Page 104 of Vampires of Eden
Right.
That’s all we can ever have, realistically. I’m fooling myself thinking that there can be anything more. Society would never approve of us being in a serious relationship, and I don’t want casual and meaningless sex with him. Within the framework of our rigid society, that’s the only role for me in his life. Amusement for his purebred whims. Or his friend, I guess.
Even though his eyes keep alighting for me.
Sighing, I shift and set both feet on the floor, then lean back into the couch. I stare forward at the projector screen. Some chaotic vampire-Buffy fighting is happening in a dirty-looking cabin and I don’t care.
When we’re together, the world around us feels new and different. Liberating. We talk and laugh and relate to one another as equals—without the typical barriers and constraints of Eden’s rigid hierarchy.
Obviously, this fantasy can only go so far.
Alexander leans into my line of sight. “Are you angry?”
“No. I understand how you feel.” I need to stop kidding myself. What do I even expect?
Confused, I shift my eyes toward Alexander because he’s staring at me in the silence. “What is it?” I ask.
“It feels like you’re mad.”
“I’m not. I already told you, I’m half dead and I have resting bitch face, so I don’t know what you want.”
“You’re not half dead and you don’t.” Hesitating, he reaches toward my hands. “May I?”
Not really understanding, I flip my hand over. He slips his into mine, then clasps his fingers around my palm. “Thank you,” he says quietly.
“For?” I ask, gripping him in return as my stupid heart warms.
“Being you. For showing me kindness. For not being angry. Is yoga class cancelled tomorrow or are we still on?”
I huff. “We can if you want to.”
“Yes, please.” He squeezes my palm and looks down at our hands. “You’ve helped me so much, Danny. More than you can imagine. I’m glad to know that in some ways, I’m helping you heal, too.” He smiles and his eyes softly burn out, returning to their rich golden-brown luster.
FuckI want him. What a stupid and impossible situation I’ve put myself in. All because I was trying to be nice. I’ll never be nice again.
Leaning, I reach for the remote where I’ve left it at theopposite end. “You are helping me, rest assured. Sorry, I interrupted the rest of that last episode. Shall I rewind?”
“Nah, that one was kind of boring. Let’s skip ahead?”
“Moving forward.” I click over to the next episode.
We sit nestled together on the couch, shoulder-to-shoulder and with his hand clasped within mine and in my lap. He doesn’t pull away, even when I shift to fold my legs underneath me. He only asks if I’m comfortable enough. Of course I am. I grip his hand a little tighter.
Nothing can come from this situation, but somehow, we’ve made progress.
Silently, I inhale a deep breath to fill myself with his sweet effervescence. It sparkles like a Mimosa as it caresses and pours into my body. Into my heart and nature.
“Am I doing this right?” Alexander’s head pops up to find my eyes despite his awkward upside-down angle. His hair is tousled and splayed like the comb of a rooster and his irises are absurdly mesmerizing as they glint in the morning sun.
Inviting him to stay with us was a foolish idea. It’s starting to feel like I’m sharing space with forbidden fruit. An alluring, zesty concoction laced with some strong and exotic alcohol that I’m not allowed to taste. It’s maddening.
“Not really,” I critique, frowning. “Your back should be flatter and your heels should be down.”
“Like this?” he asks, somehow propping his perfect ass higher up in the air.
Exhaling, I straighten from my downward dog pose. “Like I’ve already said, the poses don’t need to be perfect. This is your first time trying, so take it easy. This is supposed torelievestress.”
“But I want to do it the right way,” he whines. “If I start wrong, I’ll keep doing it incorrectly.”
