Page 10 of Bonus Daddy
Brian
Iwoke up the next morning, as I always did, with the damn cat sprawled out across my chest. For the first few months, I’d dream that I was being suffocated. Over time, though, my subconscious caught on, understanding that it was just thirty pounds of cat on my sternum.
“Food, Dammit,” I wheezed out.
It pushed off me, forcing the rest of the air from my lungs, and darted for my closed bedroom door.
“Figures.” Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I squinted at the clock. It wasn’t even six. Fuck. I flopped back down onto the mattress. Why the hell was I up so early? The damn cat hadn’t even been kneading at me or poking me with his claws. Yet here I was, more alert than was natural.
A few inches from my head, inside the wall near my headboard, a rattling sound caught my attention.
I roughed a hand down my face and groaned.
“Fuck you, Sebastian,” I grumbled to our resident ghost. He had a habit of making weird noises just to mess with us.
Fuzzy hissed, reminding me that I’d promised the demon his food, so I heaved myself to my feet. Now that we were up, he’d also need a walk, so there was no chance of going back tosleep.
The damn cat was the epitome of high maintenance. The only cat food Sully had found that he wouldn’t turn his whiskers up at was an organic brand we had to drive to the Whole Foods in Hoboken to pick up. He’d gone on a mini hunger strike not long after Cal had first brought him home, along with a standard bag of kibble. I, being an absolute dumbass, had felt bad for the oversized feline, so I’d given him a can of tuna. Now he expected Michelin-starred kitty chow on the regular.
Most days, I wasn’t sure whether he was a beloved pet or an overgrown gremlin with delusions of grandeur.
Since Tia’s birth, I’d taken over feeding duties for Sully, so with a sigh, I fed the damn cat and filled his water fountain. Yes, a bubbling fountain, because the damn cat would not deign to drink from a common bowl.
While he ate, I chugged my protein shake. My mind immediately went to Jess. The conversation in the yoga studio had inspired me. I had to help her. In fact, how I was going to help her and why I felt so compelled to do so had consumed all of my waking thoughts since she’d walked into my office.
The girl I used to know was tough, but this woman? She had a quiet, determined strength I was in awe of, and from what I’d read, she worked hard.
And she was gorgeous. She was bright and kind too. Though there was a weariness in her, creeping around the edges, that concerned me.
I was drawn to her the moment I saw her again. We were practically strangers after all these years, and our lives were moving in different directions, but there was a tiny spot inside my brain that lit up every time I thought about her. Her dimples, her smile, how graceful and sexy she looked doing yoga in that damn sports bra.
It inspired a want I’d only ever felt for her. It was a general ache. A phantom emotional limb. But the want that had plagued me in my thirties was back.
It was the desire for more.
More than my career and my brownstone. More than fun trips and a nice car.
A partner. A person.
It was bound to happen. I could only bury my feelings for so long, even if, like most Irish Catholic men, I was excellent at it.
First Cal and Lo fell in love. Watching their journey tugged at my heartstrings, but I’d become adept at ignoring those types of feelings.
It was trickier to deny the sensation when Sloane and Sully found their way back to each other. I witnessed their love story play out from the beginning, when the three of us were in law school, and nothing had ever been as satisfying as knowing they’d made it full circle. My best friends, happy and thriving and growing their family.
That’s when the lock I’d put on the desire to one day find that for myself had been irrevocably damaged.
When I’d begun to think about finding a person to share my life with.
Yet in the last twenty years, I hadn’t dated a single woman who turned me into a simp the way Lo does for Cal. And I hadn’t once had the need to reevaluate my life and become the best version of myself the way Sully did with Sloane.
And maybe I’d chosen those women for that reason.
But when I looked at Jess?
A rightness I hadn’t ever felt before consumed me.
I couldn’t date my client. And I couldn’t date a struggling single mom who needed my help. But I could learn from this experience. Instead of continuing to shut down these feelings, I could let them out and explore them.
