back of my thighs. He lifts me up, and I cross my legs behind his back, resting my head on his shoulder as I cradle the basket between our chests.
Nate starts walking toward the rock overhang, careful not to jostle me as he moves around fallen branches and large rain puddles. After several minutes, maybe hours, I open my eyes and see the cliffs in the close distance. I lift my lips, smiling a little. I knew Nate would get us here. I feel positive we will have a fire soon, and this awful bone-deep chill will just go away.
The rocks in front of me are the last thing I see before my vision dims and the blackness takes me under.
CHAPTER 31
NATE (SENIOR YEAR, HIGH SCHOOL)
I’m a selfish asshole.
I couldn’t just let her go. Ishouldhave just let her go. That would have been the right thing to do. Theselflessthing to do. Maybe it would have inflicted less pain on us both. Because now, letting her go feels even more impossible than before. Deep down I know it wouldn’t have hurt less in the long run. This is a pain that will gut me every day for the next two years. It will leave a gaping hole, allowing my heart to bleed out on the floor before me. Every day I will feel a little less alive, until finally, the blood loss becomes too much. I’ll either succumb to the darkness, or I’ll kill that motherfucker.
Option two gets Ellie back.
I knew the minute Nathaniel gave me that ultimatum that I would soak in every last second I had with her. Was it unfair? Absolutely. Seeing her bright eyes shine with adoration, knowing I was going to snuff out that light soon…it was killing me.
But I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing her every day and not being able to touch her. I couldn’t pass her in the halls and not be able to walk up behind her, kiss her neck and leave thoselittle goosebumps behind. I couldn’t imagine seeing her small hand being held by another man as she looked up to give him her beautiful smile.My smile.
As if anyone else could ever be good enough for her. The thought alone has me clenching my fists, ready to take on an invisible threat.She’s mine. As selfish as it may sound, even though I can’t be with her anymore,no oneelse can have her.
Touch her.
Kiss her.
Love her.
Somehow, I’ll make damn sure of that.
In two years, she’s going to walk out of this school, and I’m going to be outside of those doors waiting for her. I’ll stand in the distance and watch my girl cross the stage to her freedom, prouder than I’ll have any right to be. Then I’ll find her in a sea of black capes and tasseled hats, march right up to her, and throw her over my shoulder while her commencement carries on in the background. I might have to beg her to listen to me, but I don’t care. I’ll tie her up and force her to listen if I have to. I’ll tell her the truth about why I had to end things, why I had to leave her. Once she knows what happened, she’llhaveto forgive me. We will move past this because a love like ours doesn’t just disappear after two years. We have the kind of love that will survive any obstacle, even if that obstacle is family.
I’m not naive to the fact that what exists between us is rare. That’s why we have tofightfor it. All epic love stories have a sacrifice, right? That heart-stopping climax as the drama unfolds, making you believe things can’t possibly work out. But they do. They always work out in the end.
We will too.
So yeah. I’m selfish. Selfish in the way I love her. Selfish in the way I protect her. But she’s mine to love and protect, and I needed to spend all the time with her I could before beingforced to say goodbye. Maybe that was cruel, maybe those extra months made her love me just a little harder.
Good.
I want every bit of my love ingrained in the very depths of her soul. I don’t want her to escape her feelings for me. I want to plague her dreams until I am the only thing in them. Every time she tries to let me go, I want her to hear my voice telling her I love her. I want my words to ring so loudly she can’t hear anything else. I want my presence to haunt her so that she will be unable to evenlookat another man.
I know that will make the pain worse. I know that she’ll spend the next two years miserable, but I can’t afford to care about that. I can’t let her move on without me.
Selfish.
Crazy.
No. I’m fucking in love with my soulmate.
Call it what you want, but I need to ensure that I have my home to come back to when the time comes. Because that’s what Ellie is. My home. If I didn’t truly believe that, I wouldn’t put us through this.
