Page 31 of Playing With Fire
By the time those eyes land on me and focus on the situation, he takes a step away from Dylan and downs his beer.
I’m not judging, not by a long shot, because hello…pot meet kettle, but the look on my face must display my concern because Dylan leans forward and pulls me to him, placing his thigh between mine and putting his hands on my hips, keepingmy uncoordinated-self moving to the beat on the dance floor with him and Phoenix.
Leaning in, he yells, “We’re just dancing, Hud. No need to look so worried.”
I want to ask so many follow up questions, but mostly, I’m wondering if he’s trying to get ahead of this. Like by him telling me it’sjust dancing, maybe he’s hoping I won’t say anything.
Christ, my own questionable interactions with Shannon have caused me to become suspicious of the people I trust the most. As if the universe realized I needed some confirmation of the truth Dylan just spouted, Jake comes up behind me and sandwiches me between him and Dylan, laughing in my ear.
I wasn’t homophobic before Jake came out, and I’m definitely not now that he has, so the closeness doesn’t bother me. In fact, I find myself relaxing into the two of them. As long as Jake and Dylan are good, it’s like the rest of our group’s drama is manageable.
Jake reaches around Dylan and grabs Phoenix by the wrist.
“Get back over here!” he yells. “Don’t you dare leave my husband’s ass exposed, Phoe! Any greedy bastard could just walk right up and start grinding on him!”
Phoenix eyes me warily and moves back into position, making me wonder if they’re having a threesome or something with the way he’s acting, although I really can’t picture Phoenix liking dick or Jake letting that happen.
“Where’s Knox?” I ask anyone who has an answer.
Jake laughs. “Look to your left.”
Sure as shit, Knox is leaning up against a wall trying to stop the advances of the girl from the bar. She’s pulling on his arm, trying to tug him out onto the floor.
“He’s going to kill you for leaving him,” I yellover my shoulder.
“Eh, he needs to get out of his comfort zone or else he’s going to end up alone forever,” Jake says.
We spend another hour or so drinking, letting loose, and making fun of Knox before we decide enough is enough since Knoxy and I have to be at the fire station tomorrow.
I keep shooting glances at Phoenix wondering what’s on his mind, but just like with Jake, he’ll tell me when he’s ready.
The good time with my friends works wonders for my mood, but once I’m back in the solitude of my own house, all the thoughts of forbidden trysts with a brunette I’d been able to keep at bay come rushing to the forefront of my mind.
Letting it go isn’t going to be easy, but keeping my feelings from her is going to be damn near impossible.
Chapter 13
Shannon
Things are ramping up with the case Gregor took on after Driscoll was fired, and Serafina and I see even less of him these days.
Since the day of the photo shoot, almost three weeks ago, I’ve stopped fighting. I’ve stopped begging. I’m determined to make my life what I want it to be, others’ opinions be damned. Including Gregor’s.
Hudson has been by the house for the occasional delivery, and it’s still such a rush to see him, even if it’s clear we’re both trying like hell to keep our interactions appropriate and professional. It’s hard to look at him and not picture his body from that day at the lake, though. That’s an image that will forever be seared into the folds of my brain. Each time he arrives wearing a smile, my pulse ticks a little faster and my body responds despite my protestations.
However, it’s been twelve days since Hudson and I’s most recent encounter. Not that I should be keeping track, but with each day that passes, the current number rolls to the next, whether my brain wants it to or not.
But is it the life you want?I hear in my mind.
I’ve finally realized the answer is no. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself to my husband’s dreams. It’shislife I’m living, not mine.
I’ve found a couple of great career opportunities with one practice that offers fifty percent in-office time and fifty-percent tele-health appointments, and one option that is completely online. After talking with my mom, I think I’d actually like the blend better. I’ll still need someone to watch Serafina either way, and having the ability to go into an office and engage with other professionals a couple days a week sounds really appealing.
I also opened up my own bank account, and the small steps toward finding my independence again are a breath of fresh air. I’d briefly thought about pawning some of the jewelry Greg has bought me over the years to give myself a leg up, but that feels like taking a handout, and I want to do this on my own.
Despite the positive changes, I’ve gone back to having trouble sleeping. I’m stuck in a cycle of timing when I go to bed so I can avoid interacting with Gregor, and I hate living like this. Even as I slowly claw my way back to a version of myself I know and respect, it’s becoming increasingly clear that my marriage is not following suit.
Turning over in bed in an attempt to calm my racing mind and find a more comfortable position, I notice Gregor’s side of the bed is empty.
