Page 9 of Bonus Daddy
Emotion welled up inside me. Jeez, why couldn’t I be one of those cool women who knew how to keep it together? Maybe on a better day, I’d have the energy to hide the pain, but this day had gone and kicked my ass. I was wiped after the meeting this morning. Then he had to show up here and throw me off-kilter.
“It all feels so overwhelming sometimes.” I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling, willing the tears back into my eye sockets. “I’m pushing a rock up a hill most days. The cost of living here is ridiculous. I’m trying to be a good mom and ensure my daughters feel loved and cared for. I want to give them everything they could ever wish for, but I’m just one person, and I’m fucking tired.”
He placed a heavy hand on my shoulder. “You’re doing a great job.”
I snapped my head forward and glared. “You don’t know that.”
With a step back, he crossed his arms. The new position made him look authoritative and grumpy. With the beard and the forearms, it was, as my kids said, a vibe.
“I read through your case file after you left. I know all the bullshit your ex-husband pulled. Hiding funds, offshore accounts, bogus real estate transactions. I know he fought you for custody and that he questioned your fitness as a mother during trial. And I know that after all that warfare, he can’t even be bothered to exercise his parenting rights.”
My heart climbed up into my throat, making it hard to breathe, as he scrutinized me.
“So yes, Jess,” he continued. “I know you’re a good mom. I’ve got the records to show for it. Including affidavits from the guardian ad litem, the parenting coordinator, the social workers, and the kids’ teachers.”
The tears were back, threatening to spill over. “You read all that? It’s only been a few hours since I left your office.”
“I told you: I’m good at my job.” His response was full of certainty, but without hubris, making it hard not to believe him.
Being a single mom was exhausting on a good day. Even on the days when I didn’t let anyone down, didn’t drop one of the dozens of balls I was juggling, I was overwhelmed.
In the blink of an eye, I’d gone from my Bergen County McMansion, cooking dinner and volunteering at the elementary school, to trying to piece a life back together.
It was my own damn fault. I was too trusting. Too optimistic. Too hopeful.
When Kenneth and I vowed to love and cherish one another, I really believed we meant forever. Sure, he was difficult to live with, but he was my husband, the father of my children, and he was doing his best.
Or so I thought. In reality, I was an idiot.
And for years, I’d been kicking myself for being as naïve as the rest of the world assumed I was. I’d proved Kenneth right. And that hurt more than anything else.
“Here’s the thing,” I hedged.
I wanted to trust Brian, and my gut told me he could help. But I’d learned to fight my instincts. To be harder and meaner and less hopeful than was my nature.
“I’m exhausted,” I admitted. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I want peace and a fresh start. I have to stand on my head just to get through the days, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it.”
“Didn’t I just see you literally standing on your head?” He quirked a brow.
Amusement threaded its way through me, dampening the defeat that had become my constant companion. “You know what I mean.”
He chuckled. “If anyone can do it all, it’s you. And you’ve got me on your team now. The rest of my firm too. We’ll fight for you.” He moved closer, stepping around the cat, which was once again lying athis feet. “Do you want me to go after him for more child support? For school tuition? For some of the real estate holdings he hid from you?”
“No.” I shook my head, my heart pinching. “I want nothing from him but peace and freedom. Maybe my low-conflict style of managing my co-parenting relationship seems silly to you. You’re an attorney, after all. You argue for a living, right?” I force a smile. “But over the years, I’ve learned that I’d give up a lot of things to protect my peace. Anything he gives me comes with strings. And I want my girls to be free. I want them to have the opportunity to be who they want to be.”
He dipped his chin. “I respect that.”
“All I need is the relocation. The house is ready for us, and I swear, some days, when I close my eyes, I can feel the mountain air on my face. I miss the farm. The community too.”
His face fell slightly, though he quickly evened out his features. “Of course. And we’ll make it happen.”
I walked him to the door and waved goodbye, and as he and the monstrosity of a cat strolled away, a sense of calm washed over me.
Brian was on my team. He’d promised to fight for me and the girls.
Though my last attorney had let me down and gone back on his promises, this felt different. And if the Brian I used to know was still inside this older, more mature, even better-looking man, then I could allow myself to hope.
Chapter 4
