Page 42 of Can't Get Over You
“Okay, but I’m judging myself. Because, really, how shallow am I?”
“You grew up in apartments with parents who worked a lot. Why wouldn’t you want the stability of a home?” He gave her a chin nod.Go on.
“Says the man who saw my journal and gel pen collection.” She covered her face with both hands. “How mortifying was that?”
“Oh come on. That wasn’t nearly as lame as the frilly bedspread.”
“And it waspink.” It not only felt good to laugh, but it also opened space inside her. “I want to be angry with him. I keep trying to drum it up, but how can I when I’m just as much to blame?”
He tensed. “Blame for what? You had no part in his deception.”
“No, not that. I keep thinking… How can you live with someone for three months and not have a single clue he’s going through something so big? I mean, did I even know him at all? And worse than that, how well did Iwantto know him?”
“You only knew the part of him he wanted you to see.”
That was a good point. “But shouldn’t I have sensed he was hiding parts of himself? When we were kids, I wanted to know every single thing about you. I dreamed about going into your room and opening your drawers. I wanted to know what you thought about, what you wanted in life, what books you read, and what you snacked on during road trips. I wanted to know whether you shower in the morning or before bed, and if you wear boxers or briefs or go commando. And maybe that’s just because you were so closed off, and I couldn’t read you. Man of mystery and all that. I don’t know. I just know I was never that interested in Matt.”
He set the phone down on the blanket. “I wanted to build things. I wasn’t sure if that meant houses or motorcycles, but after working with a contractor for a few months, I realized I preferred houses. I liked imagining how the family would use each room. I read apocalypse books and was never much of a snacker. Don’t like chips or pretzels. Not a fan of packaged desserts.”
It was the first time he’d ever shared himself with her, and she loved it. “That’s because Ava spoiled you.”
“Fair. I always shower in the morning, but sometimes I do it at night too. Depends on the day. And boxers bunch up when you wear jeans, so I prefer briefs.”
“Well, there you go.” She smacked the mattress with her hand. “You’ve proven my point. Now that the mystery’s gone, I’ve lost all interest in you.”
He barked out a laugh, and it was so rare and so beautiful that her pulse beat out of control. That rush of connection between them came flooding in. It kicked up the long-buried yearning that defined her childhood.
No. Nope.
Absolutely not going back there.
She’d come too far to go back to obsessing over a man who, she knew from experience, would get up abruptly and leave her feeling like she’d done something wrong. And she really couldn’t bear to pile on any more emotion today, so she cut the intimacy and returned to the conversation. “Bottom line, I didn’t like Matt in the way a woman should like the man she’s going to spend her life with.”
Shifting a knee onto the mattress, Jude faced her.
“And now, I’m left with a million unanswered questions.”
“Like?” he asked.
“Where am I going to live? I’m too old to sleep on my dad’s couch, and my mom’s so set in her ways, she’d hate having to share her space with me again.”
“There’s an apartment over Wild Billy’s. You’re welcome to stay there.”
She smiled. “You have an answer for everything.”
“I’m not the one in the middle of a hurricane.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asked. “The single bartender who roams from one city to the next has just been saddled with a five-year-old. You must have big thoughts, too.”
“Nah, I can do anything for six weeks.” He scowled. “My only big thoughts involve ripping your ex a new asshole for putting you through this.”
This man. He roped her in with his big heart but then left her cold and alone when he shut down. “You know what I just figured out? I think maybe you care about so many people—your dad, your brothers, Ava, your friends—that you don’t need romantic love.”
He reared back. “Where the hell did that come from?”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” She added another pillow to the stack behind her, plucking the T-shirt away from her chest.
“No.”
