Page 35 of Playing With Fire
The friction doesn’t go unnoticed.
“I loved every aspect of it. Even the paperwork. But I miss the patients the most. I couldn’t help everyone, but the ones I could…it was the most rewarding thing,” she raves.
I hate myself for it, but I crack just a little and have to clamp down on her hips, my voice low and tight.
“I love your enthusiasm, Dr. Hartley, but I’m gonna need you to wiggle a little less while you’re sitting here.”
She looks confused for a second before she looks down. I’m surprised she can’t feel the steel rod along my right thigh since it’s about to push her out of my lap.
She reaches down, like she’s going to place her hand over top of it, but I catch her hand first, pinning it to my stomach instead.
“Shannon, you don’t want to do that.”
“Yeah, Hudson, I do.” She’s breathing hard. “It’s been a long time since I created a noticeable reaction in a man like this…then again,” her eyes flash to mine, “I don’t think I’ve ever been with a man like this.”
I’m not entirely sure what she means. She could mean she’s never been on another guy’s lap while she’s been married, she could mean a guy with tattoos, or she could mean?—
“I want to know how it feels in my hands.”
Okay, we’re talking about the size of my dick. Got it.
I like to think I’m a decent man. That I have decent morals and I treat women with respect. I like to think I’m a good partner and when I do settle down one day, I want my wife to be proud of the man I am.
But right now?
I’m about three seconds away from saying to hell with all of the good guy shit and fucking this woman the way she cravesright here in the sand. I still have her hand trapped against my lower stomach to keep her from touching the flagpole down my leg, but my resolve is wavering.
“I’m not saying no. I’m saying not right now.”Lord, forgive me,I mutter in my head.It’s the best I can do.I’m a good guy, but I’m not a saint, for fuck’s sake.Aloud, I explain, “I need to know you’ve thought this through and it isn’t a reaction to catching your husband getting off to someone else.”
I can tell she’s gearing up for a convincing argument because she goes still, looking me dead in the eye.
“No one talks about affairs from the side of the cheating spouse. It’s always presumed that they’re totally selfish and lack morals.Once a cheater, always a cheaterand all that. Everyone assumes they’ve been having affairs for years. That they have no remorse for hurting the other person. But why does the phrasethere’s two sides to every storynot apply to adulterers? Why will no one askwhat happened to make her think this was the best option?” Shannon’s words contain merit and I don’t dare interrupt as she continues. “Sure, it’s recoverable in today’s society, but you’re still branded with that scarlet A for the rest of your life. No one talks about how hard it is to end up here. How you can feel utterly abandoned and let down by a spouse who never cheated and who physically still shares your bed. Or about how disgusted we can be with ourselves, but at the same time, be powerless to stop the force of these emotions in their tracks.” When her rant loses steam, she finally heaves a heavy sigh. “I still think about the last time you and I were here together.”
Her fingers trace unidentifiable shapes across my shoulders in the darkness as I admit, “So do I,” on a whisper.
“I could never regret you,” she whispers, moving closer to my face as she rolls her hips once.
“You’re really testing my willpower here, Shannon.”Because I have no doubt that I could fuck her so well she’d be begging to take my last name.
“It’s not your willpower I want,” she argues seductively, curling her fingers so I feel her fingernails through my clothes.
“Maybe. But I need it,” I choke out.
“Why are you trying to protect me?” she asks, halting her forward progress.
“I’m not. I’m trying to protectme,” I answer honestly. When she looks shocked, I continue. “I’ve tried like hell to avoid it, but I think about you every fucking day. I’ve gone so far as thinking about faking a delivery just so I can see you. Every time I come to the lake, I hope you’re here. I can’t get you out of my head, and it’s driving me fucking crazy. I’ve tried getting laid, but yours was the face I saw when I came. I haven’t slept with anyone since then because that’s not fair. I’m dying over here and there’s not a damn thing I can do because the ball is entirely in your court.”
“If that were true,” she swallows and I follow the movement, “we’d already be naked.”
“And then what? If it’s as amazing as we think it’ll be, I’ll fall in love with you, but then have to watch while you go back to him.” Hurt flashes like lightening in her eyes, causing me to apologize. “I’m sorry. That was harsh. I’m not good at one-night stands, Shannon. I’m not built like that. I want a family and a partner.”
I brush her hair back. She has a hat on, but the ends are sticking to her cheeks.
“So do I,” she says, choking back tears on the last word. She coughs to clear the emotion from her voice. “I should go. I need to be home by the time Gregor leaves for work.”
I remember my sister’s point—the guy has money, and if it came to a legal battle, he’d sink me simply because I can’t affordthe legal bills.
“What does he do?” I ask.
