Page 28 of Playing With Fire
“Are these going to be a present for someone special?” Kiera asks, making small talk while twisting the curling iron.
I smile, knowing my answer may be a little unorthodox.
“Yes, actually. They’re a gift to myself.”
Kiera’s eyes light up. “I love that! Honestly, I wish more women would have these shoots done. They can be so empowering! I always tell my clients that a potentialpartner is far more likely to be attracted to us if we are first attracted to ourselves.”
My eyes widen in delight and find hers in the mirror. “Exactly! Like we should be the best version of ourselves forus, not to please our spouse.” Realization strikes hard and fast. “Because then we end up changing who we are until we don’t recognize ourselves anymore, and we grow to resent the person we’ve become as well as resenting the person we once loved,” I add sadly.
Kiera spins my chair and messes with my bangs, adding another layer of hairspray.
“Well said,” she beams. “But for what it’s worth, if women were my thing, I’d totally be hitting on you right now.”
I laugh andGodit feels good. Even though I’m not trying to impress her, a compliment like that just hits differently when it comes from another woman. I reach for my glass of champagne and take a sip, appreciating the setup Kiera has for her clients.
“Thank you.” I smile shyly, not knowing what else to say.
Not deterred by the awkward silence, Kiera says, “Well, tell me about the version of Shannon Hartley you fell in love with, orwantto fall in love with.”
Kiera starts on my makeup as I open up to a complete stranger in an attempt to rediscover myself.
By the end, I’ve learned that I haven’t changed all that much from my younger self. At least, the things I want for myself haven’t changed. An active, healthy,simplelife with strong relationships and a sense of purpose. When I married Gregor, I thought that’s where I was heading, but right now, my life barely fits the criteria.
Kiera finishes my makeup and I strip the robe covering my first piece of lingerie as she positions me in the seductive pose, her eyes catching on something just below my underwire.
“Your tattoo is beautiful. I love the simplicity,” she beams.
“Thank you.” Absentmindedly, my fingers trail over the week-old ink. The waves rise and fall along my rib and the wordsJust Breatheare directly below them. It’s in black ink and isn’t intricate, but at this time in my life, it’s perfect. If I make it through this, then I’m sure life will throw something else at me down the road and the reminder will come in handy once again.
I try not to spend too much time thinking about the fact that it was Hudson who first spoke those words to me.
Gregor hasn’t even seen it.
“That’s good. Just like that.” Keira’s voice brings me back to the photoshoot. “Your facial expressions are totally up to you. Some clients prefer to smile, others like to be sultry. Go with whatever you’re feeling.”
I’m not in the right headspace for smiling, so I leave my lips slightly parted and stare at the camera in a look that’s meant to be a love letter to myself through the lens.
Kiera snaps a few shots and then pulls back to check through what she’s snapped.
“I just want to make sure the lighting is how I want…damn.Shannon, you’ve gotta see these.” She kneels on the bed next to me. We’re close because the camera strap is still around her neck as she leans in to flip through the pictures. “Stunning,” she says, drawing a smile out of me.
I didn’t come here seeking validation, but she’s certainly giving it to me. My internal fire burns a little brighter, steeling my resolve to make some much-needed changes in my life.
Chapter 12
Hudson
For some insane reason, I let the guys drag me to an actual club tonight. The timing made it hard to say no. Phoenix doesn’t work weekends, I go into the fire station tomorrow with Knox, and Jake is still hit or miss on volunteering. I think he’s suffering from PTSD, even though he says he’s fine, just busy with shop stuff. But Phoenix said that was the worst fire they’d ever been to, and the fact that Jake almost didn’t make it out rattled everyone—himself most of all.
I choose not to pry because (A) he’d tell Dylan first and (B) I’m barely holding my own shit together, so I doubt I’d be much help right now.
“Hud, order me another Busch Light, will you?” Phoenix plants a hand on my waist and yells directly in my ear because it’s so loud in here. I feel too old to be in this scene anymore, but Dylan loves to dance, and honestly, we all needed to shake things up for once. We’ve become too comfortable with Knox’s boat and the fire station as our only hangouts. Although we may be too old for this club, we’re all too young for such a rigid social life too.
“You do know you can afford good beer, right?” I ask, turning my head.
He just gives me a classic Phoenix smile and presses in against my back. “Like what? You won’t catch me drinking a Stella with my pinky in the air.” The dig is meant for Jake, but ever since Jake found Dylan, he’s a lot harder to rile up.
Jake’s left side is pressed against my right and Dylan is standing behind him, next to Phoe.
